Less texting after 4 dates

[runningintothelight]

Hey,

So I met this guy who blew my socks off. Great dates , he'd text everyday or like photos online etc . 4th date was awesome too ( Friday just gone ) and we came home and since then ... his interest seems to have gone way down ...

He's not intiatiating texts anymore , he'll respond pleasantly if I text him first , but I don't want to feel like I'm pushing it . I know he's working early till late this week , and at the weekend he's away till next Thursday ... but I feel it takes 2 seconds to text someone ?

I did call him on it , I asked him if he had a spare night this week and he'd said maybe , then I heard the next day that he couldn't but maybe when he's back. I gave him an out , like ' maybe doesn't feel me with confidence that you want to see me again ' but he came back with ' it's that I don't know your schedule lol'

Am I overthinking this ?? I refuse to text him until he's at least back from his trip.

I'm adding that those dates were all in one week ! And we've been talking a long time

sorry sounds as if he's loosing interest happens a lot in OLD sometimes it's because they have been window shopping and found someone else to interest them for 5 miniutes.

Have you slept with him? Maybe he was hoping for it if not and is now looking at easier options. If you have then it sounds like he's moved on having got what he wanted. Did you meet online?

Trust your instincts.

I have to say though, my life has got busy at times, I'm a loneparent who has to work FT. My DC has activities they want to do, and so do I. fitting it all in can get stressy sometimes.

Sometimes it is as simple as that.

BUT... If I said "maybe' and the 'maybe doesn't fill me with confidence' came back, even in isolation, I'd think 'oh do fuck off...'

You are coming across a bit too needy for someone you have met 4 times.

Remember texts and calls are not real and don't count in building a relationship.

You have offered him a date to meet, he hasn't taken you up on it and isn't texting you. Move on.

Find your self esteem and self worth and leave him to it.

No I haven't slept with him .

You're right guys , I am coming across needy. I appreciate your honesty :)

it's hard to keep our heads in the early days, especially if all the dates are in quick succession. you do have to keep bringing yourself back to what is real and what isn't.

Keep things light for a good few months, take nothing as read, and just be yourself.

My feeling is that he probably is seeing others, so don't invest any more in this until you see it's worth it. Let him make the running

Sounds like he's lost interest and moved on OP. It happens. Try not to chase him and next time dont over invest in somebody you barely know (easier said than done I know).

Similar happened to me, I thought it was all going well. He dumped me in the end and I ended up meeting someone a million times better. Give him time to initiate things and if he doesn't move on. When a guy really likes you there is no questioning it x

When a guy really likes you there is no questioning it - this 100%.

Sorry he just not that into you. When you really like someone you make time. He has a lunch break probably sits on the loo for 5 minutes each day. Leave the ball in his court if you push it he will pull. You will probably have your answer in about a week.

Thanks guys , helpful to see another perspective :)
Will leave him be !

When a man is interested you'll no. None of this guessing bollocks.

He's lost interest I'm afraid. I wouldn't text him anymore unless he initiates it

I guess he has, it was just so weird that we had a really great time , he asked me to pick the next activity , but said he was away this weekend and it was a busy week for him , but yah so weird ,

Never mind , I'm worth more !!

He's just not that into you

Sorry but that's the truth

Onwards OP and onto better waste no more emotions and it's hurtful I know

I've been in a similar situation OP. About 6 dates in and texting daily and then he went quiet. Now away abroad for a week - not on holiday and it could be a stressful week for hi
but has been quiet. I did attempt to back off and tried to end it but he was adamant he wasn't trying to cool it. Have arrangement to see him next week but suspect the worm has turned.

It's hard when there is no obvious reason. We're all adults. Not sure why we can't just say 'look, it's been fun but ...' then everyone knows what the score is but that's wishful thinking I guess. Until then we're stuck in the mindfuck that is modern dating 🙄

Yeah it's a horrible situation.

I got a text from him earlier talking about next weekend when he's back to meet up, but now I'm :s about it .... he's still not actively chatting , I wonder if there's another girl on the scene - which is perfectly acceptable I just want to know where I stand , ya know ?

What I can't stand is when they won't admit they are cooling off and are adamant they still want to see you - but their actions say otherwise. Total headfuck (for me).

In my experience there are a good few people out there who start getting twangs of anxiety the more they get into it and as it becomes a reality rather than the fantasy of meeting the perfect someone. All of a sudden they have a real life person to deal with, with their own expectations and wants and needs. They don't know how to deal with this so back off.

He might genuinely be busy and has mentioned next weekend. I woukd just try to chill out a bit and see how it goes. Try not to act more needy as that can ruin things. Just be on your guard but don't write anymore needing to be filked with confidence type texts. Keep your mind busy with other things and see how it is when you meet him.

I should also read my own advice as also analyse and over invest too soon op. Good luck x

Good luck to you too , I always give the best advice to friends but never seem to follow my own for myself hahaha.

Even on reading your initial post before you updated saying he has got in touch I think it's too early to make any assumptions as even although I can understand it looking like he had cooled off, his response to your message also made me think that maybe he was genuinely busy so at the moment it could go either way.

I would take it from here and if you are still interested meet him again and see how things go, however although it's hard try to take it a day at a time and don't get too emotionally involved yet.

Good luck!

It sounds like he's 'benched and breadcrumbing' you. This happened to me last year when I started OLD again after I split with my ex. It can be so confusing especially when things have seemingly started off well. With hindsight I can now pinpoint exactly when the texting and concrete date plans started to tail off (all of a sudden he was hardly ever free on weekends, only weeknights...🤔)

The breadcrumbing is confusing as it gives you false hope they're still interested, but it's to check you're still around and interested in case it doesn't work out with whoever their attention has now moved to....insurance of sorts.

Has he actually said 'ok, let's meet up again and do xyz on Saturday when I'm back' or is it just vague talk of meeting up on the weekend? You said you didn't have sex after the 4th date. He may just have been after one thing and decided not to invest any more time in 'waiting'. Either way as previous posters have said, when a man is definitely interested in you, make no mistake, you will know about it! I'd probably just not text anymore (easier said than done, I know!) and move on. If he's genuinely interested, he will make the effort.

This happened to me too and I made a dick of myself too! I don't care now though as looking back the 'relationship' was doomed from the beginning. We both behaved weirdly and rushed into things, me ignoring all red flags. The only good thing is it was such a shock to my system that it forced me to stop and take a good look at myself and why I had pursued something I knew wasn't healthy. And I knew because I felt very anxious early on and was trying to sooth it through pursuing him.

OP take the time before next weekend to really examine this anxiety he has raised in you through distancing himself. Make sure you are not feeling addicted to the person he seemed to be during the first week. Honestly in my experience of healthy relationships, people don't do the whole distancing thing if they are keen on you. And it doesn't really make sense to spend 4 wonderful dates together and then just nothing. Don't be his backup plan - you are worth more than this.