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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has been messaging other women

32 replies

probablyhangry · 16/07/2018 21:13

Yesterday DH's phone was ringing whilst he was in the shower, so I decided to check who it was, it was his sister so I answered. After having a quick chat we hung up and his phone went back to the lock screen, he had some messages from an app called KIK and a few on whatsapp. All female names he had never mentioned before. So I decided to take a further look, I know I probably shouldn't have but i know his password and it was a bit of an in the moment decision. There were messages after messages to several women, some he had told he was single, other he had told them he was married but unhappy. Nothing innapropriate, just "friendly chats". He'd made me out to be some kind of monster and they were sympathetic towards him. Yet we've always had a good relationship, until now anyway. I don't even know what to say to him, how to talk to him about this

OP posts:
Feelingthepain · 16/07/2018 21:15

You dump his arse to the far side of nowhere! What a prick.

AnyFucker · 16/07/2018 21:16

"Nothing inappropriate" ? Confused

I'd hate to predict what you did find problematic

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 16/07/2018 21:17

Sounds like he is looking for an affair , if he hasn’t already managed to do so. Do you have children together?

I’d LTB , but get my ducks in a row first . Do you have a house together? X

Sorry you are going through this , what a DickheadFlowers

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 16/07/2018 21:17

You now need to unleash that monster.

Good luck Flowers

Cambshusband · 16/07/2018 21:20

That’s not cricket. At best he’s “curious”. In reality, he’s on the hunt.

welshmist · 16/07/2018 21:22

What an awful shock for you. He is up to something for sure.

AtreidesFreeWoman · 16/07/2018 21:24

Nothing Inappropriate - wtf?

He's messaging other women, lying about his relationship status - it's about as inappropriate as it gets....

My advice would be to see a solicitor ASAP.

Get all your paperwork in order and then tell the cheating asshole that whilst he wasn't single when typing those message he sure the fuck is now.

Racecardriver · 16/07/2018 21:26

Your ducks. Line em up.

StopPOP · 16/07/2018 21:26

What @Atriedes said. What's your home/children status etc so the folk who know about such things can advise you?

Original poster
probablyhangry · 16/07/2018 21:27

We have a 2 year old DD and twins on the way and a house together. So leaving isn't an easy option

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 16/07/2018 21:29

What a complete arsehole!!

Inappropriate meaaages dont have to be sexual OP. I’d say telling women he’s unhappy or single are woefully inappropriate.... get your ducks in a row and then kick him into touch!

Cricrichan · 16/07/2018 21:30

Kik seems to be used by men who want to message women without giving their phone number or messenger away. It's used quite commonly on dating apps I've found. He's probably finding these women on dating apps.

Cricrichan · 16/07/2018 21:36

And also by women wanting anonymity.

AtreidesFreeWoman · 16/07/2018 21:39

It's not easy living with a duplicitous asshole either.

Spending your energy wondering if he's cheating or not, if he's bought a spare phone for his hobby , is he really where he said he was going etc

It has a tendency to eat away at your self respect.

Get your act together as I said and then chuck him out.

If your relationship has any future then the first thing that needs to happen is that you will not tolerate this behaviour.

His reaction will help you decide if there's anything worth salvaging (though tbh in your situation I'd have his bag on the doorstep and a solicitors letter to him within a week - pregnant or not).

The fact he's doing this at a vulnerable point on your life when he should be supportive tells you exactly what a prize shit he is.

nicebitofquiche · 16/07/2018 21:41

You poor thing. He's a horrible prick. Like others have said get stuff in order. Go and see a solicitor. Then let him know that you know.

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 16/07/2018 21:58

Oh dear. Don't let on you know yet until you've had a good long think about the futures

Moominfan · 16/07/2018 22:01

Ok leaving isn't an easy option. Devils advocate what does staying look like? Turning a blind eye until full blown affair. Living with someone who's broke your trust. Bringing up children in a relationship that is riddled with infidelity. Staying isn't easy at first but it will be easier in the long run x

AnyFucker · 16/07/2018 22:26

Twins you say ?

Hmm, he is a bad 'un for sure

findingmywaytoday · 16/07/2018 23:22

Whilst leaving isn't an easy option, it may be best to have a serious think about it and leave / make him leave on your terms. Staying / not exploring your options leaves him in a position of power and runs the risk of him potentially walking out when you're not expecting it.

TheMonkeyMummy · 16/07/2018 23:37

Oh no! What is your gut telling you?

Screen shot everything. EVERYTHING. Sleep on it and then ask yourself how would you feel if this was your daughter in 25 years time telling you this?

DarkNightDelight · 17/07/2018 00:01

Kik is a messaging app where you don't swap numbers just user names so it's more discrete.... Thanks

Kingsclerelass · 17/07/2018 00:15

He’s either an idiot or a complete bastard.

Has the idea of babies 2 & 3 made him feel so excluded that he’s busy having a not too private fantasy?

As pp have said, I’d screenshot everything, work out what your options are and then confront him. If he doesn’t come clean about absolutely everything, I’d pack his stuff for him.

Apileofballyhoo · 17/07/2018 00:17

So sorry, OP. How are your finances?

TheseThingsMatter · 17/07/2018 00:24

Sounds like he might be using an online dating website. OLD is full of these stupid married men lying about the status of their marriages. It's just a matter of time before he convinces some woman he is "essentially" single.

flumpybear · 17/07/2018 02:21

He needs to leave! Disgusting behaviour - I feel for you with young kids but seriously!