Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

My life turned into a soap opera

55 replies

BlackMirror · 24/09/2017 20:17

My ex walked in on me having sex last week in my house. We have kids together so he has a key. Kids were not at home at this time.
The first thing he did after leaving was send my mum a vile text consisting of 'I've just walked in on your daughter fucking a random black guy' she went hysterical and was upset and still is. She's blaming me now.

He has now basically got a vendetta against me and came round in the morning to get the kids and in front of my neighbours said all sorts of disgusting things like I bring random men round for sex etc she heard it all and her daughter goes to school with my son so that will be fun bumping into her.
I've spoken to his dad to calm him down. He was still messaging me horrible things and calling me names tonight so I sent him a message saying we will only.message about the kids from now on and if the messages continue I will go to the police for harrassment.
I just needed to tell someone as I have no one to talk to about this as my mum and sister are hardly talking to me.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2017 20:22

I can see why your ex is an ex. What a pig. As for your mother and sister, perhaps they aren't aware that a grown woman can have a sex life. Kidding, obviously. This is their problem and they'll just have to get over it. Why would they be so upset? How ridiculous.

Brahms3rdracket · 24/09/2017 20:22

Have you taken his key away from him? Why was he using it to enter your house if the dcs weren't there or with him?

You shouldn't tolerate this behaviour, you've done nothing wrong.

Issummeroveryet · 24/09/2017 20:23

Why has he got a key?? I've got kids with my ex but no way in hell he would have a key. The first thing I would be doing is getting it back.
Everything else is your business and if anybody asks that's all you need to say, you're a grown woman

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 24/09/2017 20:25

You should have told him you were needing a decent session after his miserable offerings.
You have done nothing wrong except trust him with a key. .
Your dm will get over it.
Hold your head high.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 24/09/2017 20:29

He doesn't need a key, he's your ex-take it back or change the locks.
Who you fuck is non of his, your mother's, your neighbours or any other twatting randomers business.
Tell your ex exactly that & also that he can fuck right off.

SandyY2K · 24/09/2017 20:31

He doesn't live there. He doesn't need a key just because you have kids together.

Wishingandwaiting · 24/09/2017 20:31

Bloody hell, a very low budget soap opera at that!

Branleuse · 24/09/2017 20:34

why the fuck has he got a key to your house? Whats he doing walking in? Have you only just split up?

scoobydoo1971 · 24/09/2017 20:41

Change the lock...you can do it yourself with a cheap replacement from ebay on a upvc door and a quick look at 'how to' guides on you tube. If you take the key back off him then he may have made a copy.

Ex should not be visiting unannounced anyway, especially if kids are not home...that is control. Stick to fixed child access arrangements and get on with your life...who cares what the neighbours think.

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2017 20:43

I'm also wondering why if neither of you had the kids he has a key and just lets himself into your house. That's weird. Take the key off him.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 24/09/2017 20:47

Why does he have a key? If your children are old enough to be left in the house alone, they are old enough to answer the door or have their own keys. If they are too young, you (or another adult) will be there to open the door.

AuntieStella · 24/09/2017 20:55

Front it out. Tell people the person is not a random, and it doesn't matter whether he's white, black, yellow for skyblue pink with purple spots on, your new relationship was private and you are aghast that your ex had decided to inform the children before you knew the new man is a keeper.

And change the locks

JWrecks · 24/09/2017 20:55

Oh wow what a bastard. Yeah, I'm with PP saying take that key right off him.

He's a twat and a half. I'm so sorry.

Original poster

BlackMirror · 24/09/2017 21:26

House is in his name so cannot change locks. He thought kids were here but they were still at sitters. I finished work early so met up with my (basically boyfriend but newly dating). He turned up very early to see kids.
My only mistake was not having boundaries up where he thought he could just swan in my room.
His ego is probably bruised as new guy is very gorgeous and physically fit, compared to him.
Him telling my mum and talking shit in front of the neighbours and calling me disgusting and a slag is just really horrible. I'm being made to feel like ive done something awful and questioning myself

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 24/09/2017 21:48

new guy sounds lovely OP... can you get your own place

Fantasticmissfoxy · 24/09/2017 21:51

He's jealous and bitter and very unpleasant. If you can't change the locks you can at least put on a chain to use when you're in and want some privacy! Tell your mother to mind her own business.

