Married men

[Cherrycolafizz]

So I'm aware I'm likely to be lynched on here but here goes.

I have become single this year and made some positive changes to my life, new job, lost weight and generally quite happy with my lot. Out the wood work have come a few men from my past, men that are now married and wanting to spend time with me all of a sudden. They tell me how they have no sex life with their wives but are happy in their relationships otherwise, and one in particular just seems to like the chat to me. I know I shouldn't be getting involved but if I'm honest the attention has given me a boast, and there's something comfortable about spending time with people who know you. Why do these men do this? And why do I accept it?

[AgSiopadoireachtAris]

ps, I agree that the ''because you're desperate'' type comments are unnecessarily harsh imo.

If we're going to call people desperate, what is NEVER ever acknowledged is that there is an element of desperation in married women staying with their husbands. And I'm not judging necessarily, I should have left sooner than I did. Desperation makes you stay.

[AgSiopadoireachtAris]

cherrycolafizz take some time off men and sex to think about what brings you joy. Sounds a cliche but it builds you up in to a more attractive person if you know what you enjoy doing and you do it and you have fun doing it. When you have a really strong sense of self you'll be a more attractive person to a higher calibre of man.

[user1481055867]

Well done girl on positive changes.Gosh, dont these women giving you hard time sitting on their high moral ponies.Their husbands probably browsing tinder while they are giving you grief on mumsnet.Most feedback likely from wives whose husbands dont have sex with them, so understandably angry and bitter.
Compliment is a compliment you feel good about yourself enjoy those compliments no matter who they are from. People should stop blaming "the other woman".She didnt make a committment to the wife, he did, so why is it suddenly up to her to keep a moral watch over their unions?It really depends what you want at this stage.If you dont want to jump into next relationship having sex with a married guy gets you privacy and zero committment, he cant expect anything from you.Unfortinately if you are not good separating hormones and chemicals from feelings then can be tough.Dont you ever feel insulted or bad about yourself, let the wives who married to these duchebags feel insulted.You are hot, single, independent and men love that as that means they cant easily have all of you as they do their wives.Even if you have sex there is always be that element of unattainability just because you are single and they are not and that drives them mad, since they love controlling one way or another.I will be lynched together with you, but hey, i 've been on both sides so neither i am biased nor am i bitter, just being honest with you.Good luck!

[HelenaDove]

Maybe women wouldnt go looking for validation in the wrong places if society wasnt so critical of the way they look.

[HelenaDove]

Im fresh from the vanity sizing thread so the above post may have been influenced by that.

[BriechonCheese]

OP I'm glad you're evaluating this situation because I think in the long run you'll feel very down about this situation.

Have you looked at therapy after your bad relationship?
You can get out of this but it is a cycle that is easy to fall into. My sister does this a lot and she pretends she is bright and breezy and happy go lucky but every few months it gets her down and leaves her feeling shit.

[CakesRUs]

They are using you. Don't go there, find a single bloke.

[Arealhumanbeing]

Apart from this situation do you have a full life? Friends, family, interests?

If you go there and get hurt is there enough in your life in terms of support and distraction so that you’re not pulled under by pain and heartache if one of these men lets you down in some way.

[sashimiyummies]

What would happen if the wives found out and came banging at your door. Surely you wouldn't want that kind of grief. I wouldn't. You're naive if you think it wouldn't happen.

[MrsLilymunster]

Sorry but it didn't sound like these men respect you at all. .. I mean. .. it's like they automatically assume you have no moral compass /self worth even! Yeah yes flattering to get attention but not from married men who think you are only good for a affair xx

[Peanutbuttercheese]

I seperated from DH a few months ago, we are now back together. A married male friend of mine made a play for me, he isn't a friend any more. Men are often chancers and they have sniffed you out because they know your vulnerable. If you are having chats and have revealed any of your history in relationships it will bring out the massive turds of men that you know.

Work on yourself before dating anyone at all.

[Chattymummyhere]

They do it because they can. It's not because they are nice men who care about how you feel it's about sex.

My friend tried starting something with a taken man it never quite got as far as sex (she says) because she declared she didn't just want to be the bit on the side. He dropped her and moved on to his next victim/s.

At the end of the day a taken person male/female will use someone for fun and then go back home and play happy family's leaving you to be alone all evening/weekend. It won't make you feel better in the long run you will just end up feeling used and cheated in life.

[Arealhumanbeing]

OP. Please think carefully before you act, either way. You sound a little vulnerable following the end of your relationship and the way you were treated in it.

Some affairs are never discovered and go on for a life time. Others are discovered, or end and the fall out can be terrible.

I wouldn’t pay too much attention to any remarks which are basically meant as a slap round the face.

The idea that the the female affair partner is always used and then left alone is a bit of a stereotype. People still view most (hetero) sexual scenarios as the man ‘taking’ and the woman ‘giving’ something away or losing something. How you spend the time you’re not with him is entirely within your control. It’s not a given (or the law) that you WILL spend evenings and weekends alone.