Lending partner money

[Rawhide]

This is a wwyd - I think I know the answer but I don't know if I'm being a bit harsh.
I have a new partner - 8 months on and going well. Before we met, I'd planned a holiday abroad with the DCs - we haven't had one for 10 years now, so it's a big deal to me.
It would be nice if DP came with us and indeed he's been talking about coming with us.
He can't afford his share (I haven't asked him, I just know the state of his finances!) and I can't afford to sub him unless I go into my 'emergency savings' pot.
Should I lend him the money (knowing it will be about 6 months before he can pay it all back) or go by myself with the DCs ??

Thank you

I wouldn't lend it to him. Neither a borrower or a lender be :)

Nope

If you do lend it, make sure you get something written saying he will repay you because if things go tits up he won't have to if it was a verbal agreement.. yes I've watched too much Judge Rinder

NO NO NO......... why is he suggesting he would like to come knowing he has no money??????
Leave him behind and enjoy yourself. Its only a holiday and will be over before you know it and then you will be home and can carry on with your relationship.

Go on your own. It's too soon to be subbing money and possibly too soon to include him in your family.

If you haven't been away with your children for so long, just enjoy it with them. Him coming along will affect the status quo. Good or bad? I don't know, but if it's in a bad way, then you'll regret it forever.

Nope. And not just because it means using your emergency savings (what if there is an emergency and you need the cash for the dcs?) but because it's your first holiday with your kids in ten years and as you say it's a big deal. You've only been with dp 8 months - go make happy memories just you and the kids.

I wouldn't lend it and I als think it's a really good idea to retain the independence that a holiday without him reinforces only 8mths in.

Also unless there are very good reasons I'd be wary of a LT relationship with someone whose finances don't stretch to covering themselves for a state of a family holiday.

Nope. 8 months is not a family. He is a boyfriend, not a partner in the sense of living together, contributing to your household, sharing finances. he can't afford a holiday whether that be with you or with his friends. Would you lend him money to go on holiday with his friends?

No, you just haven't known this man long enough to integrate him into your holiday plans and finances. You would regret it if you needed those savings.

No and ignore his musings, if he asks just say no.

Not a chance.
If his finances are really shit I would also worry about that if it were to become more serious.

8 months in?? I'd think you'd be foolish to do that

Nope. It'll poison things.

No - go without him.

If you are truly a strong couple, your time apart will make you even closer. If you're less involved than you think (and you are still in the first flush of lurve ATM, you could end up falling out and everyone will have a dreadful holiday and your first relaxation break in 10 years will be ruined and you may never get your money back.

By all means, phone, text send postcards - but don't sub him for this holiday.

Honestly, I wouldn't want mum's new boyfriend on our first big holiday in 10 years. And your emergency savings are 1. Yours and 2. For emergencies.

You haven't had a holiday with the DC in 10 years.

I wouldn't have a boyfriend of 8 months coming along, whether he could afford it or not.

Another nope.

If you haven't had a holiday in 10 years then I presume you are not rolling in money. You've saved up for a long time for this. Go and enjoy it. Your savings are security for you and the children.

I don't actually like the way he's been talking about coming, knowing full well that he can't afford to do so. It would put me off him to be honest. All the more reason to be cautious.

Can you just imagine looking back at the photos of your first family holiday in 10 years and every single one has that skint flint guy mum dated for a few months in them.

Indeed he's been talking about coming with us.
He can't afford his share

Red flag in your face right there.

Cocklodger in the making.

No, don't pay for his company. Slippery slope.

Wow so many replies already
I think I agree with you all - too soon for him to be coming anyway, and too soon to be lending money.
He's broke because his business failed shortly before we got together, but tbh I'm a single mum, I don't have spare money to be flashing around - I've saved for 3 years for a holiday - no one is ruining it for me!!!!

Nope not a hope!

Good decision!

You and your DC's will have a GREAT time!

No way. When he's talked about joining you, what exactly has he said? if he's assuming you'll pay his share that's a big red flag.

My partner has more money than me and pays for me to go away with his kids in exchange for the convenience of having another adult there to help but this did not happen until we’d been together for a long time and we knew we were serious. I didn’t go away with the DC for about 2 years and the first time was just a festival, which we built up to a proper holiday after another year.