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Original poster

He got married. WTAF

46 replies

Mikethenight2good · 16/09/2018 10:49

So I have been dating / friends with benefits with a guy for about a year. Not serious, my marriage broke down, I enjoyed the occasional meetup and fun. We were acquantices for a few years before through the same social circle but nothing until the past year. We talked alot and confided in each other about stuff.

I found out through another friend he got married a few months ago....WTAF. I never realised he was serious with anyone nor that he got married. I am sure we have been together since he got married but he never ever said a thing....i feel sorry for his wife.

I feel really hurt by this. It's not that he was with someone, it's that he never told me. I would have definitely walked away. Before we hooked up he never brought anyone to social gatherings, and I thought, like me, just wanted some casual fun. I knew there were likely to be other woman in his life but to GET MARRIED???
I am going between fuming to being quite hurt....

OP posts:
Littlefish · 16/09/2018 10:50

What an absolute bastard.

When did you last see him?

AnyFucker · 16/09/2018 10:51

Unless he has undertaken a yruly open marriage from the outset I would be FURIOUS at unwittingly being cast as the OW.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2018 10:51

truly *

NothingOnTellyAgain · 16/09/2018 10:53

Wow hes a total scumbag.

Feel for you, what a shock, and his poor fucking wife.

Original poster
Mikethenight2good · 16/09/2018 10:54

Saw him last about a few weeks ago but we message weekly....
Funnily enough he is not responding to me message asking WTAF didn't he let me know.

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 16/09/2018 11:13

Cut him out of your life. He’s never going to answer your questions because he was lying about it (by omission) and now you’re angry so he’s not going to volunteer himself up to be shouted at.

Let it go, you’ve done nothing wrong. You were never the OW in my book because you were completely unwitting. If you keep trying to contact him, you are maintaining a relationship with him though and I think you need to stop now you know.

Original poster
Mikethenight2good · 16/09/2018 11:15

I don't want to be with him. I feel deceived, hurt and absolutely furious.

But I deserve a f'ing explanation.. ..

OP posts:
NothingOnTellyAgain · 16/09/2018 11:16

Agree with Angel.

Understand you are confused angry. Obviosuly. He's been a total scumbag.

Also know you have been friends fro a long time - he has betrayed you. And his poor fucking wife.

You will NOT get straigth answers. He will ignore (as at moment) and then whenhe thinks you've calmed down a bit will either continue to ignore or give you a pack of lies try to start it up again.

Hard as it may be best advice is to delete him from life.

BUT do you see him through mutual friends etc? Is that asier said than done.

powerwalk · 16/09/2018 11:29

His poor wife. You at least can delete him out of your life, sadly she is saddled with this shit bag.

I am sure she has no idea what she has married.

JungWan · 16/09/2018 11:29

men keep a few women simmering to keep their options open. It's so trashy. They don't give the women involved the information they need to make an informed decision. It's such shabby behavior.

Even the fake enlightened types do this.

AsleepAllDay · 16/09/2018 11:29

The explanation is that he is a cunt & kept you in the dark for sex

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/09/2018 11:33

I mean this kindly but, you say yourself that you "knew there were likely to be other women in his life"... you didn't mind then.

He got married. That has irked you because it's the ultimate commitment and he didn't tell you - that's hurt your feelings and fair enough about that. You say yourself that you were 'acquaintances'; that's not friendship really.

You aren't owed and explanation though and I'd stop contacting him because you'll regret that when your anger dissipates and you've had radio-silence ever since. Delete him and block.

Angelf1sh · 16/09/2018 11:33

You might deserve an explanation, but you’re not going to get one. He’s never going to volunteer to be shouted at by you. If by some chance you manage to corner him in person, anything that comes out of his mouth will be a lie. Don’t give him headspace, let it go.

If it helps, the explanation is this “I wanted to continue having multiple casual sex partners and I also wanted to get married. I knew I couldn’t do both and that if I told either group about the other, they’d dump me. So I hid it.” That’s really all there is to it.

abbsisspartacus · 16/09/2018 11:35

From other people who FWB they don't dtd when they are in official relationships only when they are at a loose end

sanssherif · 16/09/2018 11:40

Wow poor lasd
Lucky escape op

Heatherjayne1972 · 16/09/2018 13:48

Oh op you’ve every right to be angry but I don’t think you’ll get an explanation
Delete him from your phone block him on everything social media
And walk away head held up
And be glad your not the wife

Havaina · 16/09/2018 13:55

I'd have more sympathy for the wife tbh. You are blameless, he is a cheating bastard and the poor woman is married to that, you're not.

Huskylover1 · 16/09/2018 14:01

Wasn't it obvious that you were a secret? No meeting friend. No meeting family. Avoiding places you'd be spotted together. That sort of thing?

In any case, yes it's grim, and I'd tell the wife.

Havaina · 16/09/2018 14:12

I don't think OP was expecting to meet his family as his FWB/shag buddy Confused

It sounds like the wife was more of a secret than OP, as it was OP who attended events in their mutual social circle, not the wife.

Isitovernow · 16/09/2018 14:56

I know it'll take serious strength but i think you'd be best cutting him off & blocking him and never, ever again having anything to do with him.

Any contact between you & him could go against you because now you know he's married. Pity his wife doesn't know she's married to a promiscuous, cowardly jerk.

I do think it'd be best to keep it classy but I'd also be tempted to send one last text. It would say this:

'I could never & would never be with a married man. That is why I'm angry that you didn't tell me you were married. I feel so sorry for your wife. No doubt she has a world of pain in her future if she doesn't get out soon. But all of that will be on yours and the other woman's shoulders, not mine.'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/09/2018 15:29

... and if he has been with you whilst he was married, that suggested text ^^ will make him laugh up his sleeve at you.

He's probably reading what you send him but not replying anyway. He doesn't care. Be classy and absolutely silent to him from now, he doesn't deserve your friendship or anything else.

AsleepAllDay · 16/09/2018 18:02

Yes, FWB rules usually are that unless you're in an open relationship, you're doing this while probably dating other people/not exclusive but not seriously tied up either. They often fall apart when one person has feelings or meets someone else. It's a breach of etiquette as well as just being cunty by him

Rosemary46 · 16/09/2018 18:07

Why do you care , if it’s just the occasional meet up and fun?

I think that his wife deserves an explanation but I’m not sure you do, you were just someone he met up with for casual sex.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/09/2018 18:09

Why do you care

Maybe because she’s not a robot?

Rosemary46 · 16/09/2018 18:11

But I thought the point of fuck buddies was just that - no strings, no commitments , just sex .

Or isn’t it ?

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