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Original poster

When did you know you wanted kids?

38 replies

Emilyxeliza · 17/12/2017 11:22

...just that really? Me and my partner have been together 4 years.. share commitments and finances, live together. He won’t talk about having kids though, he just says he is unsure about having them.

Is this normal? We are late 20’s and I already have fertility problems too.

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 17/12/2017 11:43

My (now) DH and I both established we both wanted them after we'd been together a few months (me 27, him 24). We didn't decided we were ready to have them until we had bought our flat at 31 and 28.

I wanted to be married first so we did that in 2011 and had first DS at 34 and 31 in early 2013. DS2 is on his way as I'm 30 weeks pregnant now.

Prusik · 17/12/2017 11:45

I was the crazy woman who asked DH his stance on kids on our first date. I'd been to the doctor that day and was told to get a move on as I'd likely have problems or very soon be out of time.

Three years later he's now DH and I'm expecting Ds number two in Feb.

Isitwinteryet · 17/12/2017 11:47

I've been with my partner for 5 years, mid 20s we waited until we had bought our own house. Had a baby 2 months ago. Would like number 2 before were 30. :)

Kr1st1na · 17/12/2017 11:49

I knew when I was about 30, so quite late I think compared to many women .

If you want kids and he doesn’t , then you have a problem. How long are you going to give him to make up his mind ?

CookieJingleFuck · 17/12/2017 11:55

I’ve always wanted to be a mum since I can remmeber, it was always been the only thing I’ve definitley wanted in my life. I knew I wanted children with my DH when we looked after his god daughter and I saw how amazing he was with children. We’re now 31 and 27 and have 4 dc.

eggandchips5 · 17/12/2017 11:58

I've always wanted to have children.

You need to establish whether your partner wants children in the future. If he doesn't and he's not telling you this, you may be waiting around for years with false hope.

LumpySpaceCow · 17/12/2017 12:01

On our first date he asked me and I told him I wanted 5
We have just had our 4th!

PlayingGrownUp · 17/12/2017 12:06

I’ve always known I never want children.

I told my partner about a year in, told him it would never happen when we were buying a house together and reconfirmed that I am never having children and if that’s something he ever wants then we need to go separate ways amicably when we talked about getting married.

Fortunately it’s something we both agreed on because as someone who’s childfree I’ve seen a lot of couples stay together where the one who does want kids is convinced the other will change their mind when circumstances change. I also know several women who intentionally got ‘accidentally’ pregnant against their partners wishes. That always ends messily.

If it’s something you know you want you need to have an in depth conversation about it. You can’t compromise on children that just messes up everybody.

Original poster

Emilyxeliza · 17/12/2017 12:07

Thanks for all your responses!
Will have to have another chat with him I think!

OP posts:

stuckfornames · 17/12/2017 12:19

Always knew I wanted children. Myself and now DH got together when I was 15, him 17. We spoke about children very early on, names we liked etc. We moved out and got engaged when I was 17.

Fell pregnant not planned, but not prevented - on my 18th birthday (according to midwife working out my dates!)
Fell pregnant again when DS was 8 months old. There's exactly 17m between our children.
We got married shortly after DD turned 2.

This year, I decided I wanted another child. Spoke to DH and he surprised me by saying yes! I'm now pregnant with our third and most likely final.
It took 4 months to fall this time - we decided to stop trying for a while and then I found out I was pregnant haha! (I'm going to be a few weeks off 25 when baby arrives).

Mari50 · 17/12/2017 18:13

I didn’t want children until I was 34. In fact up until that point I couldn’t understand why anyone would have kids, then tick tick boom my biological clock turned on.

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/12/2017 18:18

I knew at some point, but never desperately, as it happens I had DD at 23 and she was planned.

Liz38 · 17/12/2017 18:35

I knew I didn't want them and talked DH round to my way of thinking. Changed my mind at 35, sat on it for a bit until I was sure it wasn't a whim and then talked him round to my way of thinking i was very lucky to conceive immediately we started trying and was 38 when DD was born. He said no to a 2nd though and meant it.

Nicecuppatea21 · 17/12/2017 18:43

Because I think babies are gorgeous. I didnt know they were such hard work but I don't regret it. It's such a pleasure having tiny newborns and loving them so much. I love the way they love you so much and are so much fun.

They are hard work and not cheap but it adds another dimension to youR life.

Teenagers are tough tough tough but there are moments where it's great. It's also good socially and you meet lots of people.

TheVicarOfNibbleswicke · 17/12/2017 20:03

When things were getting serious with my OH I asked the question whether he wanted kids way down the line as I wasn't sure I wanted them or not but didn't want to be with someone who was a definite no. He
said he'd be happy either way at that time. We then got married 5 years later and had DD 2 years after that and DS 3 years after. Everything just sort of clicked into place.

mindutopia · 17/12/2017 20:09

For us, I think we always knew that we wanted kids. It was never a question of if, just when. My dh is considerably younger than me (6 years). So when we met, I was 27 but he was 21. We got married 3 years later and we had our dd about a year and a half after we got married, so when we'd been together for about 4.5 years.

