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Original poster

Do I tell new guy I saw him on dating website?

51 replies

leftmyheartintokyo · 14/12/2017 16:13

I've been dating a guy for three months - I initially thought things were going well, however I have recently sensed him pulling back.

Today I logged onto tinder out of curiosity and have seen that not only has he logged in but also has been updating his profile.

Obviously it's going nowhere now.

I want to message him to tell him he's made a spelling mistake... should I?

OP posts:
Flicketyflack · 14/12/2017 16:14

Why not?

MsGameandWatching · 14/12/2017 16:15

I'd ghost him.

TatianaLarina · 14/12/2017 16:15

For sure. Bad spelling is one of my gripes.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/12/2017 16:16

Yep - do it - then block him.
Mind you, after 3 months I'd not consider it a committed relationship.
I've been seeing someone 6 months and I still go on Tinder and have a browse.
It's very addictive.
And I updated my age as I got a year older.
Doesn't mean I'm about to go out with another man but I like to keep my options open!

Original poster
leftmyheartintokyo · 14/12/2017 16:16

Obviously it will have the dual effect of basically ending things. But then, if someone is still on tinder after 3 months, obviously they're not really invested.

OP posts:
Battleax · 14/12/2017 16:17

want to message him to tell him he's made a spelling mistake... should I?

Then never speak to him again? I like it.

MsGameandWatching · 14/12/2017 16:18

I wouldn't tell him. Just dump. Leave him wondering.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 14/12/2017 16:20

Correct his spelling then get him gone! I wouldn't be impressed either OP, I don't really buy into this whole 'exclusivity chat' malarkey, more often than not it's just used as an excuse for shit behaviour.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/12/2017 16:22

"Thought things were going well" isn't quite the same as "we have talked and agreed that they are going well and we are not seeing other people." If you haven't done the latter then it's one of those situations where things are a bit blurry - personally I assume that until we've agreed we're exclusive, we aren't; but I know some people assume the opposite. Have you had that conversation?

Or, just bin him off if you're unhappy, and it's just a lesson learned for next time to communicate clearly about expectations and boundaries.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/12/2017 16:25

And no - don't message about the spelling mistake. Because you aren't actually messaging about the spelling mistake: you're messaging to let him know you've seen his profile is still active and you don't like it. So either just say that, or say nothing at all.

Zoesweet · 14/12/2017 16:27

Dump and leave him wondering made me laugh. Yeah, tell him you saw him on a dating site. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't know about the spelling though :)

Bunkai · 14/12/2017 16:27

But you were on Tinder too?

TheNaze73 · 14/12/2017 16:29

Bunkai Beat me to it....

So you’re on Tinder yourself? Confused

Smeaton · 14/12/2017 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AFistfulOfDolores · 14/12/2017 16:36

If you haven't had the exclusivity talk, then he can be on Tinder. If you have, then it's worth asking yourself why you were on there too ...

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 14/12/2017 16:36

I missed the fact the OP was on tinder herself 🤦🏼‍♀️

eastlondoner · 14/12/2017 16:38

I'd just dump him and leave him wondering why Smile

Original poster
leftmyheartintokyo · 14/12/2017 16:42

I went on to see if he had been on because a friend told me she had seen him...

OP posts:
AFistfulOfDolores · 14/12/2017 16:44

Ah. Then my first point only applies. If you have talked exclusivity, then he's out of order. If you haven't, or you've only assumed it, then I think he's perfectly within his rights to be there, even if it does mean that he's losing interest.

Original poster
leftmyheartintokyo · 14/12/2017 16:45

We haven't talked exclusivity but obviously he is losing interest...

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 14/12/2017 16:46

Will he be able to see that you've seen his profile?

AFistfulOfDolores · 14/12/2017 16:47

The problem then is assumptions - and poor communication. And it may simply be that you're not suited to each other. Other posters may say he's an arse by being on Tinder, but, really, it doesn't sound like you were in a place together where you could talk deeply enough to assess your relationship and lay down some boundaries.

Really sorry though. That has to suck. Flowers

Mumof56 · 14/12/2017 16:49

But then, if someone is still on tinder after 3 months, obviously they're not really invested

Like you

however I have recently sensed him pulling back.Today I logged onto tinder out of curiosity

Hmm

I went on to see if he had been on because a friend told me she had seen him

And you had to double check.

DarkNightDelight · 14/12/2017 16:49

Trust ya gut, after 3 months I'd be wanting to make it official, the fact that he's updated it says all you need to know.

pudding21 · 14/12/2017 16:49

I speak from recent experience, if you think he is pulling away have a chat with him. Maybe he thinks you aren't that committed. Don't even mention tinder. Just ask him where he sees it going. And go from there.

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