Lending partner money

[Rawhide]

This is a wwyd - I think I know the answer but I don't know if I'm being a bit harsh.
I have a new partner - 8 months on and going well. Before we met, I'd planned a holiday abroad with the DCs - we haven't had one for 10 years now, so it's a big deal to me.
It would be nice if DP came with us and indeed he's been talking about coming with us.
He can't afford his share (I haven't asked him, I just know the state of his finances!) and I can't afford to sub him unless I go into my 'emergency savings' pot.
Should I lend him the money (knowing it will be about 6 months before he can pay it all back) or go by myself with the DCs ??

Thank you

So he has given you the impression he wants to go yet has no money to pay for it?

NOOOOOOO, he should not even be suggesting going if he can't pay his share, especially when you have children to pay for, cheeky git, don't do it!

Let him borrow of family, not you, who he has only know for 8 months, he's not sounding great OP.

Hell to the no!

Next time he says it would be nice of him to come along, ask him how he intends to pay for it

Don't let the cock lodge

Well done, OP.

Just to pick up on this "too soon to be lending him money".

Don't ever lend him money. He either pays his way or he misses out. You're a single mum with kids to support. I'd be at any person who would expect you to lend them money. At any time.

No no no.

No on both counts.

1. He doesn't have the money. It's only been 8 months - he isn't a long term partner or even someone you truly know!! He's hinting to come knowing you'd have to sub him? Big red flag I'm afraid - a decent person at this stage in a relationship WOULDN'T be 'mentioning' coming along in that situation. Not great.

1. It's only been 8 months. Really, he shouldn't be familiar enough with your children yet to come anyway. This is their holiday, their family time with their mum. Not mum plus new man they don't really know. Don't go down that route. It shouold be a loooong time before 'family holidays' are on the cards. Your kids come first here.

8 months is nothing. But it's the danger zone where it kind of feels it is. But it ISN'T (and it certainly won't feel like it for your kids). It's also the very enlightening zone where people start letting their guard down, and you start seeing who they really are. So apply that to this situation and it gives you an interesting insight into his thought processes.

Ooh cross posted. Good call OP.

Watch out for cocklodger behaviour, too.

Good decision.

If he's a keeper then there'll be opportunity for a family holiday together in the future. Right now this is a treat for you and your children that you've worked hard for. There's no need for him to join you this time even if he could pay his way.

No way.

Nope.
Never lend anything you would miss if you never got it back. I think lending money is particularly sensitive and can change the dynamic of a relationship. He can't afford it, tough, and you'd be mad to use your emergency funds on this.

Thanks all my cocklodger antenna is up anyway - keeping an eye on it!
sigh one of these days I'll find a bloke who has his shit together!!

Ooh a free holiday can I come? 😛

Agree it's a no!