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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating scumbag

44 replies

custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 04:09

Thisprobably won't make sense as I'm in utter shock. The asshole has been working away for 3 months while I looked after our baby and my 2 older dc. He has been nasty, irritable and distant and told me it was because he's depressed. So I've been walking on egg shells and pandering to his every need, but had a gut instinct so checked his phone and I was right. I've been really childish and messaged her as I don't think she knows he has a family.

I woke him up and confronted him and he told me I was a c#nt and was screaming how dare you look at my phone you bit&h. How dare HE treat me so badly. I'm shaking and feel such a fool.

I want him to leave our rented house asap - can I make him go? I am on maternity leave and work with him. I can't go back. I have no maternity pay from next month so can't afford the bills. My poor children, how could he do this to us.

OP posts:
Original poster
custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 04:22

Is anyone awake please. I'm in such a state. I've Not slept at all and my children Will be up soon.

OP posts:
tealandteal · 07/02/2018 04:26

I haven't much advice but didn't want to read and run. Is his name on the tenancy? You can claim child maintenance from him which may help.

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 04:28

Please get rid claim benefits just now if u need to to get u by don't just stay for financial reasons is it joint tenancy

twoseven · 07/02/2018 04:31

Its ok
You shouldn't be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you .
Are you safe? Have you family who could support you?
It will be OK .

Grunkle · 07/02/2018 04:41

Sweet tea. Can you draw a bath? You need to bring yourself down to calm so that you can survive the day.

Are you married? Joint tenants?

Can you phone anyone this morning who might be able to come and take care of the children. You need support.

Charolais · 07/02/2018 04:41

I agree with the PP, it will be okay. A man who acts like he does and called you those names is not someone you want to grow old with.

There will be so rough spots a head for you but it will turn out for the better. I’m speaking from experience.

Original poster
custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 04:59

Oh trust me, I don't want him anywhere near me. He was very intimidating earlier, it's like he's turned into a complete stranger the last few months. I've called my mum and left a voice mail.

It's a joint tenancy, but he as a ccj and can't get a tenancy on his own so will refuse to leave, I'm dreading the atmosphere. It's his day off as well so he'll be here all day.

Not married, thank goodness.

OP posts:
Original poster
custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 05:03

Thank you for all your replies

OP posts:
Nellia · 07/02/2018 05:17

Not your problem if he cant get a tennancy he has another woman thats more important to him let him go to her to sort out his problems.

StinkyVonWinky · 07/02/2018 05:20

This sounds awful OP. I am so sorry to hear what's happening to you. I really think you need to get someone to come over to help you deal with the situation today, as you sound as though you'll be really tired. Can you ring your mum again? Will she be able to come over and help you with the children? I'd also ask you husband to go out for the day if it's his day off, and tell him you'll discuss the situation when you've had some rest.

Original poster
custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 05:33

I want him to go and never come back, but he won't go. The other woman lives in Kent with her parents by what I can gather from the texts I read. He's being very hostile.

I can hear him on the phone upstairs, probably telling her I'm a mad women and it's not true. God I've realised now how competent he is at lying.

How do I go about claiming benefits. Can I go somewhere if he won't, I don't feel it's safe for us with him here, he's being very volatile.

I'm such an idiot. I wrote him a poem earlier to show how much he's loved.

OP posts:
SharonMott · 07/02/2018 06:02

Ring the police if you fear you are in danger OP.

Nellia · 07/02/2018 06:06

If hes volitile and you feel unsafe call the police and or womens aid who will be able to advice re getting him out the house and benefits.
Although on maternity leave you should be able to get housing benefit, tax credits and statutory maternity pay. You can also claim child maintainance from him for the children. Take note if his national insurance number if you can for that purpose.
As suggesyed by others is there anyone you can call to come over help with kids and act as a barrier betwern you both till you get your head together?

RainyUmbrella · 07/02/2018 06:15

If he won't leave and you want him to I suggest calling 101 and getting some back up.

In a few hours you can call citizens advice and the job centre who can advise you how to get the ball rolling with benefits. Then you can let the estate agents know what's changing

I'm really aware you haven't slept. Is there a room with a lock? Have you got anyone to come over and maybe take the children

Original poster
custardcream1000 · 07/02/2018 07:21

My mum's on her way. Thank you for all the advice

OP posts:
Flomy · 07/02/2018 07:23

Could your mum help you with a deposit for somewhere?

I know you shouldnt have to leave, but fuck it. Leave him there and have a fresh start Flowers

Sunshinegirl82 · 07/02/2018 07:39

I think I'd just get out for now, once you've got some breathing space you can worry about sorting everything else out. Can you stay with your mum for a few weeks?

From the sounds of it he's done you a favour, he sounds awful.

I'd put a call into the CMS immediately, I think they can only enforce payment once the claim has been made so it's worth getting that in ASAP.

GirlDownUnder · 07/02/2018 08:07

How understanding is your landlord if you leave? You don’t want to bail with the kids and then find out he’s not paying rent and you’re liable, hence logging a call with 101 if you need to get him out.

Breath.

Focus.

He’s the looser.

NaiceBiscuits · 07/02/2018 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBertBibby · 07/02/2018 08:46

How long to go on your current tenancy?

HisBetterHalf · 07/02/2018 08:54

He has an affair, calls you a c&nt and a bitch and you write him a poem?

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 08:54

Hi op, how are you?

He's a cheating twat and how dare he talk to you like that just because you've exposed him for what he is.

So glad you've got your mum there. I don't know where you stand on making him leave as he is on the tenancy, maybe speak to the CAB?

So sorry you're going through this x

Flappyears · 07/02/2018 08:57

I agree with girldownunder. Not only could he not pay the rent, he could trash the place, leaving you liable. I really don’t think you can just leave, without ensuring he leaves too and with the agreement of the landlord to release you from your contract.

Good luck OP

sadiesnakes · 07/02/2018 09:01

@HisBetterHalf
Obviously she wrote the poem before she found all this out?Hmm

Thinkingofausername1 · 07/02/2018 09:04

I hope you are ok this morning op? He changed, because you found him out.
Well done on contacting the ow. I hope you can get some rl support from you Mum today Thanks