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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP disappeared!

40 replies

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 08:08

I've been with my boyfriend for 16 months, we've been on/off in that time largely due to the fact we're long distance and it's been difficult fitting that in around us both working and my children. He's very introverted and will often withdraw for a few days but I can usually see when this is imminent.

This weekend we met halfway in between and had a spa break, I left him at 2pm Saturday and all was fine apart from he's really hurt his back. He text a few times Saturday aft to let me know he's got home etc, and then nothing! His phone has been switched off from 6pm Saturday and none of my WhatsApp delivered. He's not been on Facebook.

I'm worried sick he's ill or something and I can't get in touch, he's in the forces and due in this morning after 3 weeks off, I'm assuming somebody will question it if he doesn't turn up.

I can't decide if I'm just being overly anxious, we usually WhatsApp every day several times, and I've never known his phone to be off. it has had me awake most of the night. And if he's not Ill I'll bloody kill him for putting me through this just cause he can't be arsed to communicate, any advice?

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2017 08:11

It sounds like his phone's broken.

blueskyinmarch · 26/06/2017 08:12

Is it possible his phone is broken and he is unable to contact you?

TurnipCake · 26/06/2017 08:14

No man is worth you getting so anxious over. You are going to feel the fool if he has done a disappearing special and you've lost sleep over it

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2017 08:15

I wouldn't expect this level of accountability to a short term casual partner tbh

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 08:24

If his phone was broken I'm assuming he could Facebook/email off his iPad.

I know I overthink things I'm a nightmare.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2017 08:26

I don't think 16 months is a short term causal partner. Even if he was, it's unpleasant to not give a fuck about another human who could be in trouble.

Op, little you can do. I'm sorry.

blueskyinmarch · 26/06/2017 08:26

Does going back to the forces after time off stress him? Could he have gone off grid to try and psych himself into the right headspace for returning. Distancing himself as a means of protecting himself emotionally?

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2017 08:33

16 months on and off. And I suppose I am thinking back to when I had a long distance relationship, we weren't in constant contact because we couldn't be. So we used to o days without being on contact.

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 08:34

I also wouldn't class us as casual, like I say I know sometimes he does need some distance and we've learnt to recognise that.

But he knows I stress and he knows full well I'll be worried, he was hospitalised a few weeks ago so I think I'm worrying about that too. It's just so fucking selfish if he's knowingly gone off grid without a single text.

We were mid conversation about gardening!

OP posts:

jargonfreezone · 26/06/2017 08:40

Looking at his occupation, I think there may be issues in that area affecting DP that he has not discussed with you, and his dropping off the grid may be intentional.

It's a conversation you will need to have for the sake of your relationship.

PetalMettle · 26/06/2017 08:43

My ex did this after 6 months. I got an email after a week saying he just couldn't do commitment. He told me he'd done it before and gone abroad and an ex had got the police to break into his flat.
Hope it gets sorted

CatThiefKeith · 26/06/2017 08:45

What a worry. Do you know any of his friends that you could get to check on him?

CremeFresh · 26/06/2017 09:00

My ex used to do this to , he was also in the forces . He was full on and then radio silence . He was given to sulking too.

Not much you can do really , unless you can ask his family or friends .

snackarella · 26/06/2017 09:06

Family or friends?

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 09:09

His family & best friend are all up here where I am, the only person down there is his ex wife! The only work colleague I know is no longer at the same camp.

His occupation definitely causes issues but he's just been promoted and not due to deploy so can't think why he'd be stressed about work.

I've found a number for his next door neighbour, am I going to look a complete nutter if I ring him this afternoon and just explain and ask if his car is on the drive?

OP posts:

Nowaynowjose · 26/06/2017 09:11

Was his hospitalisation for something likely to recur? If not, he's probably just compartmentalising. Leave is done, back into work mode. Does he normally communicate much while away? Is he just on base or is he deploying?

MrsMozart · 26/06/2017 09:13

Has anyone else heard from him? If not then I'd go the neighbour route. Disclaimer: I'm not very good at not being pro-active, although it's only once got me inyo trouble. Hope he's okay.

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 09:15

He's on base, has a house in the area, completely normal for us.

He would normally send a pic/message first thing.

It's the phone being off that worries me, in the past if he's been in a mood I can see he's on Facebook etc so I'm not worried. I've never known him switch his phone off

OP posts:

MrsMozart · 26/06/2017 09:17

Hopefully is a simple case of phone dying, or he's done something daft like carrying phone and iPad and somehow dropped both into the bath (trust me, that has happened and expensive it was!).

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 09:59

Fingers crossed! I've still heard nothing, I'm trying not to overreact but just keep thinking what if he's had an accident etc.

OP posts:

HildaOg · 26/06/2017 10:08

I think you should call the neighbour if you're worried. A friend of mine was found dead a couple of days after hitting the back of his head in a drunken fall, I don't say that to worry you, I say it because I really think that while the chances are he's just depressed and gone hibernating, it is possible there's another explanation and a quick check up will do no harm.

joannegrady90 · 26/06/2017 10:09

It's only Monday, you heard from him on Saturday...

Do you think he may be going off you op? Harsh I know but worth a thought.

BatFacedGirl · 26/06/2017 10:16

He sounds rude and like he really couldn't care less about you

I doubt very much he's lying injured somewhere with his phone and iPad out of reach. I suspect he's treating you like shit purely because he feels like it

You are worth so much more than being picked up and put down like this. He has a history of blowing hot and cold with you. I wouldn't be contacting neighbours under these circumstances but I would be contemplating whether I wanted a life with this moody fucker who runs rings round you when he wants to

HildaOg · 26/06/2017 10:16

I read that wrong, I thought it was longer... Maybe leave it a few days.

Original poster

NoBloodyMore · 26/06/2017 10:29

He's just text, "I'm ok, just having my usual blip" I've just text back & told him to fuck off, he's forever blowing hot and cold like this it is utterly shit, then next week he'll be besotted with me again. Whenever I've ended things in the past for this exact reason he lasts a week before he's back on the full on charm offensive, I'm too old for these stupid games, he's clearly got some kind of depression but he won't acknowledge it.

OP posts:

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