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Original poster

Confusing chivalry

27 replies

EH346 · 21/10/2017 09:44

I was sat watching tv with DP last night and subject of kindness came up. Out of the blue he said 'I'm a kind person, today I saw a woman and her baby sheltering from the rain on the street. I stopped my car and ran and gave her my umbrella' He couldn't understand that I found this a bit out of the ordinary and kept saying 'it was for the baby'. I admit I did react and say that her first response was that might be weird and that he wouldn't have thought of the baby so much if it had been a man!! Am I being insecure about this? Need a different opinion x

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 21/10/2017 09:47

I think it's a lovely gesture and something I would do too.

Psychologika · 21/10/2017 09:49

I think that’s lovely! He could well have done it for a guy, too. Only you know if there are reasons to be suspicious.

Teddy7878 · 21/10/2017 09:49

I would probably think it's a bit weird too but I'm a naturally insecure person. Deep down I'd know that it was just a nice gesture though and he was just helping someone out in a shit situation. Getting drenched in the rain with a baby wouldn't be much fun!

NataliaOsipova · 21/10/2017 09:52

Why are you being insecure about this? Your DP sounds like a lovely man. He saw someone in a miserable position with a small vulnerable infant and his first thought was to help her. Because he could. Wish there were more people about like that.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 21/10/2017 10:04

Sounds like a lovely thing to do.

Not quite the same, but a few years back I had a vomiting toddler in the gutter (asthmatic cough-induced), and a man parking nearby gave me his bottle of water and a packet of tissues. It was just instinctive help and I really appreciated it - I think the umbrella is much the same thing really.

Original poster
EH346 · 21/10/2017 10:12

thanks guys, I guess its way more straightforward than I thought, just a random act of kindness xxx

OP posts:
Cupoteap · 21/10/2017 10:18

Just the sort of thing my dp would do.

Bruceishavingfish · 21/10/2017 10:19

Why would it make you feel insecure?

If this is your immeadiate reaction to your dh doing something kind, perhaps you need some support.

Is there a back story?

bumpsadaisy11 · 21/10/2017 10:24

I was walking my dog in the rain & came across a homeless young man in a sleeping bag huddled against a tree trying to shelter from the rain.
I didn’t hesitate, I walked over to him said hello & offered him my umbrella. He was so thankful & thanked me over & over agin.
I got soaking wet on my way home, but I could change my clothes & have a warm shower.
I would definitely do it again, he looked so scared & vulnerable xxx

LemonShark · 21/10/2017 10:29

He sounds lovely. I walked past a young woman the other day struggling to fold the pram while holding baby in one arm and her dog on a led in the other hand surrounded by shopping bags in the rain. Didn't think twice to stop and ask if she needed a hand. She didn't, she was fine, but seemed grateful for the offer. Nice gestures to help each other our make the world go round.

do you trust him? Almost sounds like you're suspicious that he maybe did it cos he fancied the woman or something like that.

tadpole73 · 21/10/2017 10:33

Depends if he’s someone in need of attention from women or not. If he’s a thoughtful guy generally who gives you no cause to be jealous etc, then he’s being genuine. If you’ve had reason to doubt his commitment to you, when it could be his way of trying to get positive attention from a woman.

Original poster
EH346 · 21/10/2017 10:45

that's a lovely kind thing to do bumpsadaisy11, I'd do the same x my dp and I are spending quite a bit of time apart at the moment because of work and some of the closeness has gone. I guess in that moment of meeting up after being apart for a week I was just finding it tricky to hear how nice and thoughtful he'd been to someone else, and wanted him to find it easier to do things like that for me :) I've just got to be honest about that with him I think..it's tricky with a new routine, I'll get there! xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
EH346 · 21/10/2017 10:55

thanks tadpole x he does like the attention of women but I guess that's normal x sometimes its been tricky for example we went on a day out on the train once and there was a very attractive blond lady in our carriage, when we got off he started telling me how she's been looking at him through the journey and was clearly attracted to him..it didn't feel like the lovliest way to start our day out! he did apologise :)) xx

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 21/10/2017 11:19

If he's not kind and thoughtful to you then I can see how it would annoy you.

Barbaro · 21/10/2017 19:03

He's a bit weird for being a bit obsessed with how much another woman was looking at him. The act of kindness itself is find but thats weird.

Trills · 21/10/2017 19:06

I can understand thinking that giving away an umbrella is a bit much.

Umbrellas cost, what, a tenner?

I wouldn't generally give away a tenner to someone who hadn't even asked for my help.

I'd worry that a partner who did this would be prone to ostentatiously doing "kind" acts for others that would disadvantage me somehow (volunteering my time, inconveniencing me, spending our shared money, in ways that I didn't necessarily agree were necessary).

Trills · 21/10/2017 19:07

I also think that saying "I'm a kind person" is weird.

Annoyed5678 · 21/10/2017 19:09

Umbrellas don't all cost a tenner, can get them for 1.99 anyway its a kind thoughtful thing to do for the sake of a child

bumpsadaisy11 · 25/10/2017 22:58

Not that it is important in the grand scheme of things, but it was actually a cheap umbrella from Primark (I keep losing them) & cost about £3.
I would do it again 1000 times over. He looked scared & wet through. He actually thanked me for speaking to him.
If my random act of kindness cost £3 & made a vulnerable young man smile & feel a little bit less uncomfortable, then surely it was worth it.
When I got back home, my husband gave me a huge hug & told me that he was very proud of me.
To be honest I cannot believe that people think what I did was wrong, how can helping someone in need ever be wrong?
God forbid they ever find themselves in a position where they need help from someone!!

Changedname3456 · 26/10/2017 07:55

I’ve done similar before - why wouldn’t you? A bit of kindness goes a long way, like stopping to help someone push their car to a lay-by or helping to carry a pram down steep stairs.

The slightly odd bit is him telling you about it tbh. Is he looking for your approval?

bastardkitty · 26/10/2017 07:58

I guess what you're really saying OP is that you don't quite trust him and you question his motivation. The train story is a bit odd.

Hermonie2016 · 26/10/2017 12:10

Not too weird about the umbrella but train incident is weird.

Does he think all attractive women are after him? Even if it was remotely true it's odd to say it out loud!

debbs77 · 26/10/2017 12:16

Bloody hell, send him my way

tadpole73 · 27/10/2017 17:53

Does he have narcissistic traits? My hubby is a narcissists and does similar. Be alert, educate yourself about narcism to establish if there’s an agenda going on here. X

NotTheFordType · 27/10/2017 20:01

You're buying your umbrellas at the wrong shop @Trills, I got one for £1.99 in Poundstretcher and it's lasted 3 years and counting Grin

OP I was going to say he sounds lovely and kind, however the thing about saying a woman was basically "giving him the eye" sounds very attention seeking and almost like a subtle negging - "other women find me very attractive you know, you should be grateful I'm with you and not someone prettier." That has a bit of an off taste to me, and makes me think that the whole umbrella-giving deal was motivated more by his wish to be perceived as being kind, rather than genuine kindness itself. (That said, I'm sure the lady who was the recipient appreciated it anyway!)

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