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Original poster

First ever online date - not sure?!

47 replies

ScouseBird8364 · 13/06/2017 07:25

Met up with my first ever online date yesterday from OkCupid. It was great - he was so chatty (which eased my nerves!), decent guy, not cocky, hard working, loving dad etc., etc.,

Anyway, I really don't know if I am being way too shallow here (in fact, I probably am!) but........would it bother you that he doesn't drive, yet has a brand new iPhone 7 and spends a fortune as a regular cinema-goer?! Should a man of 38 be aspiring to spend his money on driving lessons by now as opposed to technology and the cinema? Hmm

He is a genuinely lovely guy, plus we had a lovely kiss (or 5, ha!) and he's also a nice kisser (veeeerrrrryyyy important!) Wink

Am I just being shallow and picky? HmmConfusedBlush

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 13/06/2017 07:28

I think you'll get a plethora of opinions however the only one that really counts is yours. When I've been single & has approaches I've been really picky & your reasons sound a lot less shallow than mine. Good luck

mollibu · 13/06/2017 07:30

It's completely up to you. I've always said (when it comes to driving) that I wouldn't date a man who didn't drive if I couldn't drive. But now that I can drive it doesn't bother me now :)

Onceafortnight · 13/06/2017 07:36

I find a lot of poeple in London don't drive as they don't need to. I don't think it would bother me unless he used it as an excuse for not meeting up. As for his love of iPhones and cinema, he would be right up my street!

SleightOfHand · 13/06/2017 07:37

You sound very young, as time passes these such things will be the least of your worries.

rizlett · 13/06/2017 07:44

It would bother me - I'd see it as a lack of independence.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 13/06/2017 07:45

He probably enjoys the Iphone and cinema trips more than he would enjoy the worry and expense of a car. At 38 surely he can spend the money he earns on things he enjoys Wink wouldn't bother me at all, public transport is readily available almost everywhere now.

TheStoic · 13/06/2017 07:46

I would never date someone who didn't drive...but I live in Australia and I have never met a male over 18 who doesn't drive.

I don't really get the link to what he spends his money on though?

Onceafortnight · 13/06/2017 07:46

I worked out that even if I got taxis everywhere it would cost me way less than running a car.

AnnaRacks · 13/06/2017 07:50

I don't drive either (although I can, in theory) and have a brand new Iphone7. I'm a real catch!

I live in London and it doesn't make sense financially for me to keep a car. Maybe he's the same.

It's your first date - so you don't know yet that it's very rare to meet someone that you fancy and like on your first date. I'd see him again if I were you!

wobblywonderwoman · 13/06/2017 07:50

I would probably find it a bit strange - everybody I know drives but you have to here. Only one bus a day.

If it is London - different story.

AlcoholandIrony · 13/06/2017 07:51

I'm with Naze.

Doesn't really matter what we think.
I suspect at 38 he has his transportation sorted.

Stuck16 · 13/06/2017 07:54

I didn't pass my test til I was 27- lived in London so didn't need to drive as could get everywhere on public transport.
If you live in an area where it's easy to walk places or loads of public transport then that's probably why he doesn't drive- and why he has the money for an iPhone 7 and cinema habit!

cakecakecheese · 13/06/2017 08:02

I'm 36 and I don't drive. I've tried but it's just safer for the world if I don't!

Flyinggeese · 13/06/2017 08:06

Ooh tricky. If you had a good date (and the kissing' good too!) I'd be tempted to see him again.

Suppose it depends why he doesn't drive... If it's because he relies on others giving him a lift and has never bothered learning because of this, not attractive. If it's because he has a condition (e.g. Epilepsy) that means he literally can't get a licence... no problem.

Don't rule him out because cause of this.

If he asked you for a second date would you go?

ShatnersWig · 13/06/2017 08:10

Whoa! You said he DOESN'T drive. You didn't say he CAN'T drive. Which of the two actually is it? They're quite different. How he spends his money is totally up to him - you say he should spend it on driving lessons, which would be pointless if he CAN drive but choose NOT to because, for example, he lives in London. I know loads of people in their 30s London who either decided not to learn to drive because public transport is so plentiful. Maybe he's epileptic.

I live in a relatively rural area and I wouldn't date someone who didn't or couldn't drive if they lived very away as it can be a nightmare. London? Wouldn't bother me in the least.

wesleybear83 · 13/06/2017 08:10

Why does he need to drive, driving is a choice not compulsory. I don't drive and my husband doesn't. Firstly I like traveling by train as it less stressful and I also don't agree with the cost of having a car.

Besides he may have a good reason that he doesn't want to drive like my husband who has fits.

Sometimes if your too picky you will be looking for Mr right forever

Auldspinster · 13/06/2017 08:58

I'm 42 tomorrow and have never driven, I live in Edinburgh which has great public transport and have never felt the need to learn.

niceupthedance · 13/06/2017 09:03

It would put me off a bit, as in previous relationships it was tiring to do all the driving to holidays, relatives etc. But I wouldn't rule someone out purely on that basis.

Original poster
ScouseBird8364 · 13/06/2017 09:26

Just to clarify, it's not London, though probably pretty obvious by my name! So the transport links are good I guess, I just always felt it was more 'manly' ConfusedBlush Don't shoot me guys, I'm cringing inside just writing that; that's why I do feel like I may be being a bit lot shallow Blush

Can't remember who the poster was who suggested I seem really young, but I'm not unfortunately ha ha, 34 Blush

To the poster who said if I'm being too picky and therefore may be looking for MR Right forever - you are correct, and this is ny concern, but thankyou for pointing it out, it's what I need - I can always count on you guys WinkSmileFlowers

OP posts:
StripeyLass · 13/06/2017 09:34

It would be a deal breaker for me @ScouseBird8364 I dated someone who didn't drive for years and after a particularly nasty accident at home I had to call my dad to drive to me A&E as my long term partner couldn't. Not sexy, not helpful. For me (personally) it's about being another adult in and adult relationship and being able to take care of the family when it's needed. Everyone's different though, has to be what's important to you.

Dieu · 13/06/2017 09:38

Hi. I am nearly 43 and can't drive. It wasn't through lack of trying ... I sat my test 8 times! It simply wasn't meant to be, and I really didn't enjoy the whole thing.
Like Auldspinster I am in Edinburgh. Even if I could drive, it would cost a fortune to run a car here (parking permits etc) and the parking can be a nightmare, particularly when you're as close to the city centre as I am.
Now, I know this sounds completely hypocritical, but I would be slightly put off by a man who couldn't drive. I too see it as a bit unattractive in a man.
That said, I have been doing online dating for some months now, and trust me, when you come to see what's out there over time, you would regret using this as an excuse to dump someone!!

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2017 09:43

It's more manly to drive?!

I think if he's otherwise a nice guy then you shouldn't give up on him yet

Northernpowerhouse · 13/06/2017 09:55

It would be a dealbreaker for me too - same reasons as Stripey

SleightOfHand · 13/06/2017 10:54

This is one of the silliest reasons I've heard of to cut off a potential connection with someone.

NotJanine · 13/06/2017 10:59

If you live in a City then I don't suppose it is too unusual. I would be curious though if he'd never learned.
I actually admire someone who doesn't drive, much better for the environment.

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