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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wishing me dead?

47 replies

user33 · 13/01/2018 19:33

AIBU for being upset..when my on off partner (on for 5 years then on and off for 2) during a very heated argument says

  • he wishes I was dead (said it about 4 times looking at me straight)
  • he wishes death on me
  • (hurt my leg) he hope I loose my leg
  • he hopes guys fuck me and leave me

I know a lot of people say stuff in anger but is this normal?

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/01/2018 19:35

Run for the hills he has some issues you can't fix. Ring women's aid

KinkyAfro · 13/01/2018 19:35

You're seriously asking if this is normal?

PurpleDaisies · 13/01/2018 19:36
Confused

You know this isn’t normal.

Original poster
user33 · 13/01/2018 19:41

Maybe asking if it's normal wasn't the best choice of wording..of course I know it's not normal to say stuff like that but I didn't know if I'm being unreasonable for thinking too much into it when everyone does loose it and say stuff they regret

He said he didn't mean it and I made him say it with the argument

OP posts:
Cloudyapples · 13/01/2018 19:44

Did you hold a gun to his head and threaten him if he didn’t say those words? No? Then you didn't ‘make him’ do or say anything.

Original poster
user33 · 13/01/2018 19:44

I've never contacted woman aid or anything like.. where would I even start

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 13/01/2018 19:45

You made him say it? So even him being horrible to you is your fault?

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/01/2018 19:54

You MADE him say it? Did i miss the part where you held a gun to his head and forced him to say he wishes you were dead? You didn't make him say anything, he made a conscience choice to say things to hurt you and then refuses to take responsibility for that! He might not have meant he wanted you dead, but he certainly wanted to hurt you as much as possible.
Everyone argues, but not everyone looses it. Arguments don't make your brain suddenly disappear. People say things for a reason. And his reason is to make you feel shite about yourself and to hurt you.
Time to make this on off relationship a definite off. Time to give yourself a chance to find a man you sees an argument as an exchange of opposing viewpoints, not as a change to hurt and belittle the person he is supposed to care for.

ClaryFray · 13/01/2018 19:56

Not normal anger things people say, he's showing you his true colours. I'd leave that switch in the off position.

BattleCuntGalactica · 13/01/2018 20:02

You know full well that's not normal. Are you living together? If you are, are you able to get out at all? What he's saying is really really vile. What about family?

Original poster
user33 · 13/01/2018 20:21

Were not living together..used to but 2 years ago he decided to call quits on our relationship and both of us moved back into our family homes..but then keeps coming back and going..it's happened 6 times and I know I'm ruining my life over this. It's just difficult to get out when he's all I've known as in true love and did everything with..I am taking all this on board and will have to be strong and keep the switch off..I'm just scared I'll regret it all later

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 13/01/2018 20:22

Have you ditched him for good yet?

Diamondangel8 · 13/01/2018 20:47

Get rid! Not normal!!!!

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2018 23:58

There is no love in this relationship, let alone 'true love' (whatever that is)

He is foul and abusive and you need to get rid of him once and for all.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 00:06

Just end it. He's not a nice guy.

ferando81 · 14/01/2018 01:26

He wishes you dead .What happens if decides to make his wish come true?WAKE UP -only lunatics say things like this

BattleCuntGalactica · 14/01/2018 07:31

It's good you don't live together, because this would be ten times worse if you did. Please give him his marching orders, he sounds so horrible. ♥️🌹

DownTownAbbey · 14/01/2018 07:44

Of course you'll regret it later! Staying with him, that is.

Google sunk costs fallacy.

I've got a hot temper but I've never, ever felt I'd like someone I love to be dead when the red mist was down. That's seriously worrying. What's happening is he's too angry to hide his ugliest side when he's worked up. You don't live together so you're in the perfect position to lose this psycho fast.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:56

End this “relationship” now. It sounds horrendous. You need and deserve better.

flumpybear · 14/01/2018 08:08

Just tell him he's not welcome and you're moving on
Those words he's used are beyond anything any man has ever said to me in an argument - he's not right in the head!!

PoorYorick · 14/01/2018 08:18

End it.

Original poster
user33 · 14/01/2018 12:57

I've been staying with him this weekend and heading back home tonight so tonight I'm going to put a stone on my heart and do what's needed..everyone's right regardless of anger and irritation wishing someone dead is a horrible thing..especially as I was hospitalised in December for over a week and have poor health at the moment..i fall weak when he comes back with the apologises and promises for changes and then the I will never love anyone else and be happy etc but I can't this time

OP posts:
BettyBaggins · 14/01/2018 13:11

This isnt love. It most certainly isnt true love! You deserve better, block his arse and walk in the sunshine!

Thingsdogetbetter · 14/01/2018 13:20

You are not responsible for his future love life or lack of it. You are not responsible for his future happiness. You are only responsible for your own! Choose your own over his and dump this millstone your neck!

BackInTheRoom · 14/01/2018 13:23

Yes people do say hurtful things to each of in the heat of the moment but it's the depth of these comments that are bad OP. You don't get any worse than somebody wanting you dead do you? Dead means the end, final. No more. Those types of words are from someone full of rage. When he says then he unleashes his rage. The ultimate!

I wouldn't want to stay with anyone who felt like this towards me. I wouldn't try and analyse it either. It's an unhealthy relationship.

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