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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My life turned into a soap opera

55 replies

BlackMirror · 24/09/2017 20:17

My ex walked in on me having sex last week in my house. We have kids together so he has a key. Kids were not at home at this time.
The first thing he did after leaving was send my mum a vile text consisting of 'I've just walked in on your daughter fucking a random black guy' she went hysterical and was upset and still is. She's blaming me now.

He has now basically got a vendetta against me and came round in the morning to get the kids and in front of my neighbours said all sorts of disgusting things like I bring random men round for sex etc she heard it all and her daughter goes to school with my son so that will be fun bumping into her.
I've spoken to his dad to calm him down. He was still messaging me horrible things and calling me names tonight so I sent him a message saying we will only.message about the kids from now on and if the messages continue I will go to the police for harrassment.
I just needed to tell someone as I have no one to talk to about this as my mum and sister are hardly talking to me.

OP posts:

BishopBrennansArse · 25/09/2017 14:04

As above use the chain, also fit bolts.

Cavender · 25/09/2017 14:10

Why does your sister care so much about this?

Why is your having a relationship with someone new such a big deal to her?

Allthebestnamesareused · 25/09/2017 14:27

Tell your Mum to block him.

Take the key back. Just because you have kids together does not entitle him to a key to your home.

If he won't give it back change the locks.

Who you are seeing/sleeping with is none of his business and especially if it is happening when your kids aren't around.

Original poster

BlackMirror · 25/09/2017 18:25

He was messaging me shitty things last night so I told him no more or I'll go to the police for harassment. He's stopped.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 26/09/2017 00:03

no more or I'll go to the police for harassment. He's stopped

Excellent

I've heard people are able to change locks after suspected break ins, and if they dont feel safe......

Why is he hassling your family. They should block him.

Your Ex should be ashamed of himself. He's jealous.

BubblingUp · 26/09/2017 01:44

Just own it. Hold your head up and own it. You've done nothing wrong. They are all jealous.

TheNaze73 · 26/09/2017 13:40

If he's that prone to an over reaction, I think you need to move to your own place

Onecutefox · 26/09/2017 13:47

Jeez, Op but I hope you had some fun with your new boyfriend. Think about a chain or do it in your BF's place as your ex with the key can turn up at any time. And now he will be even more eager to turn up unannounced.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2017 16:35

I do hope you managed to talk to your mum.
You did nothing wrong at all.
Your mum should be happy for you.
Tell her to block the Ex as he's a nasty toxic asshole.
You go girl!!!

Original poster

BlackMirror · 26/09/2017 18:40

My mum is very pissed. All she's thinking about is the sort of guy I'm shagging - if he's black he must be a ghetto criminal - she's an idiot. They can both fuck off. Haven't heard from him today thank god. My friend called, she knows his friends wife and apparently It's the talk of the WhatsApp groups. So pleased. 😑

OP posts:

WhoWants2Know · 26/09/2017 18:44

OP, I had a similar situation with an ex who would let himself into the house. Lock the door and leave the key in it. Get your mum to block his number, and just brazen it out. It's nobody's business what you get up to in your own bedroom.

garmsfresh · 26/09/2017 18:49

Wow is your mum living in 1950's America tell her to calm the fuck down. I would be tempted to anomalously sent her a copy of Chocolate City!

Original poster

BlackMirror · 26/09/2017 18:51

I know, shitty attitude. He's asked for his tv back now. Let the pettitness begin

OP posts:

Violetparis · 26/09/2017 18:58

So is you're mum angry purely because your new boyfriend is black ?

HeebieJeebies456 · 26/09/2017 20:52

i can just imagine what a laugh his mates will be having at him behind his back......he walks into your home, into your bedroom....then complains about the fact that you've moved on from him.

Don't feel embarrassed, OP.
I'm sure your neighbours are well aware that you don't have random guys coming round all the time etc
As for your mum/sis - ignore them until they're able to behave themselves with you.

Get a chain, or even better - a deadbolt - for the inside of your front and back doors. Use these whenever you're in.
It means he is forced to knock and wait for you to answer/let him in.
He will still have a key - as legally allowed - but the idiot won't be able to use it to get in

Just because his name is on the deeds/mortgage does NOT mean he still has free access to your home now that your relationship has ended.
I suggest getting legal advice about an occupation order or the like.

If he says anything about it to you - LAUGH at him!
Look him straight in the eyes and laugh at him.
That's the only response i would dignify his cuntishness with

Gemini69 · 26/09/2017 22:13

the Jealousy runs deep with this EX

NoFanJoe · 26/09/2017 23:10

You know you've done nothing wrong here. People like to gossip but it'll blow over soon enough. After all, "woman has sex with boyfriend in own home" is hardly a shocker.

I do think you need to deal with him having a key though. A chain or deadbolt are good ideas. I also suggest a sneakier strategy ... Make it clear that you won't deny entry but it'll now need to be through prior arrangement. It doesn't sound like he'll be able to stick to that as he clearly thinks he's got some right to judge you. So I'd also get a nanny cam that you can use to detect him snooping. Having got that evidence, go ahead and change the locks.

Original poster

BlackMirror · 27/09/2017 18:58

I'll definitely take all tour advice.

He's told my father. I'm fucking done.

OP posts:

Annelind · 27/09/2017 19:15

Christ, what a jealous child your ex is

Original poster

BlackMirror · 27/09/2017 19:27

My dad said he's acting like a jealous husband. He's laughable. Not even going to say anything to him

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 27/09/2017 19:28

It'll all blow over but he'll still be a dick.

Anatidae · 27/09/2017 19:29

Swap him the TV for the key.

Annelind · 27/09/2017 19:30

Best way OP. He's making a complete twunt of himself

EezerGoode · 27/09/2017 19:32

He's jealous,he still cares,if he didn't he wouldn't of batted an eyelid.hes also racist...hope you had an enjoyable time op x

Original poster

BlackMirror · 27/09/2017 19:43

He's black himself.

OP posts:

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