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Relationships

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Original poster

Hoping DH would go to concert with me?

49 replies

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2019 13:17

A band that I really like have just released their 2020 tour dates – they’re coming to a town near us, so I‘ve just texted DH (excitedly!) , who replied that it doesn’t float his boat ......... OK, so I could poll my friends to see if any of them fancy it (not sure if anyone will be interested) but can I just have opinions on this? I often accompany DH to events that aren’t quite my cup of tea, so is he being a bit mean? This isn’t a huge issue, but I just want to know what people think?

OP posts:

TheWolves · 15/10/2019 13:20

I would go with my partner to see whatever band they liked. And I wouldn't ruin it for them by saying I thought they were shit. Although, I might say it wasn't what I usually listened to.

Original poster

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2019 13:29

Thank you TheWolves, that's generally what we do, so I was a tad surprised at his response this morning. It just felt a bit mean spirited. I shall remember this if, god forbid, another Star Wars film ever comes out.

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Shoxfordian · 15/10/2019 13:38

My dh goes to see lots of bands I don't like, sometimes on his own, sometimes with friends. I don't go because we like different music and that's fine. He doesn't come to see films he wouldn't like but I would at the cinema either. It's ok having separate interests

Autumn2019 · 15/10/2019 13:40

I used to go with my partner to see whatever he likes even though it wasn't exactly my cup of tea, and he used to go with me to see whatever band i liked. Sometimes he would be the one who suggests going as he knows i like them. Now we have a toddler all that is on hold. I hope your partner changes his mind and goes with you x

hungryhippie · 15/10/2019 13:41

Just so you know, a new Star Wars is out in December

Original poster

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2019 13:44

a new Star Wars is out in December

I'll make sure I'm busy!!

OP posts:

treesurgery · 15/10/2019 13:46

Once took my DH to see a band I loved. Whilst everyone else was up and dancing, he just sat there with his arms folded. Afterwards (and even now when it’s mentioned) he complained about how rubbish they were 🙄
Don’t make him go if he really doesn’t want to. Take someone who’ll love it like you.

Bouffalant · 15/10/2019 13:47

Completely depends. DP loves industrial metal and death metal. Not a chance would I go with him.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 15/10/2019 13:51

If my DP can come to watch lower league football with me then your DH can go to a concert with you.

My DP is not just my partner, she is also my best friend. We do things together that neither of us would have dreamed of 10 years ago. Our idea of fun used to be so diverged but over the years after doing things together that the other may not have expected to enjoy we now have lots of things that we both enjoy doing as a couple.

I get that this may not be a big deal to you but personally I think it's a bit shit to not want to give it a go even if it's just to see how happy it makes you, those are some of the best moments in a relationship imo.

ShootTheRunner · 15/10/2019 14:00

I can see both sides. I would be like you and be disappointed as I really enjoy going to gigs with my DH, luckily we mostly like the same bands and music. On the other hand DH likes a band that I really don't and I don't go to see them with him. I'd rather not waste money on a very pricey ticket when he can go with someone who would enjoy it. It's a tricky one!

pumpkinpie01 · 15/10/2019 14:01

@Coffeepot72 I feel your pain with Star Wars I went with my DH to watch the last one , thought I would make an effort , never again I couldn't stay awake . Had a lovely snooze in a very comfy seat thou

ShootTheRunner · 15/10/2019 14:01

Forgot to add if he desperately wanted me to though I probably would go and grin and bear it.

puppyconfetti · 15/10/2019 14:03

I wouldn't expect mine to come with me, no. We all like different things.

TooMuch87 · 15/10/2019 14:06

Just go by yourself if your friends aren’t interested. I’d never go to a concert of someone I don’t like. I find it boring enough sitting through support acts I’m not interested in. It would be like 2-3 hours of that, tedious and a waste of money.