JWrecks · 25/09/2017 02:24

at least put on a chain to use

This. Something. You can't have a non-resident just barging in on your at any time. That's awful. Especially a grade A twat like him!

SensitiveOldAgeGuy · 25/09/2017 03:28

I don't know exactly what the laws are in your area but I think he has defamed you. Recording the names and dates would be useful ammo if you ever need to get a restraining order or anything.

I personally think that it would be nice to be able to give a key to an ex in the case of an amicable divorce, I don't know whether it was before, he has departed that territory permanently.

SensitiveOldAgeGuy · 25/09/2017 03:31

How to bruise one's own ego BTW. HaHaHa.

Cavender · 25/09/2017 03:50

Use the chain every time you are in the house from now on, even when kids are there. Make him knock.

Get a lock for your bedroom door so that he can’t snoop while you are out.

Speak to your Mum, say that you understand that she was upset but that you are an adult and this isn’t her business.

Do the same for your sister — or tell her to get over it—

Brazen it through with neighbour. Don’t mention it. She’s more likely to think badly of him than you.

Restrict conversation with your ex to kids only. Do not respond to anything else.

ChickenMom · 25/09/2017 05:20

Firstly, congrats on the gorgeous BF and good for you for getting some decent daytime action. High Five. Why are your mother and sister having this negative reaction to you having an awesome time? Sounds like everyone in your life thinks they own or can control you? You need to have a frank conversation with your mother. Something along the lines of "my kids weren't in the house, I'm an adult, my ex was useless in bed, my new boyfriend is very new and great in bed and a grown woman has needs. Please don't punish me for finally getting some happiness in my life. As my mother you should be celebrating for me" she is being totally unreasonable and childish. It is none of your ex's business what you do. Chain on the door and a lock on your bedroom door. Message him "shame you had to meet my gorgeous new BF under those circumstances but realise you are my EX. He isn't and I am entitled to make love to whoever I want in the privacy of my own home. Sort your shitty attitude out dude. As you can't be trusted please drop your key off as you are no longer welcome to let yourself in and out whenever plus I can't guarantee you won't be walking in on me getting some more first rate action in the future" start standing up for yourself. Hold your head up high. Tell them what's what and carry on enjoying your awesome sex life.

DownTownAbbey · 25/09/2017 06:12

Ultimately he's shown himself up, not you.

Bonez · 25/09/2017 06:25

House in his name or not he shouldn't be letting himself in if he doesn't live there. Get the chain fitted if you don't have one. Tell your mum and sister you're no longer with the children's dad so you can have sex with whoever you want without the go ahead from anyone. Be careful as well because he sounds like the kind of tit who will slag you off to the children about this.

holeinmyheart · 25/09/2017 06:33

Your Ex has behaved really badly but possibly understandably. Not by entering a house where you live, just because he has a key, but by behaving in a jealous, immature and mean way.
He loved you once and he has children with you. It's not surprising then that a remnant of feeling for you remains. Also if he was able to peruse your new BFs physique and wedding tackle, imagine his comparisons.

Your Mum and sister, FFS, what are they playing at believing rubbish about you? I don't think they are worth speaking to....so them not speaking to you must be a relief. How dare they not stick up for you.

If you were my DD I would have told your Ex to desist telling me detrimental stuff about someone I love. Now they are sulking...How mature. NOT
Hope you managed to get a really mind blowing orgasam in before the Ex came through the door. There is always a silver lining ?

Original poster

BlackMirror · 25/09/2017 14:02

Thank you i appreciate all your replies, its given me some power. My sister said hes been bombarding my mother with text messages about me. I need to call her today.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3