His wife is pregnant and he's completely shafting her

[FloatingObject]

I set up a writing group in my local area, and one of the first people to join was this guy, let's call him Steve. We got along really well, and became friends. He has a wife and she's five months pregnant.

He alluded to having had an affair before, but even before that, I just got this sense that he wasn't entirely 'kosher'.
I introduced a new woman to the group, let's call her Amy. Sure enough, he started sleeping with her.

Because of my own issues (my dad continuously cheated on my mum when she was pregnant with me and my sister), I completely lost my shit. I won't give you the details, but it resulted in me having a drink too many and properly laying into him in the bar where our writing group meets. Steve is always cosying up to everyone, you'll know the type, the type that comes across as a softly-spoken Mr Nice Guy, and so he was painted as a bit of a victim, and me as some kind of vicious lunatic. We eventually made up, and he even managed to guilt-trip me, saying that I had made him look like a 'dog' in front of all our fellow group members, and now he was tarred with this brush, etc etc. I actually did feel bad for giving him a public dressing down.

Amy never came back to the group. But that's okay, because now two months later, Steve has started another affair with another one of the group members, let's call her Helen. The sickening thing is that Helen had been witness to the dressing down I gave him, and had actually agreed with me when I'd been ranting on about how among women we should have a sense of female solidarity.

I don't know why I'm posting really. I feel so pissed off. I feel pissed off for his poor wife, who is five months pregnant and who apparently has been feeling really hurt (he almost boasts about how upset she is, she apparently doesn't know, but he says things like: "Today she was saying again how she barely ever sees me and I'm out all hours, and she feels like I don't even want this child, and she doesn't know what to do - all the while I was texting my lover").

I also feel a bit pissed off for myself because I feel like (am I wrong to feel this?) he's disrespecting the group I started, which was to share our writing and meet fellow writers, not sleep around behind your wife's back.

What should I do? I don't feel comfortable telling his wife, I don't know her, haven't met her. She must surely know or guess? He would 100% know it was me telling her. I feel so bad for her.

Are you sure this isn’t a plot line that he is developing? You could tell him it’s quite cliched.

I’d dissolve the group, and say to people “look, this was meant to be a space to discuss our writing, not a group of women for Steve to fuck. New group meets Tuesdays. People still waiting for their turn to shag Steve, carry on in this one”.

As his fil is the mayor it should be quite easy to send something anonymous to him then if you decide to go down that route.

@Sashkin
Lol 😂😂

Sashkin That literally (as in literally) made me laugh out loud! I'll hang on until our inevitable next big epic fallout.
Mummyoflittledragon It absolutely would be easy. However that should be the very last card I keep and play, as I know he'll retaliate in some way.

He’s the most clicheist cliche in the whole of cliche-dom. Dear god what an arse.

He has this strange dynamic with me where he is wary of me/hates me but also simultaneously can't help but talk to me about this stuff, despite the showdown.
He's just sent me messages on WhatsApp saying "I love her. This time it isn't like Amy. I absolutely adore her".
Once when he was drunk he sent me a message saying "I can have whoever I want. Except you. Am I right?"
Fucking creep.

I'm not sure why he tells me this stuff when he knows what I think and what the fall out is. I think I will be telling monsieur mayor, not her directly, it's just a question of timing.
He also (I realise this sounds insanely novel-worthy and perhaps I should actually start writing a novel based on this 🤣) joined the free masons. I dont know whether this was through his FiL or not.

Seriously, is this a plot you are testing out on us? Because if not, I think it'd make a wonderful basis for a French farce.

For real, I think you need to either leave the group and block this guy, or start seeing the funny side and skewer immortalise him in "fiction".

Probably. As you can only join upon invitation from another mason. Some are very upstanding citizens, who knows what the fil will do.
Worth finding out though.

I’m struggling to understand why you’re not walking away but enmeshing yourself further.

So throwing this out there...

If you’re very honest with yourself, are you sure you’re not caught under his spell?

You handed over group privileges to him pdq.

You are incredibly upset by his proclivities to the point of a big melodramatic public show down.

Most people don’t come back from that.

Is there a part of you that’s kind of energised by the drama?

Is there even sexual chemistry?

It does sound like you enjoy your privileged “not like the other girls” status in his life.

Surely it’s Stefan. I imagine a young Depardieu, son of the kindly Maurice Chevalier. It will all kick off at the forthcoming harvest festival when the la wife and the l’autre femme clash over cheese and wine.

In other works these could just be people to avoid.

LemonTT The irony being there is a kind of harvest festival coming up next month in his town 🤣

No, I don't think there is a sexual chemistry. In fact I'm slightly baffled because he isn't particularly appealing (in my eyes).

But there's definitely something happening. Not sure what.

Oh honey.... it’s sex.

What’s happening is sex.

That’s why you’re looking forward to you next “next big epic —shag—showdown”.

It’s a sex substitute.

This whole thread is ‘mentionitist’.

And sex.

No. I think it's about power actually.

Isn't there a trope in romantic comedies where a male has a string of girlfriends that he doesn't care for or think much of but lusts after the unavailable/less available woman with higher standards who he sees as his equal and tried to make her jealous?

Kind of Daniel Cleaver in the Bridget Jones films?

Run for the hills!

Eeee, creep. I’d contact his FIL and let him deal with the twat.

Why are you associating with these people. I would have left after they brushed off the first affair. If someone doesn’t become a social pariah after an affair it speaks volumes about the social circle which they operate in. And do tell his wife, she really deserves to know. I also feel like you’ll get some satisfaction seeing him kicked out of his ‘mortgage free’ house.

I'd screenshot the messages he sent me and I'd tell his fil. I couldn't sit back and not do something to undermine the cocky little shit. At least if his fil knows, he won't be so keen to bankroll his life and he will watch out for his dd's financial security.

Yes, start a women's group.

You know he's playing you just as hard as he's playing his wife/Helen/Amy right?

Only with you it's not sex, it's the power of the group... that will probably lead to sex.

It's such a cliche.

Nearly every woman in any position of power ever, in real life and fiction has had some creepy bloke weed his way in, shag the underlings to get them on side and then proceed to flatter/neg/slither his way to the top spot.

Ugh.

LadyFlumpalot So what would you do if you were me?