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Original poster

His tongue was like a limp lettuce

29 replies

Brandbrandbrandy · 10/12/2017 03:18

I’m really confused.

Went on a date last night. Great guy, intelligent, funny, kind, sexy - or so I thought.

He kissed me. And literally just pushed his tongue in my mouth and let it lie there. Limp, like a dead slug Confused

I didn’t know what to do with it! Tried to pick up some action, so to speak, but it was difficult when all I had to work with was a slug without a pulse. But he seemed to enjoy it Confused

Has anyone else had this? Can it get better? How do you teach someone in their forties to kiss????

OP posts:
runningintothelight · 10/12/2017 03:32

I had one guy who had all the great qualities and then we kissed...

Shoved it right in there like a shovel digging for gold. I was flabbergasted.

TheStoic · 10/12/2017 05:06

I’ve had to teach all my partners how to kiss the way I like it. Fortunately they were all fast learners. Grin

laudanum · 10/12/2017 05:12

I'm SO sorry, but I laughed.

God, men are hopeless at the best of times. You have to teach them how to do everything like a blank slate.

Winosaurus · 10/12/2017 05:37

In my experience a bad kisser is also bad in bed 😂 I’d run away now

Labradoodliedoodoo · 10/12/2017 05:45

Do you think he got his tongue and penis confused?

Anyway with slugs it’s usually slug pellets or salt to keep them at bay

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/12/2017 07:43

I would think he's either VERY inexperienced or he's only ever been with very passive girls before. Beware that he hasn't derived all his knowledge of sex from porn films!

c3pu · 10/12/2017 08:04

I once went out with a girl who just liked to wriggle when having sex.

As in: insert penis, no thrusting, just lay on top of her. She'd then wriggle her way to an earth shattering orgasm with no further input from myself.

That was pretty strange, and frankly at odds with everything very little I'd learnt about women and sex prior to that point.

ShuttyTown · 10/12/2017 08:33

I once snogged a bloke who as we were kissing would use his tongue to lick/poke the roof of my mouth. Very weird!

SleepFreeZone · 10/12/2017 08:35

Pmsl. Don't give up. My DP was terrible at everything sex related when I met him. He is now very good 😜

HollyBollyBooBoo · 10/12/2017 08:49

Eeewww! WTF! You're going to need to some training!

Goodclearout · 10/12/2017 08:52

I once went out with someone with a tongue phobia and it was literally rubbing closed mouths so what you describe is preferable and at least something to work with.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 10/12/2017 08:59

Lol (sorry)
It won't get any better OP, esp if he's in his 40s

Chesntoots · 10/12/2017 11:12

I once went on a date with a nice, funny and attractive man.

The first (and only) time we kissed, he clamped his mouth onto mine and just opened and closed it. Like a fish... still makes me shudder - and not in a good way!

ladystarkers · 10/12/2017 11:16

🤪 Bloody hell.

INeedNewShoes · 10/12/2017 11:17

I had a truly horrendous first kiss with a boyfriend. Every kiss after that was fine. Maybe nerves at play?

SleepFreeZone · 10/12/2017 12:24

Just because people are older doesn't mean they can't change. It's of people come out of long term relationships with partners that weren't particularly interested in sex and then have to pretty much start again.

SleepFreeZone · 10/12/2017 12:24

*lots

AdalindSchade · 10/12/2017 12:26

Bloody hell!
Not sure you can come back from that tbh

divorcenightmare · 10/12/2017 12:39

This is why I am pretty sure that I will never be in a relationship again when my divorce is over.

PawsyMcPawFace · 10/12/2017 13:48

Brilliant thread, has made me giggle.

romany4 · 10/12/2017 13:58

Bleurgh!
I was once kissed by a man who literally licked my mouth out like he was licking out a creme egg. And with lots of drool. It was disgusting!
Shame though because he was gorgeous..

shushpenfold · 10/12/2017 14:01

This thread is bringing back memories of my teens, with several exceedingly dubious kissing techniques. Chuckling.

Bananalanacake · 10/12/2017 14:02

I want a creme egg nowGrin

Offred · 10/12/2017 14:11

My ex... oh god it is so hard to describe but he used to grab my face and hold it hard and shove his tongue all the way in like he was trying to make me deep throat it and swirl it around like a washing machine. It was actually painful. Rather than tell him (I was scared of him) I just avoided kissing him as much as possible...

TheSameCoin · 10/12/2017 14:14

Oh dear. Might it be possible to improve things? I taught one of my ex’s to kiss. He got rather good at it eventually.