A bit pissed off with Dh’s comment when I asked him to help out in the morning before school.

[CocoDeMoll]

We’ve got a newborn as well as rec age dd so we’ve had a few competitive tiredness and weight pulling arguements already which is why I didn’t start another arguement now, especially as we’d had a nice evening.

So I was just getting stuff ready for school run tomorrow when I said to dh ‘any chance you can get up with me to help out before I take dd to school’? He doesn’t work Mondays so I didn’t think this was unreasonable. He laughed and said ‘but I wouldn’t really be much use would i’. I agreed and said that he wouldn’t because he gets up and sits outside drinking tea and smoking for about half and hour before he can engage with me and the kids. He agreed and didn’t try to argue against what I said because he knows it’s true. By this time I’ve done everything and if the baby’s crying I’ve sorted it before dh would be any use. So what’s the point in getting him up? Not sure why I’m posting this but just had to get it off my chest. What would you say in that situation without causing an arguement?

He gets up 30 mins earlier so he could help he sounds useless

I was just going to say the same thing. He gets up 30 minutes earlier to take into account his 'waking up' period. But most importantly, he still gets up!!

Be completely direct.

"I'd like you to get up tomorrow early enough that we can sort the children together".

No, he doesn't get to slide out of looking after his own children just because he basically can't be arsed!

What if you felt like sitting around drinking tea for half an hour every morning?!

I should have thought of that! Perfect answer although he’d probably find a reason not to.

I’d love to sit around drinking tea for half an hour but it’s always a bit manic however much time I leave.

he gets up and sits outside drinking tea and smoking for about half and hour before he can engage with me and the kids.

Seriously! How about you start having to sit outside drinking tea and going on MN for about half an hour before you can engage with him and the kids?

You have a newborn. That in my experience is more work than a full time job.

The point of him getting up is to share in the care of his children and to help you - the person he chose to marry. He's behaving like a lazy teenager

I also suggest the direct approach and wording Onemanssoapopera suggests.

Yep, I think direct is the only way. If i leave to much open to discussion it all goes wrong. A bit like with a child!

He sounds like a useless tosser.

I'm a smoker, having a fag takes 5 minutes tops.

drmrdilkington he is a useless tosser first thing in the morning! He was pretty much admitting to this when he said he wouldn’t really be any help to me in the morning. He gets better as the day goes on.

That answer at the time, as everyone else has said would have been to tell him that he needed to get up that extra 1/2 hour early then, if he needed it.

However, when you get up with your older dc, if the baby needs attention, just go an put the baby on your dh, and get on with sorting the little one who needs to go to school. If you are a parent, then parenting isn't optional.

I can hardly believe this. If he doesn't work on Mondays he has absolutely no excuse or reason to expect you to do everything. He could be getting your daughter's breakfast. And why is he loafing around, smoking with children there, even outside?

If he doesn’t work on a Monday and you take care of your baby during the night, you should be staying in bed and your DH getting up,and getting your DD to school by himself.

So you are getting stuff ready in the evening and doing everything in the morning too? What is the point of him?

dilly I think so too but he’s such a grumpy arse before he’s surfaced (outside with tea and a fag) that it’d take more effort to get him up than it would for me just to get on with it. I do the nights for the same reason. He’s in a different room anyway because smoking and a new baby makes me scared of Cot death.

He actually has the brass neck to say that? Wow

terf he does get better as the day goes on. I do feel like ‘what’s the point of him’ sometimes but he’s just useful enough to keep around! I don’t usually get stuff ready the night before but though it’d make the morning less rushed.

costa that’s what got to me. The cheek of it. He probably thought he was being cute saying it so blatantly but all it’s done is made me realise he knows he’s a useless arse first thing yet chooses not to try and change

Are you going to work and baby to nursery. If not just pop baby innto the bed with him and just look after your little one. After school run he may be more alert so can mind baby while you have a walk or a coffee.

I’m on mat leave and dd goes to school. The baby is 8weeks so always with me. I tried doing the school run without baby ds but I’d come back and dh would be flustered saying he’d been crying hungry the whole time.

So, if he's flustered, then suggest he could get your older dc ready and do the school run himself.

Let him be flustered and ignore.

Why are you doing all this on his day off work?? You stay in bed with baby, he is responsible for school aged DC, surely that's logical and fair?

What else does he bring into the marriage? Is he normally this useless with his own children??