He prefers my body in underwear?

[JayJay60]

This is a bit of an AIBU but definitely inappropriate to post there. Boyfriend of 6 months has said he prefers my body in underwear, saying it makes my boobs/butt look better. I found this quite hurtful honestly. He says I am being far too sensitive and we all have opinions and of course that is true but he again confirms "yes, I think your body looks better like that than naked" ?? I just, I don't know. Isn't this quite offensive? Am I being over sensitive?

He’s nasty. Get rid of him.

I think you're being a bit over sensitive. I prefer to look at my husband in his boxers rather than it all hanging out!

Did he just randomly say it, or did you ask which he preferred?
Either way, I can see how it could hurt

i thought everyone looked better with a little something on, than just naked? isn't that what lingerie are for? surely people don't wear those mega strange bras and matching undies all day at work?
i don't see anything wrong with the comment.

Does he mean in underwear as opposed to being naked? Or in underwear rather than in normal clothes?

If it's the former, then it's quite insensitive and hurtful, although I prefer my own body in underwear as opposed to no clothes.

If he’s saying this after 6 months imagine how critical he will be about your body in 5-10 years time. Time to move on and find someone better

TBF, I think a nice bum looks better in underwear.
You are being a little over sensitive.

Dump and move on
(Sounds a bit like negging but either way it's not on)

Well it might be nasty but of course some people really do like underwear because the body seems more erotic that way.

If he’s enthusiastic in his wanting to have sex with you, no issue. If the sex is bad or there are other comments about your body and sex, yes, he may be being nasty to you.

I think the time line here is important. 6 months into a relationship. It doesn’t look good

Lingerie is designed to enhance what you've already got. It's like make up, everyone looks better with it on. I think you're overthinking this a bit.

To be fair, I'll admit that my huge boobs look a million times better in a well structured bra than swinging free, so I can see where your chap is coming from!

Oh come on, surely it's sexier to be completely naked, it's not just the visual aspect, it's the sensual aspect of it too.

You might THINK someone looks sexier in underwear but you wouldn't say it would you? You'd just tell them they look sexy both with and without.

Why hurt someone's feelings and dent their confidence by saying they look better with underwear than naked?

NEXT

My DH is like that too. I happen to share his opinion so it is OK. I like him in a suit: phoarr.

However, if I said I found his opinion hurtful, he wouldn't call me too sensitive. He would reassure me he likes my body, say it's him not me who has the "thing" going on with lingerie, he would be falling over himself to make me feel happy. Which would be both nice and smart (he likes having sex and having me feel shit about my body would not result in lots of good sex).

So this makes me think is your boyfriend not nice, not smart, or do you "give" sex even when you don't feel happy about it?

I think most bodies look better in underwear tbh including my own

Also nice underwear seems to indicate more of an effort that nothing?

Doesn't sound like he said it to hurt you on purpose

I can well imagine if you are asked this question then a man may I prefer underwear. Yes, crass and stupid so if said spontaneously then likely nasty.

If the OP asked the question and gave him a choice, then he obviously has foot in mouth syndrome.

Really needs some context to say either way - I can imagine conversations where it is definitely offensive and ones where it isn't.

It sounds like its upset you though, which suggests the former without more info.

Oh come on, surely it's sexier to be completely naked, it's not just the visual aspect, it's the sensual aspect of it too.

I don’t agree with this. I prefer nice underwear.

Not that I would say this.

When we're in the mood, my partner makes me feel good in lingerie and naked, isn't it more about a connection and being tactile rather than a review of what you're wearing?

It's one of those things where context matters and in a newish relationship I can see how it be hurtful.

Is he's saying in a way that means he'd rather you keep your underwear on for sex or sleeping because he doesnt want to see you naked then he's a twat.

This early in when you accidentally hurt someone you apologise and not call them "sensitive"

I’d be upset but I would never ask. Did you ask or did he just come out with it? I agree that women look better in underwear, my husband I prefer naked. I think it’s a mean comment to make after 6 months together.

Well my boobs are definitely more boob shaped and in the correct boob place on my body when they are in a bra! So....

I think context is key here.

If I asked Dp a specific question he would answer honestly and I'd want him to but he wouldn't insult me and neither would he randomly decide to comment.

Eh? I thought that was the whole point of nice underwear.
Unless there is some backstory or he said it in a nasty way I don't see how it's hurtful or needs the dump and move on comments.

I suppose though to add to my last post I know he adores me and shows me in multiple little ways that that is true so I would know the feeling behind any comments he made on my body etc

The problem here is that when you said you didn’t like that comment, he told you you were too sensitive, which shows he can’t empathise, or take your needs seriously.
To me that is how you see someone in a casual relationship, because surely in a deeper relationship we are looking to be present and connect rather than appraise and give grades.
But some people are happy( or prepared to put up with) a more transactional approach to intimate relationship.
You know which is right for you op.

There are two possibilities here.

1. He's an arsehole and criticising your body.

1. He thinks that underwear/clothing is like wrapping a beautiful present, rather than dumping it on the table and saying 'here you go, love', and finds it enhances his appreciation with the appearance, texture and hints of what is waiting underneath. But is crap at saying it/is too embarrassed to say that nice underwear pushes every one of his buttons in case it sounds a bit pervy.

I am of the second opinion but not embarrassed in the slightest, DP doesn't see the need for it and his main aim is to get it all off me as quickly as humanly possible (whilst allowing for sensitivity). Which can be a bit meh, as I know any effort I go to will not make the slightest bit of difference. He is, however, a fan of how I do my makeup and hair on nights out and has the ability to occasionally say the right thing, so it's not 'Yeah, you look great. Can you get your tits out now?'

Only you can find out/know what he actually means.