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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

thinking about leaving, very worried

55 replies

starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 21:51

Can anybody help?

The main reason I am considering leaving my husband is that he will not take no for an answer and he forces me to have sex against my will. Obviously this is frightening and upsetting. He is also abusive to the children, he shouts, pushes and pulls them, calls me names in front of them.

I am worried he may get custody of them, even part time, and I can't leave them with him, I really can't.

I also feel I am being dramatic amd should try to sort it. what does everybody think?

OP posts:
Blondie1984 · 09/07/2017 21:59

From what you've just described, you are essentially saying that your husband rapes you and is hurting your children .....I don't think any court would give him any form of custody at all - please get yourself -- and them - out of there!!

SparkleMotions · 09/07/2017 22:00

You need to leave ASAP, this guy is abusive to you and your kids, you can't stay in that environment OP Flowers

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:02

blondie some stuff I've read indicates they would. If I knew for sure they would not give him custody I would leave. but I can't be sure.

OP posts:
TwoBusyCnuts · 09/07/2017 22:03

everyone is going to say the same thing.
he is a rapist.

call the police.

SparkleMotions · 09/07/2017 22:03

You are not being dramatic and I really don't think you should stay and try and 'sort this', you need the get yourself and your DC away from him, or he will just carry on!

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:04

I can't call the police, I can't do that to him

OP posts:
Bumshkawahwah · 09/07/2017 22:04

That is absolutely horrendous. I don't have any great advice, but I think you should give Women's Aid a call.

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:06

Thanks I already have

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/07/2017 22:06

You have to call the police they will get you and your children safe. You are not doing it to him he did it to himself when he abused you and your children. You have to choose between your children and him

SparkleMotions · 09/07/2017 22:07

You need to report to Police OP! I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, but please phone them, this isn't about him, he's the one who chooses to be abusive towards you and DC, you need to think about you and your kids health and wellbeing

MadameJosephine · 09/07/2017 22:08

If you report him for raping you and abusing your children you are not going anything 'to him', he is a criminal and has brought it on himself. The police will contact children's services who will help you put s plan in place to protect yourself and your children. A sex offender and child abuser is surely unlikely to be granted custody of his children

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:10

Im not involving the police or ss

OP posts:
mellongoose · 09/07/2017 22:14

But if you get a crime reference number it will help your case. It will be on record.

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:18

I understand that but I still can't bring myself to. In any event I can't he's always around.

OP posts:
Naicehamshop · 09/07/2017 22:18

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your poor children.

isitjustme2017 · 09/07/2017 22:19

You have asked us what we think OP and we're telling you. This man is dangerous. I have no idea what incorrect information you have read that would state a rapist and abuser would get custody of kids.
If you want to put your children's safety first then you HAVE to inform the police. At the very least, go and see a Solicitor and ask their advice about custody as they are the experts.

Naicehamshop · 09/07/2017 22:19

You can't do that to him, and so you would prefer to see your children abused?

SparkleMotions · 09/07/2017 22:20

Does he not work, can you not get somewhere safe like a ; friends, relatives and then phone police when he's out of the way, I agree with PP you need to do this for your kids sake if not your own!

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:21

thats not what \i said naice

I am trying to do the right thing, there are various things online and even on here saying just because he abuses the mum doesn't mean he won't get custody of the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:21

Im not involving the police or ss.

OP posts:
isitjustme2017 · 09/07/2017 22:23

He is also abusive to the children, he shouts, pushes and pulls them

You have said yourself he abuses the kids!

pringlehand · 09/07/2017 22:25

Leave.

Original poster
starflowerrose · 09/07/2017 22:26

yes but i don't think a judge will see that as so abusive he should be denied any contact at all.

OP posts:
isitjustme2017 · 09/07/2017 22:27

Its likely that he would be given supervised access to the children which means someone has to be there.
Please see a Solicitor and get the facts instead of making assumptions and reading stuff online.

suntansally · 09/07/2017 22:28

Some of you guys can be harsh yes OP you need to leave but you must be petrified! Does he have alcohol or drug issues it's just he sounds as if he needs help himself. I just wanted to say take the harsh comments lightly, I've been fragile when posting on here and I just want you to know that even thinking about leaving is the start of the right direction, take it in stages. What happens if you say simply no to sleeping with him?

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