Jealous of my rich sister! How to overcome it

[Melanie1811]

I love my sister to bits! But.... I have a husband and child-we both work diffident shifts and have barely time for each other. Our jobs are decent, but not good enough for living in London. We struggle financially. We can afford food and rent but that’s about it. My sister is engaged to a guy whose parents are extremely rich owning about 20 houses in London! And they just gave them one of the houses. I’m trying to talk about other stuff and avoid any money conversation with her. But every time we are together she starts talking about investments and how they might get a second house to rent so they can work less. I’m happy for her but it is killing me inside what to do? Any strategies to be happy with my situation and wish her well?

Id ask her to talk about investments with somebody else! Strange that she is choosing to talk investments with you!

Can you laughingly say "stop it, you're killing me"?

Also think it's a little weird she's going into detail about investments with you!
My sister is significantly richer than me (high flying job, no rich husband involved) and she wouldn't be insensitive enough to bring up the issue of what she's doing with her money.

Yeah I agree with @category12 on this one. She is probably so excited (and so she should be!) that she hasn't realised how this could be awkward and how money and paying bills now has a totally different meaning to you both.
I actually think that by you saying something casual and friendly will stop her doing this and potentially ostracising herself from friends also.

She's excited and wants to share with you probably because you are one of her closest people, but needs gently reminding to wind it back in. That's not you not being happy for her at all, she will realise that I'm sure.

Or ask her "can I have a house?"
She might not bring up her spare houses again

Although maybe it is better to say "when you mention your investments, i feel inadequate and also worried about my future and i dont want to feel poor and worried in your company so please can we avoid talking about assets?"

Well for starters she's not rich, nor is her fiancé, it's his parents money and seeing as she's not married he could chuck her out at any time on a whim. Whereas on the other hand you can take pride in the fact that you can stand on your own two feet and provide for your family yourself.

I did tell her million times that I’m happy for her but my situation is completely opposite and I even admitted that I’m jealous a bit. We are both from Poland and miss our family. I have to save up for tickets once/twice a year by eating very cheap and she has a rich friend that always pays her tickets(she goes about 10times a year) She also talks about that a lot. She always gets money handed to her but I never forgets to say that to me. That friend(it’s female) also randomly gives me her money - last time 1000£ or takes her shopping and she of course did not forget to mention it

Can you take comfort in the fact that she hasn’t really earned any of these assets whereas you work hard for all that you have? I would be very proud of you if I were your Mum, I’m not saying your sister doesn’t work hard or that she had done anything to be ashamed of, but somebody who has built a life and a family for themselves, in another country, through grit and hard work? That’s brilliant!

I have two very rich and successful brothers. I try to tune out when one millionaire brother says he's just bought another Ferrari/Porsche or the other brags about his new 7 bed house with pool, or whatever. I don't begrudge them their money as they've worked hard and reached the top in their respective fields. But I do find it somewhat galling to have my nose robbed in it, if I'm honest. Since my divorce I don't even own my own property and I worry I'll be a poor pensioner, so when they talk about their huge investments and luxury properties, it is hard to listen to. No real advice, but i know how you feel. They haven't got a clue how I feel about it. I don't want to tell them to shut up about it, but I feel like it sometimes.

I think if it was me I'd work as hard as I could on being pleased for her and being able to talk to her about things like that without the jealousy.

You aren't going to be able to avoid talking about money for the rest of your lives, and it would be a shame to have it drive a wedge between you when you are close.

You are rich in a different way.

Maybe say..... Can i rent one of your flats at family discount rates!

She might understand that you are renting and are poorer in comparison.

Otherwise just remember the old cliche....
We are born with nothing and we die with nothing..... and everything else we 'own ' is just temporary.

Spiritually we should try to understand that everything is built on shifting sands and things change from day to day.

Jeez @DarklyDreamingDexter I can't imagine having so much money and not helping family out. Isn't that what it's for?

I'm the skint one in the family. Talk about being given a house would kill me as well!

I sympathise with you.
However there is one big thing I've learnt in life and that is that if someone is high flying right now, something tends to happen in their life at some point equally as bad. It's really not a nice thing to see. I prefer that they enjoy the comfort they are in and hope that it continues for them as it can easily fall away in a second. I have seen this with so many people it sounds unreal but it isn't. Keep wishing the best for her because if something the total opposite happened to her, you would be devastated for her.

I would just say stop bragging if she keeps talking about it.

OP your sister is being very insensitive, in her own excitement. I feel heart sorry for you because it's a difficult one. Maybe given time, she can help you guys, that IS if the wedding goes ahead right?

Honestly? Envy is a normal reaction but be happy for your sister, she has not done anything wrong.

Stop comparing yourself to her, and do not go asking for hand-outs instead continue to work hard and see what you can do to better your own life. The less you focus on what others have - the better.

Actually I wonder if she's jealous of you - she's engaged so clearly wants to be married whereas you already are married. Does she want kids as well? The bragging about money could be her way of saving face in front of you.

OP it’s definitely difficult and I understand that. But all I will say is it’s a novelty for her now. Money doesn’t make you happy in the long run and once she settles into this new life, it will become less important and other things will come up in life where she needs you.

I also agree with PP to focus on what you’ve got that she hasn’t...by the sounds of it some lovely children.

Your sister isn’t rich, she’s living off the generosity of others and she’s also being extremely rude. You’ve told her how her behaviour makes you feel but has chosen not to modify it.

You cannot change your sister and you will have to accept that she’s one of life’s braggers who clearly thinks that other people’s money is way more important than being mindful of her sister.

Do not let her lifestyle denigrate what you are working for and towards.

I think you need to be honest with her. Tell her to stop bragging. I'd be really annoyed if it was me

Ask her to stop discussing money with you. I have a relative that finds it hard to put on weight and I have the opposite problem she's complained about her inability to put on weight and everytime she's does I say I'm sorry she's struggling, but I'm not the person to talk to about it and I rinse and repeat until she stops. I'm not jealous though, we all have our problems, and if I was super skinny it wouldn't mean I would automatically be living a perfect life.

She's actually not rich though is she. She's living off other people. That could all fall down around her if those people go from her life, it's not a stable life. You may not have money but you have your family and are settled. She probably doesn't realise she's being insensitive maybe just excited? Or if she does then she isn't very nice then is she?

I have a very rich sister. I'm not jealous as such but it is very hard returning to my old run down house that is in need of a huge injection of cash that I don't have to bring it up to date when I've been to her luxury mansion. We are not close any more as we inhabit completely different worlds. I don't think she has any clue of the monthly struggles I have with money and the stress I feel at times. And I would never tell her as I wouldn't want to look like I'm hinting.
I am very accepting however of her money/lifestyle. Both her and her husband have worked hard and they had nothing when they met so they deserve the success they've had. I just wish we could be closer but maybe I've distanced myself or maybe she has I don't know.

Money is a tricky thing. We are really struggling at the moment and I don’t think our friends and family have any idea. Especially not my sister in law and BIL who have $$ coming out their ears. SIL is weirdly competitive and likes to belittle the few nice things we have. Strange.

It is tricky. I'm ashamed to say I struggle with it a lot. My brother's wife's parents are very well off and pay for his two kids to go to private school, they have two cars and lots of holidays although my bro and his wife not hugely well-paying jobs. Meanwhile my sister and her boyfriend are always going off on mini-breaks. I don't earn v much and since my husband got made redundant he only gets short-term contracts so while we survive and I should be grateful for that, we daren't spend on big things - eg new curtains, repainting rooms etc. I've got to the age where I know I'm never going to earn a fortune and I hate myself for being jealous but I am!