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Original poster

Moving in new boyfriend

34 replies

princessbride17 · 26/04/2018 22:15

I split with ex just over a year ago. I met my new partner 4 months ago. He has met my kids (as a friend) and am building this up slowly and carefully before I tell them. I would like him to move in with use eventually but I still live in the house my ex jointly owns.
I ended the relationship and he agreed to move out if I could cover the mortgage on my own, which I've been doing for the last year. The house has been on the market all this time but its struggling to sell.
I didn't want to make this commitment to anyone else until I was living in my own place but I have no idea how long its going to take for the house to sell and I feel like my life is on hold.
I also suspect my ex will NOT be happy about this at all. I know he doesn't contribute to the mortgage but is it morally wrong to move my new partner in when the house still belongs to my ex?
What are your thoughts on this?

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 26/04/2018 22:18

It’s morally wrong to consider moving a man in with your child after you have known him for four months.

That’s as far as your thought processes should go for now.

But on the other points, yes, it is wrong IMO. I’d be a little bit pissed if after four months somebody moved another person in to the house that I own.

FailingTheBoyfriendExam · 26/04/2018 22:18

Not sure about the morals, but 4 months isn't very long to be thinking about him moving in!

Janleverton · 26/04/2018 22:18

When were you planning to move him in?

4 months in and already thinking about this/meeting kids seems far too much too soon, particularly when you only broke up with the kid’s father about a year ago. Though may feel different if they’re in their 20s!

Antigonads · 26/04/2018 22:19

4 months? You must know him so well.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2018 22:20

In four months you can't possibly know someone well enough to move them in with your children.

Is he agreeing to live with you? I'd question a guy who would live with a woman and her children so quickly.

I know it's different if you're 21 and neither have children, but you're not in that situation.

Monty27 · 26/04/2018 22:50

Far too soon to move a man in with DC's after such a short time. You would need a lot of luck for it not to end in upset and tears.

naebotherpal · 26/04/2018 22:58

What’s the rush? Surely the kids have enough to adjust to with their dad moving out and a house move on the cards.

Cricrichan · 26/04/2018 23:04

Nothing to do with your ex but please don't move a man in so quickly

SD1978 · 26/04/2018 23:05

Yup, sorry I’m with most others. 4 months and already introduced to the kids and wanting him to move in, depending on the kids ages seems unnecessarily fast. Their family has only just split up. I’d be waiting longer.

LovingLola · 26/04/2018 23:06

It's nothing to do with your ex, your new man or your house.
It's all to do with your children.

UserV · 26/04/2018 23:10

I agree with other posters. YABVVVVVVVVVVU to move in new B/F after 4 months! I have had food in my fridge longer than that!

SandyY2K · 26/04/2018 23:28

Too soon to be thinking of him moving in. What's the rush?

dirtybadger · 27/04/2018 01:20

Im sure the house will be sold by the time it is actually reasonable to live with your new boyfriend. 4 months is wayyyy too soon.

Tattybear16 · 27/04/2018 02:15

Sorry, in agreement with the other posters 4 months is way too soon, you don’t say how old your kids are, but your priority should be them. Your ex moving out and them having to move house will be upheaval enough, without further complicating it. Stop thinking about yourself and look at the impact on your kids of all the emotional crap they are going through. Everything’s that’s happened to date will have a massive impact on them mentally. Having someone move in when you really haven’t been dating that long is not a great idea IMHO. What’s the rush?

PrizeOik · 27/04/2018 02:17

Four months in, my dp knew my DC names and was still a year off from meeting them.

You're heading for a fall op, why are you rushing this?

Olicity17 · 27/04/2018 04:58

You need to slow down.

I split with my husband a year ago. The house sale is due any day. I am seeing someone. My dp is someone i have known 10 months. Up until 6 months ago, he was a friend. He is a relative of my best friend, so my kids had also met him before we got together. My kids still dont know we are a couple. My house purchase should be done within a month too. Absolutely no way i would be moving dp in next month.

I am totally happy with dp. The kids love him. The kids love him as their aunties (they call my best friend auntie) relative. Not as their mums boyfriend or potential step father.

Its still too soon.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 27/04/2018 05:30

I also agree with pp that it is way way too soon. I've been with my new dp for 6 months after being separated from stbxh for 18 months. My dc are 13 & 14. I have absolutely no desire to be piggy I the middle to a new dp and two teenagers. My life with him is wonderful, we go on dates, love our couple of nights per week together. The other nights I'm Mum. Not a cat in hells chance do I want him living with me and my dc so soon.

There is NO rush, you barely know him.

flumpybear · 27/04/2018 05:35

You don't know this man at all really considering you've known him since what, Christmas ?! And you'd consider bringing your kids to this situation?! No, farrrrrr too soon for a single lady let alone subjecting your kids to this new man

TeeBee · 27/04/2018 05:49

4 months? I've been seeing my DP 4 years after my marriage ended and I still think it's too soon. My kids come first. How can you possibly know someone well enough after 4 months? Answer=you can't. Take a breath. Learn to live without a man. If he's worth holding onto, he'll still be there but by that time you'll know far more about him and whether you can live with all his little foibles.

Mini2017 · 27/04/2018 05:56

Too much too soon. Why the rush? I wouldn't be comfortable with my daughter being around a person her dad has just met and wouldn't dream of doing that either.

RainyApril · 27/04/2018 06:10

Move your bf into your new house, in a year or so.

I don't know how you can say you feel like your life is on hold. You've ended a relationship and started a new one within months, and are in the process of selling your home. That doesn't sound 'on hold' to me.

And yes I imagine your ex would be pissed off if you moved your bf into the house you jointly own. Who would be happy to have their relationship end, be told to move out, then watch as a new man moves in to be stepdad to their kids? I expect he would also be worried that you'd then drag your heels about selling, in your new cosy set up and with someone else helping you to pay the mortgage.

And I guess your ex's life is 'on hold' too. He probably can't buy a new home until this one sells.

category12 · 27/04/2018 06:19

In the first flush of infatuation, you are going too fast. You barely know this man. Get to know him inside and out before you start imagining living together. You've the dc to think about.

tissuesosoft · 27/04/2018 06:27

Will you be buying a new home jointly together? If it’s just yourself and he will then move in, ensure he has no rights to any claim on your property

SoapOnARoap · 27/04/2018 06:37

Put the brakes on, this is the lust stage OP. 4 months in & meeting children, is way too soon, let alone moving in.

Lostlily · 27/04/2018 06:44

I am in a similar situation in that I separated a year ago and have been dating for last few months, ....I am enjoying meeting new people and dating again after being unhappy for quite a long time and being cheated on by my ex, but I would not move in with anyone yet.
Like you, my house is on the market and we are also struggling to sell which is holding me and my ex from moving on financially, its a nightmare. I am living at my parents house as he has nowhere to go BUT more than anything I am looking forward to selling up, buying MY OWN place on and being me again, self sufficient and financially independent with my own front door!
I would let someone move in with me at a later date if I felt we were at that stage but no way after 4 months.
Its nice that you met someone so soon that you feel so strongly about, but it really is quick to be thinking of living together and you honestly wont know each other well enough yet.