I need some help with something of a delicate matter......

[CloudCuckooLand]

My husband and I have been married for ages.

Now, basically he can ejaculate and is obviously turned on but isn't always completely hard (has always been this way). I sent him to the doctor for a full check up - and aside from having marginally high blood pressure, he is in tip top condition. Low cholesterol (which I thought may have been the problem), no diabetes etc.

However, my problem is that he has obviously been like this his whole life. He does not realise that he has issues - I have tried to broach it but it's obvious that he thinks he is 'normal' and that his level of 'hardness' is what other men experience but I know it isn't.

Thing is, it's definitely getting worse with age. I'd quite like to tell him it's not quite right just in case something can be done about it before it gets much much worse - I know from his family history of heart problems, he might be ineligible for something like viagra so him admitting to the problem may mean some sort of referral and lots of tests which I know he would hate as he HATES going to the doctor.

Do you think it is worth saying something and does anyone know if anything can be done because the worst case scenario is that I say something and then find out it cannot be treated?

These look better. Why do gay men use these so much, and straight men rarely?

Anyway, you want it to go around the base of the cock and the balls, I think. One strap is enough.

No, they really are to give a better erection, and maintain an existing one. Cite - wiki

Snorting at the thought of poor man who doesn't even know he has a problem getting presented with one of those!

omg nqc!!

ENGLISH COCK CAGE!!!

T JUNCTION!

Arab straps are a bit more bondagey - they have multiple straps. Sometimes used for CBT, sometimes used the same as cockrings. wiki, again

NotQuiteCockney - what I need is something to make erections go away!

A very simple leather strap with poppers isn't very alarming and can be sold as a 'fun new thing'.

I think it's better to have an honest conversation, though, tbh. Well, I guess it depends on his attitude.

But in the long run, erections (like many thigns) become fallible or disappear. If you're honest about your needs, and you're both openminded, then you can still have fun with toys, fingers, whatever, to get what you want. But if you don't talk about it, you won't get it.

fortyplus, well, if you're into bdsm, you can no doubt get toys that make erections very uncomfortable. Just a sec, I'll find you something.

NO NO NO - I promise I'm not!

Here ! It can be worn under clothing! Through metal detectors (use the plastic lock for that). Only $169.00.

I think you might need to do a whole 'mistress, black leather, high heels, big whip' thing to convince someone to wear it. Only worth it if you're really opposed to eretions.

Too late, found it for you anyway.

EEK!

no, he can ejaculate and be completely flaccid - it really is extraordinary. At its best, it is sort of semi hard but it never stays that way for long and it's definitely getting worse with age.

I'm not sure the straps would do anything tbh (for some reason, they are making me think of Blackadder ) but perhaps the cock ring is worth a try.

You're right though - I do need to talk to him about it (before I present him with the entire contents of the Gay Sex Shop).

I wanted to find one with spikes etc, but couldn't resist the clear plastic one.

If you look at the comments on that page, there's a bloke who claims to have been wearing his for two weeks. So there ya go, a solution to erections.

I did once see a Channel 4 programme about a dominatrix. She didn't have sex with her clients, she just told them they were very naughty and made them do things like lick the toilet bowl clean. Then she sandpapered their willies.

Reckon I could earn a good living at that

CloudCuckooLand - sorry - NQC and I are getting a bit frivolous, aren't we?

I definitely think have a chat with GP and get some sound advice before broaching the subject.

CCL, the person I heard of whose problem turned out to be entirely one of habit, could do that, too. I am pretty sure, that even after things changed, for intercourse, he still stayed flaccid to orgasm, while masturbating.

KM, there's a hole for urinating. It's a very practical and considerate penis cage.

oh I don't mind frivolous!

NQC, thanks for the links - lots of stuff to think about!

This thread goes into this problem a bit (it's often called a 'softgasm').

It recommends cialis (which is viagra), and also prostate stimulation, which I didn't think to recommend ...

(Last thread linked to is on a sex board, not MN)

Oh God... prostate stimulation... does anyone really do that?

I'm sure some people do. Wait, I'll find a useful link. Oooh, here's a good one . It assumes you're trying to find your own prostate, given, but it also discusses external prostate stimulation - no poopy fingers! Basically it's on the perineum ...