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Original poster

What does he mean by 'I love being with you'?

51 replies

mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 18:42

In response to me telling him that I love him.
We've been together 7 months, it's his first relationship since his wife died 20 years ago, he wanted to concentrate on bringing up their children.
It's my first relationship since I divorced my abusive husband a few years ago.
We met online and instantly clicked.
He behaves like he loves me, but if I tell him I love him, he answers with 'I love being with you'.
Does he love me, or is it just a 'nice' relationship for him, do you think?

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPrettySister · 29/09/2017 18:44

He loves to, but quite so much, I'm afraid.

Us a bit of a evasive answer.

Sorry.

category12 · 29/09/2017 18:45

It means he either isn't ready to say I love you back or doesn't love you back.

FrogsLegs31 · 29/09/2017 18:46

Sounds like he may simply not be ready. Look at his actions and try to focus on them

Oakleygirl · 29/09/2017 18:46

He may just be afraid to say the "L" word, or just not as much in love as you are so far.....maybe give it a little more time. Some men just have a mental block about actually saying it.

Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 18:48

Don't push him. As and when he falls in love with you I'm sure he'll tell you. In my opinion 7 months is too early for declarations of love anyway. You barely know each other

Joinourclub · 29/09/2017 18:48

Well it seems like a way of avoiding saying 'I love you' .

He could be avoiding it because:

  • he doesn't love you
  • he's not ready to say it
  • he feels saying it would be a betrayal to his dead wife
  • he feels incapable of being in love
BeanoNoir · 29/09/2017 18:48

Might be way off the mark here, but it could feel strange to him to say it to someone else who isn't his late wife. He may not have imagined feeling that way again and feeling a bit conflicted about saying it.

Anecdoche · 29/09/2017 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 18:56

That's what confuses me, he is so loving and attentive, we go out, he holds my hand, hugs me without expecting sex, listens when I talk.

But - I spent 20 years with an emotionally abusive man, who was the total opposite - I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, and he's just behaving like a normal man,

I'm also Asperger, which tends to make me a bit naive with other people.

I wonder if I should cook things down a bit?

OP posts:
Original poster
mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 18:57

Cool even

OP posts:
Oakleygirl · 29/09/2017 18:59

He sounds lovely, just try not to place too much importance on it, remember actions speak louder than words Smile

SuperSkyRocketing · 29/09/2017 19:00

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he's just not ready to say it yet. His actions definitely sound loving so I wouldn't worry too much. Actions speak louder than words.

Lweji · 29/09/2017 19:02

Listen to what he says.
After 7 months he should know how he feels about you.
He loves being with you. As he probably loves being with his friends.
My best guess is he isn't in love with you.
However, he may have deeper feelings that he hasn't recognised.

What does he say if you want to discuss the future of the relationship?

Wherearemymarbles · 29/09/2017 19:07

Maybe he doesnt love you... yet
Give it time. Ive only been in love with 2 women. And in both cases it took more than a year...

Original poster
mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 19:11

He said things like 'I wonder how we would get on if we lived together' initially, but when we talked about it recently he said he didn't think we would ever be able to live together because of finances and our respective houses.

I own my house, he has a council house where two of his adult children still live, and he would have to give up his house if he moved in with me.
His children still seem very dependent on him.
I didn't think it would bother me that he didn't return the 'I love you' - but it does.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 19:18

In my experience I'd be wary and keep your distance a bit. My ex was all affectionate, hand holding, cuddles etc. We never really discussed the future but he (at the beginning) hinted at it. He ended things recently after 11 months saying his heart wasn't in it (could have bloody fooled me). Don't get over invested and stop telling him you love him until he says it to you. I'd be very careful here. Hearts are fragile things and mine is very bruised right now

Lweji · 29/09/2017 19:20

Ever?

Sorry, but it looks like you're good enough for now.
Sadly, I've seen male friends do that and drag relationships they didn't have their hearts on.

If you don't feel confident of his love and commitment, set him free, or just enjoy your time together, but don't expect much.

Original poster
mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 19:59

I think that's exactly what I've done - I've become too invested in him, too quickly. To be fair, he hasn't made any promises and he has always said 'family first' (meaning the kids).
He's the first man I've been out with since I spilt up with my ex, and I've fallen too fast.
I'm gutted, but I'm not going to be taken for a ride again.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 20:04

If you can keep it relaxed by all means carry on and see where it takes you. He might fall in love with you. But being where you are I'd be wary. Very wary. It's hard not to get too invested, I never really did to that level but I was still blindsided when he ended it as his words didn't match his actions at all.

Original poster
mylifetoo · 29/09/2017 20:11

Exactly, his words don't match his actions. I'm 55 btw and he's 61 - we're too old to be playing games.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 20:19

Yep. We were 44 and 42 and I told him from day 1 not to play games as I didn't 'need' a relationship. He was absolutely lovely for 11 months. Then out of the blue - over. From nowhere. I can't decide whether he's mixed up or massively deceptive. Still that said 7 months is too soon for the L word. You never know, things might progress (ever the optimist)

lovemylover · 29/09/2017 20:25

Some men find it very difficult to say the L word,even if they do love you
Some families are the same, maybe his family were not very demonstrative,and not used to showing or saying affectionate things
I wouldnt give up on him yet,

ravenmum · 29/09/2017 20:38

When I'm seeing someone I hug them, touch them, kiss them, have sex with them, laugh at ther jokes and say nice things to them, but none of that is a promise that I am going to love them forever. That's what you do with your boyfriend or girlfriend, however casual the relationship, isn't it? If you are a halfway decent person? I've been dating someone for 9 months now and we get on well together but I can't say I know him that well. Before that I was in a much more lovey-dovey relationship, and the L word came up a lot, but to be honest it was mostly infatuation. Didn't go anywhere.

CakesRUs · 29/09/2017 20:45

I'd give him some more time. Might feel odd saying it being a widow, it shouldn't, but I could understand that it might.

Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 20:46

I think that's right Raven but it's different when that carries on even the very day it's ended. When I've split up with people in the past I've tended to withdraw a bit first. I think that's probably natural. When I knew I was ending my relationship in the past I couldn't hold his hand, have spontaneous cuddles etc as my heart was screaming no. I think everyone deserves honesty and integrity. Sadly some don't give that, or they think it's ok just to carry on stringing someone along which is just cruel. Not saying OPs partner is doing that at all but it's not a good idea to get too invested too soon

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