He wants contact with lo after split?

[girlplus]

I've left my abusive boyfriend after 3 and a half years
When I say abusive I mean moody, short tempered, bad mood and it's worn me down
I'm still in the process of moving out his house
We've hardly spoken and only via text as I've asked him to leave me alone and give me space whilst I try and find somewhere ASAP which at the moment he is doing
He has asked if he can still see my lo when I've gone ?!
Am I right for thinking no?
Yes of course he has been a part of her life
He loved her like his own but the reason it's ended is because he couldn't control his temper and I've given him chance after chance
I think it's best we cut contact but I've said let's see how it goes once I've moved
I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked
I still love him but I'm very confused at the moment
What's everyone's views ?

How old is your child? Is he their biological father?

She isnt his daughter and he has a temper. You owe him NOTHING.

No is all you need to say.

I wouldn't let my child see someone who I'd left for being abusive, especially if he isn't even her biological father and therefore has no parental rights.

Big fat nope

I wouldn't let him see her. There's a chance that if he has children of his own in the future , he'll drop her. He's not her biological father and he has no rights.

She isnt his daughter and he has a temper. You owe him NOTHING.

This.

She isnt his daughter and he has a temper. You owe him NOTHING

It's a no brainer, surely? 🤔

This is a way of keeping in contact with, and therefore trying to keep control of, you. Clean break needed. Does she see her actual father?

Are you seriously asking if you should let your abusive ex unrelated to your child spend some time with your child? Seriously?

When me and exh split he moved out. Didn't even say goodbye to my dc. Cold turkey was difficult but better in the long run.

Hell no.

Nope! Block every line of communication he has and focus on enjoying your new, safer, saner life.

Yes I am asking ! He has been a step dad to her and if he was her real dad he would have rights
Yes I get what you are saying it's why I'm asking
I've said moving forwards than no
Yes she sees her real dad every other weekend
I just wanted some clarity
Just as it hasn't worked out with us but he has been in her life
He actually was amazing with her

But I agree, no
It's just hard as we still live together as we only split Friday
Sooner I find somewhere the better so I can move on
I have a viewing on Wednesday x

You will baltert get back together with him.

I think we are all wasting our time here.

blatently

Ignore the astonished incredulity of some posts.

You sound as though you have worked your way into some clear air. And a weekend really isn't enough time to process and find ways to ignore his stupidity... just keep checking yourself, whenever you feel he is making demands.

Good luck finding somewhere new to live. Cut all ties, delete him from your life

Fuck me but that is mean, Notatallconcerned

CuriousaboutSamphire

Read the posts
“Heartbroken”
“Amazing”
“I still love him”

The point is is that you have currently concluded this man isn’t good enough for you on account of his temper. And yet you are considering him being good enough for your daughter.

It just doesn’t make sense to me.

So he loves your daughter like she`s his own child but meanwhile treats her mother like shit....sounds like a keeper....NOT.

he has been a stepdad to her except no. He hasn't. You're not married so technically no. He's not her step dad.

And that's a really really good thing. One of the major pros for not being married means that you do just get to up and leave with no mess. No lawyers and no contact.

It's all on you're terms. You are very lucky to be in that situation as many women find they can't just cut contact cold turkey as they legally can't.

Good luck with the viewing, op. You will both be fine, stay strong

No way. You have the chance of a clean break away from him, he’s a moody short tempered bastard and assuming when you say little one you mean actually little so therefore she’ll stop giving him much thought soon enough if she don’t see him and therefore won’t miss him anyway.

Chances are he isn’t bothered about seeing her but it’s about seeing you, controlling you through her and generally keeping tabs on you. Fuck that. Have a wonderful future with your daughter away from him x

How long has he been involved in her life? If it was from newborn or very tiny it’s different to if she were older and aware of life without him before. How does your daughter feel about him?

Easy just to say no and that may well be the appropriate response - you know if he is any danger to her - but if he’s been the dominant male in her life aside from seeing her Dad at weekends for as long as she can remember then maybe a more gradual reduction in contact is appropriate.

Ultimately though if you want to cut him out of your life completely and not stay in contact yourself in any form then the answer has to be no.

We were together for 3.5 yrs xx