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Original poster

Early texting

38 replies

Oakleygirl · 20/08/2017 15:43

Hope I'm doing this right, lol. Can someone tell me (newly dating after many years) is it normal for men to be hot and cold re texting or am I being stalky? I don't want to be messing about texting all bloody day but my new romance texts some days and not others, and also will text for about ten mins then disappear for a day with nothing! Been seeing him about twice a week so far, and he's said he's not good at texting, but a couple of texts a day, or replying to mine (I don't send long texts or bombard him or anything) would reassure me a bit. I'm becoming anxious as I really like him. (It's great when we're actually together btw). Any advice would be welcome.

OP posts:
ScruffyLookingNerfHerder · 20/08/2017 16:10

I think you're saying he texts some days and not others?

He's not blowing hot and cold, he's just not into texting (as he said)

Don't get hung up on it or you'll make an issue where there is none.

Why not ask him if there's a good time to call for a 10 chat because you miss him (assuming that's the reason for the texts)

See if you can build that into a pattern, but don't stress if sometimes it's not a good time.

Just generally relax

Admirablenelson · 20/08/2017 16:18

Don't want to rain on your parade, but that does not sound very promising. As a man, if I was interested in a woman I would not vanish for a day at a time without forewarning her, or ignore a message. I might not phone every day, but texting is so much more relaxed and quick. I assume you have excluded work or travel commitments that would prevent texting. Does this behaviour tally with his general personality? All that said, my last courting was some time before I had a mobile! Maybe it's just him. Perhaps he doesn't take his phone everywhere.

yetmorecrap · 20/08/2017 16:22

I am not mega keen myself on texting and I really am not keen on overtexters either. So if I do it, it tends to be in concentrated periods. People are all different. I dont tend to do it unless I have something specific to do/say.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 20/08/2017 16:22

Thanks Scruffy, I think I'm over thinking things as I like him so much! I will try to relax more or as you say I will ruin things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleygirl · 20/08/2017 16:25

Admirab, no when we're together it's great. It's just me being daft and needy I think. I will have to give myself a good talking to, lol.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 20/08/2017 16:27

Some people just don't text much. If it's staying consistently crap and he seems keen when you see each other then let it go.
If texting goes from full on to a trickle and actual dates are sparse that's usually a sign someone isn't that bothered.

Admirablenelson · 20/08/2017 16:44

It's probably all fine, op. Sorry my first response started so negatively. I kind of changed my view by the end!

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 20/08/2017 16:58

That's ok Admirab, thanks for taking the time to reply, other people's opinions are useful for me to get things into perspective.Smile

OP posts:
JK1773 · 20/08/2017 17:03

I wouldn't worry about texts. I see my DP once or twice a week. When we're together it's great. In between we don't text every day, sometimes we do, some weeks not. I think being secure in your relationship is the key. I miss him when we're not together but I like my own space too. He's the same and it works for us

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 20/08/2017 18:48

Are you sure he is single???

Admirablenelson · 20/08/2017 19:38

Even before the era of texting it was never easy to get the frequency of contact right and the degree of interest to show.

TheNaze73 · 20/08/2017 19:49

Texting is a terrible additional headache for dating. It's just inane. Save it to just arrange dates, not for inane things.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 22/08/2017 07:54

Ijustwant...yes Im as sure as I can be that he's single. Would run for the hillls if I thought he wasn't.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 22/08/2017 08:21

You've got two threads OP? Maybe you need to calm down a little.

In the nicest possible way, chill out.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/08/2017 08:58

So glad there was no texting in my early days. Just get on with your own life. Be busy . If this works out great if not you need to have your own busy life to fall back on. Agree that its good to only use it for arranging stuff especially if its messing with your head.

chestylarue52 · 22/08/2017 13:14

I think it's worth a bit of introspection here

How much would he ideally text?
What does him texting signify to you?

Is it a measure of how much he likes you? That's he's thinking of you or that he has something to communicate to you? How often should or would you like him to be thinking about you, or do you think he should always have something to communicate to you?

How often do you text your friends, family? How much does he? Do you think this person text you so much more frequently and if so why?

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 23/08/2017 13:05

Crunchy mum, yes I have asked the question on two threads, wasn't sure which one it belonged on Smile

June, good advice, thanks.

Chesty, thanks for your thoughts, it's helped me work it out in my head. Think I'm feeling a little insecure and the texts make me feel he's thinking of me. Every time we meet up I feel more secure so hopefully I'll stop stressing very soon Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleygirl · 15/09/2017 18:02

Blimey, sorry guys but I'm stressing again at the mo Confused. Still seeing my lovely guy but this texting business is driving me crazy!! I wish I could throw my phone in the river! All's well when we're together. but on the nights when I don't see him it seems to get so random?? Sometimes he texts me first and is bombarding me with texts, other times I don't hear from him and (I like to text him "Night night") and just get a text back saying "Night"??
It's as if we've had a row or something only we haven't?? Last night for instance, I text him asking if he was ok. He replied that he was tired, I text him a minute later asking if he worked late and if we were still on for our date tonight or should we make it tomorrow if he was likely to be tired and got no reply. I thought ok, maybe he fell asleep? Fine. Then 9.30 this morning I get a reply saying "yes" really busy at work......so my question is "yes" what? Yes I worked late, or yes it's ok to see him tonight as we planned Hmm. So I'm about to leave work with no idea if I have a date tonight or tomorrow!! Angry. My question is, should I persevere with him or is he just not that into me? Any thoughts gratefully received please?

OP posts:
Mrsjohnmurphy · 15/09/2017 18:17

I think he's probably not that into you. When someone is you don't have these doubts and angst. The texting thing is just a manifestation of your gut feeling that he is stringing you along imo.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 15/09/2017 18:20

Yes, sadly I think you're right Mrs.... thanks.

OP posts:
Mrsjohnmurphy · 15/09/2017 18:24

Maybe I was a bit harsh, but every time I have had this kind of angst it has never worked out for the best, it's horrible this dating lark, but I refuse to make excuses in my head for people now or give the benefit of the doubt. [Flowers]

beesandknees · 15/09/2017 18:29

It's not meant to feel like this op!
You don't sound compatible! I'd pack it in... relationships are meant to make your life better, not more stressful. Don't continue with someone whose way of interacting makes you feel anxious.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 15/09/2017 18:31

I know you're right....it's hard though because Iike him so much....and it's good when we're together. I've been messed about in the past and can't tolerate this sort of stress......I have a headache now from waiting all day for a reply....he's not even read my Whatsapp message from this morning yet! How busy can any job be ffs? I will get home and bury myself under the duvet I think! Can't stand messers....so angry with him right now and can't really let him know cause the relationship is fairly new and don't want to appear like a lunatic! XX

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 15/09/2017 19:59

Hi OP, sorry I agree with the previous posters. If he was that in to you, he wouldn't behave like that. He seems to be giving you tremendous highs but seriously bad lows.........not worth the stress x x

PringlesPirate · 15/09/2017 20:09

Sounds like he only texts you when he is bored.