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Original poster

Husband's outburst after I refused to go to party.

31 replies

WishfulWanderer · 19/02/2018 17:36

My husband, with whom I have a terrible relationship, and planning a divorce. Told me we have been invited to a big (distant) family 70th party overseas. I have been quiet depressed lately, and not wanted to do anything. I said I don't want to go, he flew off the handle got very angry shouted at me a lot in front of children saying who do you think you are, I'll take the kids without you, how dare you, stop acting like your divorced sister and on. I asked him to please not shout, the children were upset, he then told me I am being a shit, and he's fed up of my behaviour. I said in a quiet voice, please don't be angry, I just don't feel like going, please can't you see it would be unreasonable to force me. He continued shouting then stormed out of the house, leaving the children standing and crying because he was due to take them out. He did come back to get them after my son called him and cried on the phone.
Just looking for people's thoughts am I being unreasonable? I would never expect him or anyone to go somewhere they didn't want to.
Thanks

OP posts:
Beanteam · 19/02/2018 17:39

I don't see why he can't take the DCs to it on his own.

His treatment of the children was awful. His shouting at you was not acceptable.

You don't say what age the DCs are.

mamaryllis · 19/02/2018 17:41

If it’s his family member, surely he would just take the kids on his own if you are already planning a divorce?

LaContessaDiPlump · 19/02/2018 17:43

That's a nice bit of demonizing the concept of divorce he did there. Did he dislike your sister anyway, or is the fact that she's divorced (i.e. prized herself away from a twatty man) enough to earn his ire?

YANBU.

Gemini69 · 19/02/2018 17:44

wow he sounds... Charming.... Hmm

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/02/2018 17:46

Weird of his family to invite you when you are mid-divorce. That could be so so awkward.

Does your solicitor think there is some reason why he should not take the children away on his own?

MrsBertBibby · 19/02/2018 17:46

He's what is known in the trade as "off his fucking chump".

Is this kind of thing common with him? You need to stop planning that divorce and make it so.

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 19/02/2018 17:52

His family don't yet know about the divorce, the petition has gone in but he's not been served the papers yet. He knows its coming.
He is in denial and probably will disagree to the divorce.
The children are 5, 7, and 11.

@LaContessaDiPlump no he didn't obviously dislike my sister but has been a bit over focussed on her divorce, strangely. He is very anti-divorce of course.

Some people in his family are alcoholics and in the past I have disagreed to the children being left alone with them, which he has done (it was a disaster). So I suggested we discuss him taking them, so he knows I can only agree if he agrees to be in full charge of them.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 19/02/2018 19:01

I imagine he is terrified you'll actually go through with it (divorce). I suggest you do as he sounds rather unpleasant.

Can't advise on the trip I'm afraid; he sounds untrustworthy to me Sad

AnyFucker · 19/02/2018 19:05

I can see why you are divorcing him. What a prick.

Northernparent68 · 19/02/2018 20:31

His behaviour was appalling, but ask yourself honestly what have you been like to live with, it’s not easy living with someone with depression.

KateSheppard · 19/02/2018 20:42

Is this overseas country a signatory to the Hague Convention re: child abduction?

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 19/02/2018 21:27

@Northernparent68 I have only been depressed recently last 2 months, first time in 14 years of being together.

@KateSheppard it is signatory to The Hague convention, in Europe. I guess my problem isn't disallowing him to take the children but the fact he doesn't want to talk about it and simply says he will be booking flights and taking them. No consideration or conversation is what bothers me.

OP posts:
KateSheppard · 19/02/2018 21:39

Very strange timing to be desperately clamouring to attend such a socially irrelevant social engagement.

Hague or no Hague, it's suspicious. I'd be very wary, OP. Very wary, indeed.

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2018 21:43

I think it's weird he wants you to go too and that you have to justify it. Why didn't you just say that as you're getting divorced and it would be clearly inappropriate for you to attend and close the discussion down?

caringdenise009 · 19/02/2018 21:46

Just tell him it's fine but you will be staying home to enjoy a quiet,child free few days.

He won't take them.

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2018 21:46

And he's doesn't need to agree to the divorce. You can still divorce him.

What are you doing to split and have one of you leave?

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 19/02/2018 21:51

@Bluntness100 he is in denial about the divorce, very early stages. I think he wants to present as if everything is okay to his family.
I didn't say much in the discussion because I didn't want it to continue but he kept on ranting. Slagging off my sister and friends who have nothing to do with anything.

Re the split he has refused to leave the home (told me to go knowing I can't afford to), and I can't financially, so will be living here for the time being, though we are in separate rooms, on separate floors.

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 19/02/2018 22:16

That’s very strange behaviour. Why can’t he go on his own? It doesn’t need you to be there. These are distant relatives of his. No obligation on you at all. No wonder you feel depressed with that type of attitude surrounding you. He’s being very bizarre and there isn’t really any defence he can offer. The only thing I can think is that he wants you there to do all the “childcare” - he can get off his face and you deal with all the travelling/practical stuff while he gets to swan around like the king of England. Don’t go. It’s not your problem. I’d be wary of letting him take all the kids abroad especially during a divorce. What happens if he gets hammered? The 5 year old is a definite no. I don’t see why he can’t just go and attend on his own. Make him make some effort. Just say no.

MrsBertBibby · 19/02/2018 22:26

When is this wedding?

He can't take the kids out of the country without either your consent, or permission from the court.

MrsBertBibby · 19/02/2018 22:26

Sorry, party, not wedding!

littletinyme1 · 20/02/2018 20:06

Don't go. Don't allow him to take kids. Move out ASAP. You can move...somehow. you just need to want to. Go and stay with family or go to the council. Tell him if he refuses to leave and is prepared to see his kids on the street that people will find that out.

Be safe.

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 20/02/2018 20:53

@MrsBertBibby the party is mid-May
Thanks

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 20/02/2018 21:23

Well I can see why you're divorcing him.

I'm not sure why you're asking, of course you don't go.

His being in denial is not your problem.

user1985 · 21/02/2018 03:58

I really do not get these responses.. how is his behavior bizarre? and why is everybody so adamant that they can see why she is divorcing him? He obviously just wants to be with his family at a family event and is angry he is going to be embarrassed in front of his family.

I'm starting to believe that a large proportion of Mums netters are Man haters! I am very surprised that these women maintain relationships?!

OP not that you shouldn't be divorcing him, just that you have your own reasons and have stated no legit reason for divorcing in such a short post.

Stella60 · 21/02/2018 04:23

I would not be going or allowing him to take the children Would you feel comfortable that he would look after them properly? if not get legal advice