Shall I claim benefits while OH works away?

[Noneofyourbusiness1]

Title isn't as it sounds but I'm really struggling financially. OH works away but comes home on Friday leaves again Monday.
He is always late paying the rent landlord usually comes round to tell me it's late.
He is only sending me £50 for the week sometimes even less bills are going unpaid and piling up.

The £50 is usually gone on the first day I do a £40 food shop for me and the kids and £10 petrol. He earns a good wage so I don't understand why he's so mean with this money.

I'm very close to applying for benefits and not telling him but then I'm terrified of being found out and done for benefit fraud.

You need a discussion about finances op. Would he be open to a joint account? Why is the rent not paid on direct debit every month so it's not late? He sounds like he's keeping all the money for his own amusement and leaving you with very little. It's not fair to you or your children.

Yes of course you should claim benefits.

Just make sure you change the locks.

The fact that he gets the child benefit really stands out to me. Even in horrendous financial abuse cases the mother has usually had the child benefit so he's obviously set out to do this from the start.

Child benefit must not go into his account that needs to stop right now.

You need to have the cb in your name because that is how the national insurance system recognises that you aren't earning due to caring responsibilities - so when you get to pension age your years as a sahp count as paid towards your pension. If it's in his name you don't get this.

He is being financially abusive and controlling. You need to escape. Contact Women's Aid and make an escape plan. You will need to be strong but you can do this.

If he is employed and works away in the week, his employer should cover the costs of hotels and meals out. Most decent employers will pay about £20-30 a day for meals and cover accomodation, so his 'fancy meals out with his mates' could just be him and his work colleagues feeding themselves on an evening.

But that's a separate issue. Even if he has to pay for it himself, he should put it all on a credit card and pay it off when he gets the expenses, which will be before the card is due to be paid, unless he has a really shit employer.

Fairest way to run the finances in your circumstances is for his wages and child benefit to go into a joint account, which is used to pay all basic bills, child expenses, food and domestic travel (it might be worth keeping his work travel separate - they should be paying him for petrol if he is using it as well). Put aside savings for annual and irregular expenses and then you split equally what is left so you both have some personal spending money - usually best to keep this separate so the money for bills isn't getting spent on unnecessary stuff.

The child benefit should be in your name if you are a SAHM because it gives you NI credits so you will get a pension. Please tell me that it is in your name?

You need to talk to him and get this sorted and if he won't agree, you need to separate and then you can claim benefits and maintenance from him.

You are not married, and are in a relationship where financial information is concealed from you and money supply controlled.

You are in a highly vulnerable position.

At 8mths pregnant, there isn't much you can do about returning to work in the very short term, but it is something you need to start planning for as soon as the baby is born. Because ending this vulnerability is something you cannot afford to do without.

Many moons ago I worked for a company where I worked away every week and I had to pay for all my accommodation, travel cost, meals etc and claim in back.

My employer only paid expenses monthly and it took 2 weeks from the date the monthly claim was submitted.

Some months my costs were more than my disposable income so I ended up either going without food while I was away or paying my household bills late.

I had to budget every single penny on a daily basis, it was a pretty fucking shit and miserable existence!

I'm not saying this is what is happening to your OH but it's not beyond the realms of possibility, so don't assume the worst case scenario of things like other lives and financial abuse.

Talk to him!

Before we moved here to Kuwait I had been made redundant and was claiming contribution based JSA. DH was teaching in the U.K. and we weren't eligible for tax credits. When he got the job here he came here in the April for 10 weeks for the last term. I changed my arm and food. I was entitled to make a single claim for tax credits even though we were still married. I'm not sure how that works but it did. All you can do is ask the worse they can say is no.

