He prefers my body in underwear?

[JayJay60]

This is a bit of an AIBU but definitely inappropriate to post there. Boyfriend of 6 months has said he prefers my body in underwear, saying it makes my boobs/butt look better. I found this quite hurtful honestly. He says I am being far too sensitive and we all have opinions and of course that is true but he again confirms "yes, I think your body looks better like that than naked" ?? I just, I don't know. Isn't this quite offensive? Am I being over sensitive?

[PinkHeart5914]

Surely that’s the point of nice underwear to look fucking hot!

Naked is good but I can completely understand why decent underwear does it for many people

[dontgobaconmyheart]

The whole purpose of the majority of underwear is that it lifts and shapes tbh, a bra especially quite obviously lifts breasts up most of the time and creates a cleavage. It's a tough one OP as I agree I'd feel like you do, but I am quite insecure about personal comments on my appearance and tend to conflate them into other things.
Logically, what he's saying is reasonable- maybe he's been abrupt and isn't being helpful in the aftermath but it doesn't mean he's wrong to have been honest. I'm sure we all have certain things we like our partner in or looking like at the end of the day, it doesn't mean he is saying he doesn't find you attractive when nude, just by saying he likes how underwear looks. I think I find underwear quite a bit sexier than a nude body anyway really in some ways.

I like my DP in a suit rather than in his lobby house clothes; it doesn't mean an awful lot. I think the notion that if you 'really' love someone you would think they were unbearably attractive in all states of undress regardless is totally unrealistic, especially as we are all ageing and changing often. I think if it's a one of comment and the relationship is otherwise good(?) I'd just forget it and focus on the fact it's a compliment about the underwear not an insult to your nude body. It is your body in the underwear after all, that he likes.

[Erythronium]

Tell him he has a tiny cock. If he complains remind him that it's just an opinion.

What a weird thing for him to say. Does he have form for saying hurtful things to you?

[Branleuse]

I think this is pretty normal tbh. Some people love nakedness, others prefer a bit of lingerie. I dont think this is particularly "out there"

Unless of course hes repulsed by you naked, which is completely differnt to prefering a bit of lingerie

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

Tell him he has a tiny cock. If he complains remind him that it's just an opinion.

Definitely do this. Dont have an adult converstation about the fact that you feel hurt or why he feels that way. Does nice underwear do it for him etc? It doesnt really do it for you etc.

Then when he responds with 'actually my dick is above average, its not my fault you have a baggy fanny' as a way to throw an insult back at you, try not to be offended. After all, if you follow the above advice, all you are doing is trading insults and purposely trying to hurt eachother. Not very healthy, though.

[Usedusername]

It might be worth pointing out to him that not all thoughts need to be expressed! There's nothing wrong with what he said IMHO but the fact it hurt you shows he should maybe think twice before saying something like that again...

[Branleuse]

If most people generally found people to look better naked than in sexy underwear, then they wouldnt make all the fancy frilly stuff would they. What would be the point

[Erythronium]

all you are doing is trading insults

Yes, that was my point, he insulted her. Don't be so literal.

[RuffleCrow]

ditch him. Let him go and eye up the lingerie mannequins in m&s instead of treating you like one if that's what he's into

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

Yes, that was my point, he insulted her. Don't be so literal.

Actually, we don't know it it was. OP didnt come back to explain if there was any context. If he has purposely insulted her, she should dump him.

Getting into a childish game of 'who can insult eachother more' really isnt going to help OP is it?

This converstation has upset her. How do you think she will feel after they have flung a few more insults

[Oldrockman]

Do people not have the common to give a non answer, say sometimes naked sometimes in underwear, then if they ask what underwear, give another broad answer. Say its down to how you feel or sometimes you like to see them take it off and so on. Don't give an answer that could upset the other person. Never negate how something makes them feel either, soon as people start doing it to you I feel its time to consider moving on.