Rainbowhairdontcare · 15/10/2019 14:06

It depends... my exH never enjoyed the same music as me and I had to drag him. I stopped one day and enjoyed myself a lot more.

My now DH and I like the same music so we go to gigs together all the time.

We're both very music.centric though, he used to be in a signed band and I work in the Music industry

EmmiJay · 15/10/2019 14:08

Can he not dance or is he too stiff? I would love to go to a concert of any genre. Open mind and all that.

Clangus00 · 15/10/2019 14:11

My DH takes himself to see Star Wars.
He does come to concerts and stuff like that with me though, even though we have very different tastes.

simone1863 · 15/10/2019 14:13

I recall going to see a favourite band with an ex and was utterly lost in other than when they would point out that they were playing my favourites. I fucking know, I've been listening to them for 12 years. Now I just go on my own rather than risk poor gig etiquette ruin things for me

Starlight39 · 15/10/2019 14:17

I think either you both do activities/events that wouldn't be 100% first choice or neither of you do. He can't have it both ways that you go to things he wants you to but he doesn't have to reciprocate. So yes, in this instance, he's being a bit mean. Unless he's completely unaware that you aren't the biggest Star Wars fan and thinks you're genuinely going for your own enjoyment .

I'd probably make a comment in person in a slightly jokey tone about not going to Star Wars films etc in the future then. See if that gets him to wise up and realise that it needs to cut both ways!

TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 15/10/2019 14:21

I have the opposite problem, my dh acts hurt if I don't want him to come to somewhere with I know he doesn't like.

In the early days I'd go see all his shit that I didn't like because it was important to him and I didn't sit there with like smacked arses the whole time ruining it for him.

The odd occasion he came to something I liked it was obvious he wasn't having fun, he's always been shit at pretending and lying so even though he said he was fine and having fun he clearly wasn't and it may sound mean but I'd rather he not be there if he didn't actually want to be because it made me have less fun if that makes sense.

We've been together 20 years now and I no longer waste my lesuire time doing shit I don't want to to please someone else, because an few hours turned into whole weekends and it's hard to pretend you're having fun for that long haha. He goes with his mates or alone now and even says himself he enjoys it more.

I go to events that interest me with friends who do like the band/event I like or I go alone.

The fact your dh has said it doesn't float his boat shows he doesn't want to go and he came with you to keep you happy that could ruin the night for you anyway.

I'd go on my own before having to miss it, esp as it's your fave band.

Windydaysuponus · 15/10/2019 14:21

Personally think it's a ticket wasted if he doesn't share your passion.
My exh stood like a lamppost at a Bruce Springsteen concert and I felt awkward for dancing away!!
But he was a twat!!
*the dh not Bruce obviously!!
Maybe tell us who and you may get volunteers?!
And reference to other threads money up front of course!!

Original poster

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2019 14:23

Thank you everyone! I've just texted him and sent him a "sad face" emoji in response to his "it doesn't float my boat" message. He replied straight away, saying ok, book the tickets if you'd really like to go. So fair enough - all sorted. I was about to remind him of the time I accompanied him to a boxing match (a truly grim occasion) but thankfully it never came to that!

It's always good to get a cross section of opinions with this sort of thing.

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TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 15/10/2019 14:25

Completely depends. DP loves industrial metal and death metal. Not a chance would I go with him

My brother loves that stuff too. He once begged me to go see slipnot with him. He was going to pay for everything for me as he was desperate for someone to go with. I'd have absolutely hated it being squished among that lot and I'd stick out like a sore thumb because there's now way in wearing black leather/denim from head to toe and moshing.

I was an very underweight size four at the time and he expected me to stand in a mosh pit with a bunch of adult men throwing themselves all over the place?

Not a fucking chance!

TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 15/10/2019 14:28

Have fun OP. Glad you're sorted.

Original poster

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2019 14:29

There won't be any moshing at this event - it's sort of classical-ish. DH can have a nice snooze if he gets bored :)

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