How long you got?
Ex 1: told everyone I was in jail for attacking him with a knife, then told everyone I’d been released and was now living with a notorious criminal.
Ex 2: Rang my mother and said they needed to talk about my unacceptable behaviour and agree how to deal with it, as they had to make sure they presented a united front. (My crime was going running rather than cooking his dinner)
Accused me of shagging no less than four blokes at work on the basis that he turned up unannounced and I was “locked in a room with them”. Yeah, it’s called a meeting dickhead, and it was a glass walled room!
Was gleeful at “catching me lying” when I said the bus was due at five past the hour, he checked and it was in fact due at four minutes past.
Ex 3: Went to a solicitor to sue me for adultery, when 1. We were never married, 2. We’d been split up for nearly a year, and 3: I’d only been on one date with the so called affair partner, barely knew him.
Was caught on CCTV slashing my tyres and insisted he was actually checking the tyre pressure for me, at 2am in the pouring rain.
Announced no less than four times (and counting) that he’d been given three months to live. Apparently, he went to the gp, who gave him a quick check up, and delivered the bad news on the spot.
I could go on all night, I sure can pick em.