[Shodan]

It's not a question I'd have thought to ask tbh (although I've texted DP to ask now ) but I think a lot depends on how it was phrased.

If it was exactly as you've said, that he 'prefers' you in underwear and that it makes your boobs and butt look better, I'd be hurt too, and probably less inclined to be uninhibited in bed.

If it was said in a complimentary way e.g that it does great things for your boobs/butt and that he loves the 'wrapping' then maybe that'd be ok.

Having said all that, I do prefer my body in underwear, although hold ups/g strings/anything that will sink into the fleshy bits won't do for me. DP I prefer naked cos he's beautifully made

[MrsTerryPratchett]

The issue isn't his preference, that's not important.

The issue is that he felt the need to express his preference and then call you sensitive for having feelings. That's what makes him an arsehole.

I might say, "DH you look hot in those boxers" but I wouldn't say, "I prefer your body in boxers" and then kick off if he was hurt. That's just shitty and I suspect negging.

[Usedusername]

Are you still there, OP? What do you think?

[JayJay60]

Sorry i have been so busy with work.

It originally came up that he doesn't like bums/anal anything of the sort, which is completely fine but he said he liked a butt in underwear, again all fine and I was like so you like the underwear to make a butt look better? Not being sarcastic, was trying to figure out his preferences and he says well I prefer it when you're in underwear, I think it makes your body look better... I hadn't actually asked him at this point. I was like what? So my boobs too (as he doesn't like butts, it didn't bother me about that but he always complimented my boobs) and he says, yes, I prefer them in a bra. I prefer your body in underwear than without but this point I was actually really hurt. It was those exact words of "I prefer your body in underwear than without". So I was like oh cool and was quite upset and that's when he said I was being ridiculous and it's a matter of preference just like we each have a position preference, but I have to disagree with that, I don't think it's the same at all.

Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

The issue is that he felt the need to express his preference and then call you sensitive for having feelings. That's what makes him an arsehole.

The issue is he was foolish enough to answer her questioning honestly and then be surprised at her over reaction.
Doesn't seem like he's an arsehole.

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

But OP, you did ask him.

He told you he doesnt like asses without underwear. It's a general issue.

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

Sorry got distracted.

It a general thing for him, when it comes to bums. Sounds like a general thing with boobs.

I think dicks are ugly. Men in boxers are far more attractive to me.

He probably should havent answered honestly. But then you would have probaly known he was being diplomatic and then bothered by it anyway.

[SleepWarrior]

It's the 'your' that's the problem here then.

He didn't say "I think nice underwear is more sexy than nakedness", he said "I prefer YOUR body in underwear than without". Then when you expressed upset he didn't clarify that he thinks that for everyone and he didn't mean to single you out, instead he called you sensitive. So a double insult.

Don't be with someone who blames you when they are insensitive and upset you, it'll be a long road of things like this. If you'd been married fifteen years and he was otherwise wonderful then I'd say talk it out, but 6 months - nah. Not the one.

[wotsittoyou]

I'm so suprised that people are saying that underwear clad is sexier than naked. I hate underwear, it always looks uncomfortable and try hard.

[AnotherEmma]

If you want to stick some nipple tassels on to spice things up in the bedroom, good for you. If your body confidence is low and you like to wear underwear to feel sexier and more attractive, fair enough. But please don't claim that most people think everyone looks better in underwear. No they don't. A lot of people appreciate the natural beauty of the human body.

During sex it's fun to take underwear off and touch and admire the body underneath. If you tell your sexual partner that their body looks better with underwear on, you risk spoiling their confidence and your shared pleasure in those moments.

[Cherylshaw]

I think men and women look sexier in underwear! I'd say you were being sensitive imo.

[user1486131602]

What do think he'd feel like if you said: I prefer your body in ....another room!
Blokes lack a sensitivity chip and women have 2!
Just explain that you can see his point of view, but because it's hurtful to you, he should respect your feelings and not put things that way again x

[Branleuse]

from your update, i think he sounds like he might have some hangups.