Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I slept with someone else during a break up

51 replies

Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 03:17

My ex and i spilt up a month ago after I found texts from another women telling her how beautiful she was. I ended it then and there, he never reached out to me and left me in a state for 3 weeks. I met someone at the gym and slept with him unprotected once. Never believing i would get back with my ex. Now we are working things out and i dont know if i should tell him or not and feel so much guilt?

OP posts:
serialcheat · 25/05/2018 03:30

Guilt for what !? You ended it.... finished it..... drew a line in the sand.

Maybe he slept with the other woman !? A one off and decided that you were the one for him.

You both took time out. For a brief period, you had no connection or commitment to each other.
It was just a fling - a - ling, and it probably did you the world of good....raised your self esteem, gave you some perspective, so stop beating yourself up over it.

It was an experience, that hopefully you enjoyed and learnt from. He has no purse or connection to it.

Hoping things work out for you both :-)

BrutusMcDogface · 25/05/2018 03:38

The only problem I can see is the fact you were unprotected.......I wouldn't have unprotected sex with your partner until you've been checked for STIs. I'm assuming there's no chance of pregnancy?!

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 03:41

I've been tested and nothing and no chance of pregnancy

OP posts:
Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 03:41

Thank you. This is just what I needed.

OP posts:
Staying · 25/05/2018 05:21

He cheated on you emotionally IN a relationship and you feel guilty for sleeping with someone else after it ended. Something doesn't sound right there!

reverseparking · 25/05/2018 05:29

You were on a break!!!!
Screams like Ross in Friends

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 05:35

Staying I know it sounds silly and I dont know why I feel guilt, guess its just who I am. I know i wasn't in a relationship and would never do that. Your point is sooo good though. He did wrong and ran away and wouldn't talk to me for a month. Didnt want to face the music about the fact he had been caught red handed in texts to some random.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 25/05/2018 05:41

Didnt want to face the music about the fact he had been caught red handed in texts to some random

Sorry to say it, but neither of you sound serious about the relationship. He sexted a random, you slept with a different random. I'd seriously reconsider whether this relationship has a long term future. It doesn't sound like it to me, from the outside.

Why get back with someone who's got their eye on someone else.

It's a golden opportunity to say "I deserve better".

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 05:48

But what I did was not wrong.... i was single and trying to find my feet after a year long relationship ended. He wouldn't talk to me, he never called or texted and when i tried he blocked me. How can you say I wasnt serious about the relationship when I was faithful for the whole year and thought it was completely over? I never thought he would come back!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 05:49

I ended up reaching out for the final time and thats when he said he wanted to work things out.

OP posts:
Staying · 25/05/2018 05:54

OP look, he was caught wouldn't admit it. You reached out to him and he's said he wants to work on it (whatever his wording was). Thing is, he surely has a lot to prove to you. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who you can't trust? Because will you be totally happy never to see his phone, for example?

Not everyone is a cheater. If he wants you he needs to prove himself. Don't make it easy for him.

Shoxfordian · 25/05/2018 05:56

You have nothing to feel guilty about

Think very seriously about whether you want to give him another chance though.

daisychain01 · 25/05/2018 05:57

I'm not saying what you did was wrong. I'm saying be realistic and ask yourself if you both have your heart in it. More importantly, is this the type of person you want to be with. You had to go chasing after him for one last time. That seems quite one sided to me

It's entirely your choice if you want to sleep with whoever you want, but why then go back to this person who clearly isn't committed to you. You broke free of him, why go back now. He'll probably do the same thing in a few months when he gets bored.

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 05:57

Thank you and you are right. I shouldnt feel guilty for something i did while Broken up not on a break broken up. I told him it will take time for me to trust again and this other girl was a big secrect. Thank you Staying for your advice :-)

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 25/05/2018 05:57

Sorry to say it, but neither of you sound serious about the relationship. He sexted a random, you slept with a different random.

The big and very obvious difference here is that he behaved like this while in the relationship, OP was single with she was with someone else. Do you see?

OP why do you think he didn't contact you for three weeks after the break up? I bet he was having the time of his life! And then when the shine wore off back he came. Should you tell him? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 06:00

Thats my fear he will do it again. I was so loyal and committed to him and he still strayed.

What about in a few months and he is bored, that is a very good question! He would probably do it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 06:01

Thanks MsGameandWatching

Great advice x

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 25/05/2018 06:04

Or maybe it would do him good to understand that he's not the only one with other options.

I don't think he's a keeper Mason. He's behaved very badly towards you.

Cawfee · 25/05/2018 06:06

You were only together for a year and already you are trying to work things out! He messaged another woman during the honeymoon period. I wouldn’t give him the time of day! It’s not worth the effort. What? Are you going to invest more years in this man just to have this happen again. Because it will. Because people that way inclined are always that way inclined. I’d say dump him, get yourself back to the gym for some more fun flings with sexy young men and enjoy.

Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 06:06

I thought the same thing HeddaGarbled.

Yeah he did, I cried and couldnt go to work or eat. Was a very hard time thats for sure x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mason4572 · 25/05/2018 06:08

Thanks Cawfee, you put a very good point across.

OP posts:
category12 · 25/05/2018 06:46

I think you're making a mistake reconciling.

He's been unfaithful. Or tried to be. And when found out, ran away and cut contact. That's not someone you can trust either to be faithful or to work things out together in times of trouble. You were free, you shouldn't be taking him back.

LellyMcKelly · 25/05/2018 07:06

You had broken up. You could have shagged the whole of Scotland if you’d wanted.

SandyY2K · 25/05/2018 07:20

I ended up reaching out for the final time and thats when he said he wanted to work things out.

After he did wrong why are you the one chasing him? He ignored you and you were more or less begging after he blocked you.

That's what you did wrong IMO.

OakIsBetterTho · 25/05/2018 07:23

Bloody hell, he's got you right where he wants you hasn't he? So after he did you wrong (after only a year?!), you begged for him back, he deigned give you another chance, and now you're feeling guilty about something you did while you weren't even together
Massive mistake getting back with him.