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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am probably being daft.

37 replies

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 22/12/2018 16:05

Why would a man that’s had a vasectomy take condoms in his washbag for an overnight business trip or have the packaging for a sim card that doesn’t match any of those for devices in the home? How would one investigate further? Should there even be further investigation or am I just a stupidly suspicious old bag?

OP posts:
JellycatElfie · 22/12/2018 16:07

I’d just ask him but I wouldn’t be able to cope with the not knowing. It doesn’t sound great... but could the condoms have been left over in the wash bag?? Could the SIM card be innocent? Do you trust him generally otherwise?

CryptoFascist · 22/12/2018 16:07

Doesn't sound good OP. I'd have to investigate.

category12 · 22/12/2018 16:10

Someone will say "posh wank" but that's nonsense.

You know exactly why he has condoms.

MarieG10 · 22/12/2018 16:10

Condoms to protect against STIs when having sex with someone other than his long term partner. The SIM card for the secret mobile phone he has got hidden somewhere.

Looks like you have a cheater....so do you really need more evidence?

Original poster
SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 22/12/2018 16:13

He’s not the type to cheat which is why I’m troubled about even being troubled. Been together 22 years and married 20. Feeling bonkers, actually - just set up a fake Tinder profile to check if he’s on there (I can’t see him).

OP posts:
category12 · 22/12/2018 16:14

There isn't a type.

jelliebelly · 22/12/2018 16:15

Doesn't take much explaining really - condoms to avoid STIs - SIM card for secret phone - he's not being very discreet though is he?

Neverexpected2 · 22/12/2018 16:18

No such thing as not the type. My ex dh of 21 years wasn't the type either till I found out he was screwing ow from work. He had a vasectomy for her too saying it was for us.

Original poster
SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 22/12/2018 16:19

I can’t find another phone.

OP posts:
purpleface · 22/12/2018 16:19

I would pop the sim in your phone and check for texts.

MarieG10 · 22/12/2018 16:20

So what other reason would he have condoms and evidence of an unrelated SIM card? You didn't really need to ask surely?

Insomnibrat · 22/12/2018 16:20

Of course he's 'the type' when flattered by another woman giving him attention, they're ALL the type. Hmm

TheQueef · 22/12/2018 16:22

Try grindr.

He's cheating. Flowers

Original poster
SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 22/12/2018 16:26

The sim is not there. It’s just the packaging in the front pocket of an overnight bag.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 22/12/2018 16:28

The SIM card is in his secret phone.

ButteryParsnips · 22/12/2018 16:28

Phone will be well hidden, perhaps in the car.

surlycurly · 22/12/2018 16:29

Aw dear. This doesn't sound good. Can you check his emails?

Weightsandmeasures · 22/12/2018 16:32

OP what innocent explanations can you think of for these items being there? I can't think of any that's sensible but maybe I'm not thinking hard enough.

The evidence suggests he is cheating.

loveyoutothemoon · 22/12/2018 16:32

Are the condoms and sim packaging definitely new? Could they be very old?

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 22/12/2018 16:39

He’s 100% sleeping with others.

Sunshineandflipflops · 22/12/2018 16:40

No such thing as not the type. My ex dh of 21 years wasn't the type either till I found out he was screwing ow from work. He had a vasectomy for her too saying it was for us.

Same, although his vasectomy was for us. No-one believes those bisbands/other halves are the ‘type’, otherwise they wouldn’t be with them.

SillyMoomin · 22/12/2018 16:43

SIM card will be from a company, ie Vodafone, O2 etc.

Can you search emails for that company?, there may be a bill showing the number etc

alfiesmam · 22/12/2018 16:43

I’d have to catch him out personally.

Has he been working late or lots of trips away recently or is he always at home ?

Are the condoms in date ? Have you access to his bank statement/ credit card statement to see where he’s spending his money ?

Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 16:49

Condoms - to protect against STIs in sex with both males and females. To prevent pregnancy.

SIM card - he has a secret phone. Another poster on here a while ago found her DHs in the car side pocket. Another found her DHs in the coat hanging up in the cupboard - he'd forgotten it whilst going to sleep one night.

OP - there isn't a "type". Sometimes it's the guy everyone loves - everyone says what a decent, good guy he is. His friends love him, his parents think everything about him is golden, his boss and work colleagues love him, no one has a bad word to say. It's any human, from any walk of life, with any reputation. You never, ever, truly know another soul.

Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 16:50

Also, if you confront him, they often say things like "my mate put it in there for a laugh", or, "my mate asked me to buy them for him because of xyz excuse" etc.