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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Suspect partner of cheating

41 replies

Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:02

Hi
My partner of 10 years was away on a stag weekend. Things haven't been to good between us lately, just a bit distant with each other. I'm 7months pregnant and we have a 2 year old.
I checked a couple messages on his phone when he returned and I found one he sent to his friend saying he had sniffed gear of a brasses clit.
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I have asked him if he visited any strip clubs, brothles he denies it all saying they were just in pubs drinking.
I told him I have a feeling he's not telling me the truth & he said he can't believe wee having this conversation we are his life!
I don't want to bring up the txt as I was snooping. Imjust unsure what to do partly because I'm afraid of his answer.
What if he did do it. How can I trust him, is worth breaking up our family for ?

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/09/2017 22:12

What's a brass? U sure it's not a joke message?

Santawontbelong · 30/09/2017 22:14

Stripper?

Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:19

When I googled it said cockney slang for prostitute 😔
Why would he joke about that?

OP posts:
Annelind · 30/09/2017 22:20

Brass comes from cockney rhyming slang. Brass nail - tail, a slang word for a prostitute (or sex worker, the term I prefer to use)

HoHoHoHo · 30/09/2017 22:24

Brass flute = prostitute

Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/09/2017 22:25

A joke like this
Mate - get up to much on the stag?
Him - yeh bud snorted coke off a brasses....
Mate - course you did pull the other one

Mama234 · 30/09/2017 22:25

Yuk, Tell him you know! And get yourself booked in for a sti test! So sorry it must be so difficult x

GhoulsFold · 30/09/2017 22:27

Snooping or not, I'd be questioning him about this. Doesn't sound very jokey to me... it's far too specific

Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/09/2017 22:28

Hard to tell without knowing who there t was to and the context

Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:36

The context of the message was my partner telling his friend he was hungover. He then send message about the prostitute and his friend replied 'bet that was nice.' And partner replied 'blinding'
So he has showed no remorse that hurts a lot too
All this stress can't be good for baby

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/09/2017 22:37

Ugh. Was really hoping it was banter. Sorry op

Pombliboo123 · 30/09/2017 22:41

My DPs friends are all a bunch of assholes and this is the sort of thing they would call "banter"... clearly I'm lacking a sense of humour because I can't see how it's funny.

SO it might just be that?

Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:44

Hopefully
What should I do? How can I stay with him if he has done this

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 30/09/2017 22:46

How about.
Honey I am sorry but I don't want a drug taking cheat for a df for my baby so fuck off?

GlowWorm123 · 30/09/2017 22:48

You deserve better than someone who snorts cocaine off a prostitutes genitals.

That’s not banter. That’s the real him.

Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:55

I just can't believe he would do this. You never fully know someone!
The thoughts of being in my own with 2 small children is scary I'm not from England only moved over 2 years ago & have no family & only few friends here for support

OP posts:
autumnleaves101 · 30/09/2017 22:55

Sounds more than banter to me I'm afraid op.

He sounds very immature, how old is he?

You deserve much better than this, look after yourself and your unborn child.

Has he cheated before that you know of?

Pombliboo123 · 30/09/2017 22:56

Obviously you cant.

Can you not just be honest and say you looked at his phone and cam he explain himself?

inmyshoos · 30/09/2017 22:57

Would you know if he was lying to your face? I'd just say to him casually 'so you were snorting gear off a prostitute?'
See how he responds and decide if he is lying. If you choose to believe him I'd still be giving him a hard time over saying this to anyone even as a joke, it shows no respect to you or your dc.

GlowWorm123 · 30/09/2017 22:57

Can you get hold of his phone and dig deeper?

Then explain to him what you know/have seen.

Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:57

He is 33. I don't think he has cheated before not that I know off !

OP posts:
Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 22:58

We are supposed to be going on holidays tomorrow for a week away before baby arrives

OP posts:
Original poster
Shine123 · 30/09/2017 23:00

He deleted the txt I have checked

But there was no more added to it
They were just taking about his friends partner who is also pregnant

OP posts:
inmyshoos · 30/09/2017 23:04

You have to speak to him or this will drive you crazy.

Whatamesshaslunch · 30/09/2017 23:05

To me it sounds like men being silly. But you know your OH. If you think it sounds like something he would do, then maybe he did. If it's an enormous shock, maybe he didn't? Trust your gut. And talk to him, because even if it was banter, you'll now spend your entire life with this eating you up if you don't thrash it out now.

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