Do you have a solicitor, WishfulWanderer?
You need to have a chat with your sol about the plan to take the children out of the country. In many divorce cases, this can only be done with express written permission from the other parent.
If you have any problems from this man, you need to talk to your sol about an occupation order and possibly a non molestation order.
You can contact Women's Aid too, for help and support. The display of rage and the worrying anger mixed with denial would have me worried about my safety and the safety of the children.
www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/getting-an-injunction/
If you don't have a solicitor, please get one. WA could help with a referral.
For future verbal exchanges where he rages at you, rehearse the phrase in a strong, low voice, "Do not shout at me. I will not respond to shouting." Repeat ad nauseum.
No more 'please don't be angry, I just don't feel like going, please can't you see it would be unreasonable to force me.' I know you are doing your best here, but you need to stonewall him and not engage with what he is saying at all when he rages.
Have you been to see your GP about the depression?
If not, please go and get ADs.
DO NOT tell your stbxh that you are going to see the GP or taking ADs if prescribed.
Continuing to live under the same roof while divorcing will seriously affect your mental health. I cannot over-emphasise how stressful this will be.
I really, really urge you to get an occupation order or to try to move out with the children, but you must talk to a solicitor before making this decision.