I’m surprised you chose to get pregnant again when you can’t afford the two you already have but what’s done, is done.
You might well be eligible for some additional support but you need to understand what your financial situation is before applying. It’s not fraudulent to apply - it’s fraudulent to lie about income.
He does sound unreasonable but living away from home for work can be expensive and not all companies deal with expenses swiftly. There might well be a cash flow problem but that could be dealt with via a credit card specifically for that purpose and paid off as soon as expenses were paid out.
You need an adult to afult conversation and a budget. You need enough to live on reasonably. You need sight of bank statements and credit card bills so you fully understand the financial picture. Then you need a joint account with equal access but agreed spending.

The expenses dosnt stand up though even if he takes a month to get reimbursed. He had about 2k a month free so even if he budgeting all of this he only needs to do this once over the year. Then he gets his cushion back to use again. No way he needs over 20k year just in case he need pay hotel bills.

Plus child benefit for two is £34.40 out of £50 he gives you only £15.60 is out of his own pocket. Plus rent and other bills pay of which he have cover if he was leaving alone anyway.

As another poster said talking about having child benefit in your name because of pension would be a good move. You could even spin it as they will be more money for you both when you retire if might twist his arm.

Any decent bloke would show you were all money is going. If he refuses then he dosnt really see this as a partnership at all

Please get the child benefit paid into an account with your name. If you don’t have an account please open one. When your next baby is born please make sure that the child benefit for this baby is paid into your account.
If by any chance he is working abroad and coming back to the UK at weekends then he may not be eligible to have CHB paid to him anyway.

I don't think you get child benefit for a third child now.

Financial abuse. You would probably get more if you left him and contacted csa.
I suspect other forms of abuse are also in play if you are afraid to point out to him that his child is going hungry while he is of living it up.

The way it works with my husband and company business trips is yes sometimes you do have to pay upfront for the hotel and claim it back. As for evening meals, it's usually the most senior member there pays for all the meals and claims it back on expenses. So yes I can see him having to keep back a portion of this but that would mount up in his account over time. Have you seen his bank balance?

How are the utilities being paid? And as others have said, the CB should go into your account to protect your contributions as a SAHM.

Why did you decide to have another child in such a predicament ?

You don't need to claim benefits whilst he's working away. You need to kick him out because he's totally taking the piss.

You deserve better than this.

I can only assume that those posters berating OP for having children with a financially abusive partner are fortunate enough to have never experienced this type of abuse.

Blaming women for their own abuse can make it harder for them to seek the help they need, or to leave the relationship.

OP please talk to women's aid. They will be able to help you and they will not judge or blame you.

Wow as a landlord I wouldn't be coming round to tell you it's late I'd be starting eviction proceedings. It sounds like he is financially abusing you.

If you live in UK you must get child benefit paid into you name, because the 'stamp' gets paid to entitle you to a state pension when you are not working and looking after children. You can check your state pension entitlement on www.gov.uk using your national insurance number. Secondly, your partner is not giving you enough money for you and the children. There was another story on here recently where a married lady had zero money for 18 years ! Why put yourself and your children in this position. You would probably receive more money being a single parent and working in the future. Seek help from Citizens advice

Sounds like he is leading a double life....think you have more to worry about than the lack of money....

i think you should stay single - he;s not your partner, he throws you his scraps

Just tell him you need more money or he’s not to return. Get tax credits and move the child benefit to you - he’s earning too much to claim it anyway surely so is it being paid back via his tax return?

Wow you really slept walked into this one didn’t you and you you have another kid on the way as well. It’s very simple, he either supports his family or he doesn’t but if he chooses not to, then then you need to become financially independent from him. Work out what your monthly outgoings are and tell him he needs to transfer that over to you in advance and get the CB also transferred to your bank account. Is the claim in your name, if not you will need to have the claim in your name.

You’re asking the wrong question, it isn’t ‘why is he a financially abusive arse’? It’s, ‘why the hell have I let this go on and made my myself financially dependent on him by having another child’?

File for divorce on basis of finacial abuse as unreasonable behaviour then claim CM. Better than being done for fraud.

You need the child benefit in your name!