Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I claim benefits while OH works away?

54 replies

Noneofyourbusiness1 · 22/07/2018 22:31

Title isn't as it sounds but I'm really struggling financially. OH works away but comes home on Friday leaves again Monday.
He is always late paying the rent landlord usually comes round to tell me it's late.
He is only sending me £50 for the week sometimes even less bills are going unpaid and piling up.

The £50 is usually gone on the first day I do a £40 food shop for me and the kids and £10 petrol. He earns a good wage so I don't understand why he's so mean with this money.

I'm very close to applying for benefits and not telling him but then I'm terrified of being found out and done for benefit fraud.

OP posts:
Pickleypickles · 22/07/2018 22:34

What he's doing is financial abuse. Have you spoken to him about it? Also I would be worried if he is missing payments and things, makes me wonder where the money is going. Personally I would be making plans to leave.

LizzieSiddal · 22/07/2018 22:34

No please don’t break the law, you will get into a lot of trouble.

Do you work? If not can you?
If you can’t work you have two choices: tell him you need more money and make him set up a Direct debits into your account. If he refuses tell him not to come home next week as you want to separate. You can then claim benefits and ask him for child maintenance.

Coolhotsummer · 22/07/2018 22:37

You might be Eligible for tax credits as a couple but you need his income details to apply. Obviously you can only apply as a single person if you separate.

Sirzy · 22/07/2018 22:38

Committing fraud isn’t the answer.

He needs to provide for his family- what’s his justification not to?

If he earns a good wage where is the money going? Sounds a bit worrying to me!

Byebyebye · 22/07/2018 22:40

You need to leave him, he’s financially abusing you.

As a side I work in benefits and you will eventually get found out. You (and only you not him) will be made to pay it all back, perhaps get a criminal conviction and will be treated with suspicion for any future benefit claim.

Runninglateeveryday · 22/07/2018 22:40

50 a week ?! What an insult. Have you spoken to him about this not being enough? Split up you'd be better off , tight wad.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 22/07/2018 22:41

By all means claim benefits as a single person, as you will definitely be better off than you are now, with your H financially abusing you.

However, you should also make sure he doesn’t come home.

You can’t remain in a relationship with this man AND claim as a single mum, but given the option, the benefits will be more useful than him.

Please don’t be tempted to fraudulently claim as a way to top up the pitiful amount he gives you, you will be putting yourself and your DCs at risk. Go through the courts and make sure he pays a proper amount of maintenance and that you get a decent split of any assets. He’s a dick and you deserve better.

gallicgirl · 22/07/2018 22:41

Why the hell is he leaving you so little money? If that's all that's spare, can you increase income or reduce outgoings in anyway?

Look at entitledto.com to see if you are eligible for any extra help as a couple. Although he's working away, you're still classed as a family so can't claim anything as a single person.

Coolhotsummer · 22/07/2018 22:42

Who gets the child benefit?

Original poster
Noneofyourbusiness1 · 22/07/2018 22:49

We have two ds and I'm nearly 8 months along now with the third so working isn't an option.
He earns just under 3k a month our rent is only 625 he has a car on finance 300 a month. Our outgoings are pretty low I've asked him why he's so tight and he just says that he has to be careful with his money because sometimes he has to pay upfront for hotels then claim it back. He seems to be out having fancy meals with his work friends a lot though!

Child benefit goes into his bank account he just transfers me it.

OP posts:
Coolhotsummer · 22/07/2018 22:52

How does he think the bills are getting paid?

LineRunner · 22/07/2018 22:55

You'd be better off without him.

Akire · 22/07/2018 22:55

That dosnt sound right at all. Where’s extra 2ka month going? If work is paying for hotels and expenses you should have plenty of savings. He’s taking you for a mug. Either he has huge savings or another family on the side. Or else he’s laying about job then what’s he doing all week?

What’s he emotional like when’s he home two days a week?would you really miss him? What happens if you ask for an increase for new baby?

NeverLovedElvis · 22/07/2018 22:58

This is financial abuse. What's his behaviour towards you like when he is at home? Is the tenancy agreement in your name or his? Have you asked him why he thinks it's ok for you to live on almost nothing while he earns so much?

I would not be willing to stay in a relationship with somebody who thought so little of me.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Waltzingmatilda65 · 22/07/2018 22:59

Where and how is he living midweek? I hate to say this OP but he is either;

  1. a total tight arse and too thick to realise you can’t possibly manage on this
  2. Keeping you short to force you into getting a job
  3. maybe not earning as much as you think and or living less frugally than he has led you to believe
  4. set up Home or a relationship with someone else or is about to Look into your options OP especially if you suspect option and keep your cards close to your chest. Take care 💐
Whatiwishfor · 22/07/2018 23:09

Financial abuse, financial abuse, financial abuse. This similar thing happened to me!!!

I dont think financial abuse comes alone there will also no doubt be a digree of emotional abuse. Claiming benefits wont help the situation its just skirting around it.
This situation is not normal, please think long and hard about whats actually going on here. xxxxxxx

Branleuse · 22/07/2018 23:20

youd be better off financially if you were a single parent. Why dont you have a little google and check what youd be entitled to if you were x

Singlenotsingle · 22/07/2018 23:23

One way or another you need enough money to pay for the DC 's food, clothes, etc. If he won't provide it, dump him and claim benefits.

NeverLovedElvis · 22/07/2018 23:24

This site will show you what benefits you'd get as a single parent. It will be more than £50 per week after rent. You would also get child maintenance from your ex partner.
benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

itwasallveryfuckedup · 23/07/2018 00:00

He's financially abusing you. 40 pound a week to feed the three of you is awful. Leave him and claim child support. You'll be better off. He sounds like an absolute dickhead.

Beetlebum1981 · 23/07/2018 02:48

£50 a week on that wage is appalling. His 'reason' for not giving you more is bullshit too. My DH often has to pay for travel expenses and then claim them back, that's what a credit card's for.
You need to tell him that you can't survive on that.

SandyY2K · 23/07/2018 03:34

Don't have any more children with him and think through your actions and consequences.

It really makes no sense...because it's harder to move away and you'll feel trapped.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 23/07/2018 04:10

To OP

3K/month is 2321/month in hand after Taxes. Subtract the 625 rent and 300 car finance leaves 1,396. Subtract the 200 you receive leaves 1,196. You have not mentioned Council Tax or Utilities? If he pays those too then there will be less than 1,196 to explain. Key word here is explain.

Sounds like you have very little idea what he does Mon to Fri. Not a good sign in any relationship. Maybe the time to move on has arrived...

RoboJesus · 23/07/2018 04:23

It sounds like he most likely has another family. But at best he has some sort addiction. Sorry but it sounds like there is no happy family answer

DianaT1969 · 23/07/2018 05:07

You say OH. Are you married? Was he tight when you had the first and second child, or is this a new thing?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.