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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone up? Found out dp cheated today and I can't sleep

37 replies

Littlebean13 · 13/12/2017 23:41

I'm just devastated.
Saw the messages on his phone to ow this afternoon. Rung her up and she admitted it all. It's only been going on for a couple of weeks. She had no idea he had a girlfriend which I know is true as he said the same.
I'm just so fucking angry. We moved in together less than a month ago. Opened a joint account and became financially tied to each other.
Why the fuck has he done it? Not just to me but to my beautiful ds who adores him why would he do that to him? Why ruin our lives for some cheap thrill and abit of attention?
I honestly thought our relationship was the strongest it has been the past few weeks. I thought we were happy and he kept dropping hints he was going to propose at xmas.
How do I get over this? My hearts breaking Sad

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 13/12/2017 23:46

Oh that is awful, but please sort out your own bank account again asap. Flowers

Orlandointhewilderness · 13/12/2017 23:49

oh lovely, didn't want to read and run. So so sorry to hear this. I know it doesn't feel like it, trust me I know, but you will get through this. You are stronger than you feel right now.

notapizzaeater · 13/12/2017 23:50

Have you spoken to him yet .? What do you want to do?

Apileofballyhoo · 14/12/2017 00:00

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Did he move into yours or did you move into his, or did you get a new place together?

I'd be telling him to move out. Is your DS his? Because if you don't have DC together I'd be thanking my lucky stars. What age is your DS?

Original poster
Littlebean13 · 14/12/2017 00:08

We moved in to a new house together. Luckily it is only rented and he is the main tenant, i'm just a named tenant.
Ds is 4 and no he isn't his. He adores him and my heart breaks for my poor boy
I just don't know where I go from here.

OP posts:
rainbowduck · 14/12/2017 00:09

I am so sorry!!! If he is doing this in the honeymoon period, I wouldn't trust him when you settle down into the dull and domestic period.

Apileofballyhoo · 14/12/2017 00:13

Have you been together long? Just - your DS will be ok. As long as his Mum is ok, he'll be ok.

It's very hard to understand why anyone would do this.

Original poster
Littlebean13 · 14/12/2017 00:19

We've been together around 18months. I know deep down ds will be ok but i'm just so angry he could do this to us.
Ds has settled so quickly in this house he loves his new room. I can't afford to keep this house on my own, my wage doesn't even cover the rent.
I think the worst past is I can't understand why he has done it

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/12/2017 00:26

Why did he do it? God knows. Stupid, selfish fuckwit.

Please tell me you aren’t thinking of staying with him?.

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2017 00:28

Really worry, what an arse he is. Thanks Sorry for your boy too, very unkind of him to do this.

Original poster
Littlebean13 · 14/12/2017 00:30

Oh no i've made him pack his bags and leave. I've got his keys and kept one in the door so he can't come back in tonight if he trys and i'm ignoring his calls/texts
The trust is totally gone now and as hard as it is I won't let myself be disrespected like that

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 14/12/2017 00:31

This is awful. He may not know why he’s done it so you may not be able to get that answer for a while.

Where were you before you moved in with him?

underthebluemoon · 14/12/2017 00:33

Poor you. Remember it is a reflection on him, not you or your relationship. He's probably done it before. Glad you kicked him out. Stay strong.

walnutwhip88 · 14/12/2017 00:36

This reply has been deleted

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hollowtree · 14/12/2017 00:38

So sorry OP. I wonder why people have to do this too, it's so unfair and unkind, I hope you're ok and well done for putting yourself and your son first. He doesn't deserve either of you!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/12/2017 00:44

I’m pleased you’re being so strong about this. It’s really hard, but it’s definitely the way forward.

Of course DS will miss him & be upset, initially, but he will get over it & it’s the best thing for him long term too.

You need to remember that this isn’t about you, it’s about him. It kicked my self esteeem hard & I did all the usual questioning of myself, but when a famous, mega wealthy, shit together, extremely attractive woman made it public her partner had cheated on her, it clicked with me. Being prettier, sexier, funnier, more successful doesn’t make any difference, it’s not about what’s lacking in the person cheated ON, it’s what’s lacking in the one who cheats.

It’s really, really shit, but better you found out now that he’s a twat than further down the line when DS is older, you’re more financially tangled up & possibly had a child with him. At least you can make a clean break now.

Big hugs & 🍷

Weezol · 14/12/2017 00:52

What you do now is be kind to yourself and know that today, you did everything right for you and DS. Star

You may well not sleep because your system is chock-full of adrenaline. And that's okay, it will settle. Have plenty of water and try to have a small snack if you can face it to help settle you body.

Excellent work with the bags, keys etc. I did the same thing some years ago when I discovered my (now former) husband was unfaithful. Looking back I'm amazed I was so quick thinking and it's now a quiet source of pride to me that I was that strong at such a time.

Miamiapods · 14/12/2017 00:56

Aww I had the same thing happen to me tonight! Ahh I'm turning lesbian

Original poster
Littlebean13 · 14/12/2017 01:09

There all just arseholes aren't they! Seriously is there any good men about? I really hand on heart thought he was as close to perfect as you can get. Respectful or so i thought, kind, caring, loving, amazing with ds.
Really used to count my lucky stars I had dropped on someone so amazing
You're all right, I know ds and I will be ok eventually and a part of me is grateful I found out now before we became anymore seriously involved.

OP posts:
Isitwinteryet · 14/12/2017 01:20

Sorry to hear that littlebean, there are good ones out there, believe me. :) hoping you find one soon! Flowers

Apileofballyhoo · 14/12/2017 07:10

Glad you've been so strong. Your DS will be ok. Flowers

Original poster
Littlebean13 · 14/12/2017 08:43

Thank you all for your kind words and support last night. I think it always seems so much worse in the night when your alone.
Feel worse this morning but i'm going to get on with my day as usual and keep busy.
Again thank you all so much Flowers

OP posts:
Biddylee · 14/12/2017 09:03

Really sorry to hear what happened to you. Can you get housing benefit (universal credit) for the new house so that you don't have to move?

hellsbellsmelons · 14/12/2017 09:23

I'm sorry this has happened.
I've no idea why they do it.
The thrill, excitement, because they can, because they are weak and pathetic.
No-one knows.
You'll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out so don't do that.
I've been there more than once - got the t-shirt and the mug.
You'll get through this. You sound strong already.
But the shock will hit soon enough the adrenalin will go.
So keep hydrated and keep your sugar levels up.
Look after yourself.
Keep busy. Visit friends and family.

Apileofballyhoo · 14/12/2017 09:47

Yes, surround yourself with people who care about you. I know it is terrible for your DS now, but it would be worse later. It's good you found out when you did.

How long is the rent paid for? Are you OK for a while anyway?