I think realistically he probably would have waited longer if I'd be younger or in less of a hurry. Not that he didn't want us to have her when we did, he was happy to go along with whatever I felt was right as it was my body and my career that would be put on hold, but it just probably wouldn't have been something he'd even thought about otherwise. But I was 31 when we got pregnant, 32 when dd was born. We knew we wanted 2 and I didn't really want to be having babies much past 36 (though for the record, I'm 37 and due with #2 in a few weeks, that's ultimately just how the timing worked as we wanted a big age gap). I was in a place professionally when it was convenient for me to take a break from work to be home with her, so really that was the motivation.

The timing was just good for me professionally and for us financially, and his attitude was really that the exact timing was my choice as I was the one who would be pregnant and I was the one who'd be taking at least a year off to be at home. We'd also really lived it up the few years before. We'd lived and worked overseas, done lots of traveling, partied really hard, had a really exciting fun life, both before we met and then together, and were just sort of ready to close that chapter and move on to a different pace of life with no regrets. I think that had a lot to do with it too.

Babyblues052 · 17/12/2017 20:15

Ive always known I wanted children. My dp said he wanted children but wanted to wait until we were closer to 30. We were early 20s having this convo. I got pregnant around a year later, total accident, failed contraception. I lost my baby sadly but since then my dp wasn't that bothered about the closer to 30 thing he realised he wanted a child. We have a beautiful ds and he is an amazing dad.

jimijack · 17/12/2017 20:17

Well actually, for us the notion of having children was never discussed for the first 7 years of our relationship.
We were too busy working and saving for a house, going on fabulous holidays, having a great social life, doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Life was good.

Then we hit 30, and the thought of a child no longer absolutely appalled and disgusted me, the house was bought, done up, we were well established in our careers, financially settled so we got wed then decided to give it a go.....

Then we couldn't have a child, and we really wanted one.
Eventually over the next 10 years and loads of absolute shit and bollocks sent directly from the bowels of hell, we got 2 children.

Original poster

Emilyxeliza · 17/12/2017 20:48

Great to see lots of different experiences - thank you, really appreciate you all sharing your thoughts.

I don’t know whether he’s in denial about my fertility problems (eg, future need for IVF) and thinking it will all happen naturally at a later time, or he genuinely doesn’t know what he wants.

I’m going to my gynae next week to stop all fertility drugs as I don’t see the point in continuing if he’s not on board. - another conversation with partner is scheduled too!

OP posts:

HazelBite · 17/12/2017 20:56

DH and I never really discussed having children. I have a thing about NOT planning anything in my life as nothing in my life has ever gone to "plan", so when the doctor told me it was unlikely that I would ever get pregnant (I was 28 at the time) I could see no point in using contraceptives, within a month of stopping the pill I was unexpectedly pregnant, neither of us knew how we felt!
i had a job promised to me in Brussels and suddenly I didn't want to go!
It turned our lives upside down and I went from being very career orientated to being a SAHM.
From someone who was told she would never conceive, I have 4 sons , that both DH and love without reservation. Neither of us was keen but the DC's have made sense of our lives.

donners312 · 17/12/2017 21:05

I never wanted children and in face split up with a long term boyfriend over it because he did.

Got pregnant by mistake (at 32) and was very depressed. Until i gave birth and then it was love at first sight.

Went on to have another child and love him madly too.

I would say i am an overly devoted mother but no one who knew me pre children could have anticipated that.

happymummy12345 · 17/12/2017 21:10

My dh and I talked about marriage and children when we first got together. We met in April 2014, got together in May 2014, and decided to ttc in July 2014. It took 4 months (we were lucky). We married in April 2015, and had our baby in September 2015.
I've always known I wanted children. It was simply a matter of waiting until I'd met the right person.

Neonrainbow · 17/12/2017 21:12

I discussed it with now dh on our second date. I was 24 at the time but didn't have dc Until 30. I wasnt convinced i was ready but knew i wanted them some day and i wanted 2 ideally so thought id better get on with it. Ended up with twins! Glad i didn't wait any longer and if after so many years my partner was saying he wasnt sure id walk and find someone who did want them. No way would i have sacrificed having children for a man. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Luckily dh was fully on board with it and he would happily have as many as possible.

Original poster

Emilyxeliza · 17/12/2017 21:24

Hazelbite - fab how things have turned out for you though, despite it all being a bit unexpected!

I’ve been off contraception two years - same reasons as you.. told I can’t have kids without medical intervention! Partner knows I am, is fine about it. However his uncertainty makes me feel a bit uneasy - although it’s highly unlikely I will happen to fall pregnant naturally (been on Clomid and Femara with no success too).. I still think it’s pointless going ahead with any more drugs and IVF if he feels unsure. I’ve got an appointment to see my specialist next week about stopping all the fertility drugs and putting me on some therapy to help the Endometriosis calm down until such time as me and partner can be on the same page!

OP posts:

Original poster

Emilyxeliza · 17/12/2017 21:32

Also, I’m not prepared to wait around forever not knowing..

OP posts:

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