I need some help with something of a delicate matter......

[CloudCuckooLand]

My husband and I have been married for ages.

Now, basically he can ejaculate and is obviously turned on but isn't always completely hard (has always been this way). I sent him to the doctor for a full check up - and aside from having marginally high blood pressure, he is in tip top condition. Low cholesterol (which I thought may have been the problem), no diabetes etc.

However, my problem is that he has obviously been like this his whole life. He does not realise that he has issues - I have tried to broach it but it's obvious that he thinks he is 'normal' and that his level of 'hardness' is what other men experience but I know it isn't.

Thing is, it's definitely getting worse with age. I'd quite like to tell him it's not quite right just in case something can be done about it before it gets much much worse - I know from his family history of heart problems, he might be ineligible for something like viagra so him admitting to the problem may mean some sort of referral and lots of tests which I know he would hate as he HATES going to the doctor.

Do you think it is worth saying something and does anyone know if anything can be done because the worst case scenario is that I say something and then find out it cannot be treated?

(I feel compelled to point out that the rectum doesn't actually generally contain feces, except when you're about to defecate. It just doesn't smell nice.)

I knew that - but I still won't go poking around up there. We all have our boundaries and that's mine

I'm not the cheerleader for 'sticking things up people's bottoms'. I'm just talking to you about your options!

You could go round chanting...

Stick your finger up my bum
Ra Ra Ra
It's gonna be a lotta fun
See how far!

Have no practical advice to add, but just a thought that if you do discuss it with your DH surely you dont need to mention that this has always been a bit of an issue for you....could you couch it in terms of just a fairly recent issue that you are trying to solve rather than a lifelong one that could affect his ego.

Sorry - I'm going to turn the computer off before I get any sillier. I'm sitting here in my dressing gown when I should be in Sainsbury's as I've got to go to work this afternoon.

thehairybabysmum - That sounds sensitive and sensible.

Am flattered, sensible and sensitive not usually words used to describe me!!

Me neither

CCL you may end up being pleasantly surprised by the outcome of a frank discussion with DH. When I met my DH and eventually ended up having a sexual relationship with him I realised something wasn't quite right. Now, as he was the only person I had ever been with I couldn't have told you what was wrong (wasn't a hardness issue) but just knew that there was something missing. DH did panic, worry etc not because of feeling that he wasn't satisfying me (wasn't the problem either) but because he thought something might be physically wrong with him. I won't bore you with the details of what was physically wrong! He'd also had an operation at 11/12 on one of his testicles and I think he panicked that it had done lasting damage.

Anyway, as it turned out the problem was solved with a half hour operation and he has had no problems since. It also transpires that both of his brothers have the same problem and needed the same operation. He may have been embarrassed, upset, worried etc at the time but the solution was so straightforward that he isn't at all fazed by it now. His GP was fantastic too which made all the difference.

Good luck to you and don't be !

yes, that's a good idea hairybabysmum - I think I might have to be truthful if he goes to the doctor though, because it's definitely been a problem for a while. I think we could try viagra just over the counter like (as they sell it that way) so I might suggest we 'spice things up' by using it without referring (initially) to what is wrong and see if it makes a difference.

Thanks ShowofHands, that's really encouraging. Did he go to the GP quite willingly then?

He couldn't get to the GP fast enough. Once we'd discussed it he was so desperate to know if there was something wrong that he got the first available appointment. And having an understanding GP helped enormously, he immediately said 'this is the problem, this is what we can do, it's more common than you think'.

I hope it's as simple for you and DH.

ginko biloba is very good for micro circulation. Thats the stuff people use for their memory. It works because it tends to open up capillaries to allow more blood through. So, he'll remember where he left the keys AND hopefully have a nice stiffy!!!

Forgot to say that it can take awhile to work, Good Luck

I can strongly recommend:

Pelvic exercises for Men

But absolutely first step should be get to a doctor. I'd go first, and have a chat to your GP, and prep yourself for getting your DH to go.

As for the ring-a-thon below, tbh, just the basic vibe ring from durex or tracey cox (the sex doctor) will generally do the job, unless you're into... "exotic".. things.