DH has been messaging other women

[probablyhangry]

Yesterday DH's phone was ringing whilst he was in the shower, so I decided to check who it was, it was his sister so I answered. After having a quick chat we hung up and his phone went back to the lock screen, he had some messages from an app called KIK and a few on whatsapp. All female names he had never mentioned before. So I decided to take a further look, I know I probably shouldn't have but i know his password and it was a bit of an in the moment decision. There were messages after messages to several women, some he had told he was single, other he had told them he was married but unhappy. Nothing innapropriate, just "friendly chats". He'd made me out to be some kind of monster and they were sympathetic towards him. Yet we've always had a good relationship, until now anyway. I don't even know what to say to him, how to talk to him about this

[MariePoppins1]

He is most likely using online dating and casual sex sites to get numbers. Kik is often used by men having affairs, when I did online dating I had a few married men want to message me on it so their wives didn't find out apparently it's easy for then to delete and re download of course once I knew they were married I pursued no further, but sounds like he's leading these women a merry dance as well as you.

I can't see this improving, if he's seeking out and having affairs, sorry

[isseywithcats]

when i found this on my ex husbands phone i spent about half an hour messaging the women saying, by the way hes married to me and we still live together and sleep together, no more no less, and till i caught him again and exploded there was nothing he could do about it but he knew i knew what he was up to, if i was you i would send a mass text to these women saying our marriage is so bad im expecting twins

[NotTheFordType]

He's clearly got one foot out the door. Leaving might not be easy, but it will be a damn sight easier than him suddenly walking out the door leaving you holding all the babies with no warning.

[Gottokondo]

Your relationship with him will never last. The only thing that you can do is either leave on your terms or wait till he leaves you. There is always the option of staying while he goes off to have his affairs and gaslights you while you are at home feeling unhappy.

Which is the best choice for you?

[Sally2791]

Have a good. long think about it, do more digging and snooping while you still have the password, save all evidence then make him single. Horrible short term but easier long term than constantly wondering what he's up to

[Cherubfish]

What a sleaze ball. You must be devastated OP

[LuvMyBubbles]

Staying with a cheater is harder. How do know nothing more hasn’t gone on?

[flumpybear]

He needs to leave! Disgusting behaviour - I feel for you with young kids but seriously!

[TheseThingsMatter]

Sounds like he might be using an online dating website. OLD is full of these stupid married men lying about the status of their marriages. It's just a matter of time before he convinces some woman he is "essentially" single.

[Apileofballyhoo]

So sorry, OP. How are your finances?

[Kingsclerelass]

He’s either an idiot or a complete bastard.

Has the idea of babies 2 & 3 made him feel so excluded that he’s busy having a not too private fantasy?

As pp have said, I’d screenshot everything, work out what your options are and then confront him. If he doesn’t come clean about absolutely everything, I’d pack his stuff for him.

[DarkNightDelight]

Kik is a messaging app where you don't swap numbers just user names so it's more discrete....

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Oh no! What is your gut telling you?

Screen shot everything. EVERYTHING. Sleep on it and then ask yourself how would you feel if this was your daughter in 25 years time telling you this?

[findingmywaytoday]

Whilst leaving isn't an easy option, it may be best to have a serious think about it and leave / make him leave on your terms. Staying / not exploring your options leaves him in a position of power and runs the risk of him potentially walking out when you're not expecting it.

[AnyFucker]

Twins you say ?

Hmm, he is a bad 'un for sure

[Moominfan]

Ok leaving isn't an easy option. Devils advocate what does staying look like? Turning a blind eye until full blown affair. Living with someone who's broke your trust. Bringing up children in a relationship that is riddled with infidelity. Staying isn't easy at first but it will be easier in the long run x

[Rozzzzzalmost35]

Oh dear. Don't let on you know yet until you've had a good long think about the futures

[nicebitofquiche]

You poor thing. He's a horrible prick. Like others have said get stuff in order. Go and see a solicitor. Then let him know that you know.

[AtreidesFreeWoman]

It's not easy living with a duplicitous asshole either.

Spending your energy wondering if he's cheating or not, if he's bought a spare phone for his hobby , is he really where he said he was going etc

It has a tendency to eat away at your self respect.

Get your act together as I said and then chuck him out.

If your relationship has any future then the first thing that needs to happen is that you will not tolerate this behaviour.

His reaction will help you decide if there's anything worth salvaging (though tbh in your situation I'd have his bag on the doorstep and a solicitors letter to him within a week - pregnant or not).

The fact he's doing this at a vulnerable point on your life when he should be supportive tells you exactly what a prize shit he is.

[Cricrichan]

And also by women wanting anonymity.

[Cricrichan]

Kik seems to be used by men who want to message women without giving their phone number or messenger away. It's used quite commonly on dating apps I've found. He's probably finding these women on dating apps.

[Thebluedog]

What a complete arsehole!!

Inappropriate meaaages dont have to be sexual OP. I’d say telling women he’s unhappy or single are woefully inappropriate.... get your ducks in a row and then kick him into touch!

[probablyhangry]

We have a 2 year old DD and twins on the way and a house together. So leaving isn't an easy option

[StopPOP]

What @Atriedes said. What's your home/children status etc so the folk who know about such things can advise you?

[Racecardriver]

Your ducks. Line em up.