Early texting

[Oakleygirl]

Hope I'm doing this right, lol. Can someone tell me (newly dating after many years) is it normal for men to be hot and cold re texting or am I being stalky? I don't want to be messing about texting all bloody day but my new romance texts some days and not others, and also will text for about ten mins then disappear for a day with nothing! Been seeing him about twice a week so far, and he's said he's not good at texting, but a couple of texts a day, or replying to mine (I don't send long texts or bombard him or anything) would reassure me a bit. I'm becoming anxious as I really like him. (It's great when we're actually together btw). Any advice would be welcome.

Thanks mylittlepony, I think everyone's telling me what I already know deep down. I will be strong and ignore him now after the horrible day I've had today! Still angry! Unless I hear that he's been beamed up to outerspace and that's why he couldn't text, there's no excuse I can think of for ignoring me all day! And what makes me even madder, is that I've spent the day thinking of what I could have done to cause this! Grrrr!

Sorry but from your update I just don't see what he's done wrong.. you text him saying night night and he texts back night? Why would you text and ask if the date needed rearranging? I just don't see what you want from him. Maybe it's because I'm not much of a texter myself.

for what it's worth I think whatsapp is the devil for relationships - those little blue ticks

My DP was exactly the same. For the first few months of dating he was terrible at texting back. My position was that if was keen on me then he would be more text responsive. He didn't text back for couple days on some occasions. It was confusing as we got on great during date meet ups. One night it got too much and I sent a very angry text saying it was rude not to text back and that he shouldn't contact me again. He text me immediately saying had been super 'busy' with work and that we should meet up to discuss. He said he'd be better texting didn't realise it was problem for me. He always text more promptly (the same day) after that and we are still together now 8 years on. After few years he admitted that it was inexperience to 'dating protocol' and unsure how keen he should come across so not to scare me off. Maybe your new guy is not an experienced dater and so is being cautious.

I just reminded my DP about the texting 'blip' lol and he said 'datings a minefield I didn't want to come across too keen and needy texting back all the time like I'm desperate. That would have put you off me'

Treebags, thanks. That makes sense. He eventually did text back last Friday (to ask if we were still on track for our date) and said he didn't see my message. I was stressed so decided it was best to put off our date till Saturday, and again we got on well. The texting has been sparse again and although we arranged to meet this evening, I've had no texts! Currently trying not to stress, lol. (He admitted to me that he has an issue with relationships sometimes, and that if he really likes someone he doesn't feel "good enough"). I'm determined not to give in and text him, so just hoping he's not forgotten and won't turn up!

Seriously just drop this texting out!! Think back to the good ole days, before mobiles. You arrange to meet up - you meet up - its all good. Personally i find constant contact with another person intrusive, irritating and suffocating. Let him get on with his life in between the time you see each other. Be cool, not needy!! Or he'll go off you. My ex became more and more suffocating and i ended it with him because he got on my tits with it all by the end. Relax and enjoy the good times you have with him!!

Ah I kind of feel your pain OP. Texting is such a horror, I'm sure I'm offending friends all over the place by not texting back, then going crazy with anxiety when I text them and they don't reply.
Can you just cut texting out of your relationship? What do you even need to text for? Give it a go perhaps?

You are massively over invested in the texts. Leave him alone and find someone you can exchange war and peace with.

Many thanks for your comments Shayelle, Robotsmania and Scottishdiem - saw him last night and it was lovely between us. Arranged to see him Friday and will try very hard to drop out texting till then. Think he just texts when there is actually something to say!

My boyfriend isn't a texter. Took my ages to get my head around and it really bothered me even though I had no doubt whatsoever that he was (and still is) very much into me. In the end we had a chat about it, he makes a more effort to text, I've had a word with myself about my slightly unreasonable expectations. Time has passed and everything is great, as wonderful as the first flush of lust is, there's a huge area open for misunderstandings and misinterpretation because you're still getting to know each other too.

Alisvolatpropiis - its reassuring to know that mine's not the only one who doesn't text frequently - in fact as the relationship progresses, the less he seems to text! I know he works long hours, gets very tired and often can't be bothered with his phone, so I suppose I will get more confidence in the relationship as time goes by, and hopefully be able to stop making texting such a big deal myself!

As time goes by, you'll both work out a level which suits.

I never doubted, and it doesn't sound like you do either with yours, how interested my boyfriend was in being with me so it was a case of accepting him for what he is - a bloody useless texter and him accepting me for what I am - a massive fan of texting. We met in the middle

Thanks Alis, really hoping he and I will manage to meet in the middle too!