First ever online date - not sure?!

[ScouseBird8364]

Met up with my first ever online date yesterday from OkCupid. It was great - he was so chatty (which eased my nerves!), decent guy, not cocky, hard working, loving dad etc., etc.,

Anyway, I really don't know if I am being way too shallow here (in fact, I probably am!) but........would it bother you that he doesn't drive, yet has a brand new iPhone 7 and spends a fortune as a regular cinema-goer?! Should a man of 38 be aspiring to spend his money on driving lessons by now as opposed to technology and the cinema?

He is a genuinely lovely guy, plus we had a lovely kiss (or 5, ha!) and he's also a nice kisser (veeeerrrrryyyy important!)

Am I just being shallow and picky?

Do you know why he doesn't drive?

I'm totally bored by cars, live in London and love cycling, so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to have a date who didn't drive.

However, I wouldn't like it if he couldn't drive. I'm with the other posters who said it's about being manly, independent and able to take care of his woman and/or children.

Plus, I've been in a long term relationship with a non driver who was also a helpless, moaning mummy's boy. Don't want to go there again!

My DH didnt learn till he was 50 (and I dont drive) we have lived in lots of places where driving was a liability and not really 100% necessary. I think to be honest OP its the least of your worries unless its because "you" dont drive and want an on hand chauffeur.

I drive, it's something I was very ambitious about since I was a little girl (it's a passion actually), so guess I just find it a little strange when guys have never had the will to learn (he hasn't, btw, though not sure why) x

I think the reason why would be my deciding factor. I know someone who doesn't drive because his brother died in a crash. Sorry a bit heavy for this but there may be a genuine reason behind it. However if it's just because he can't be bothered.....

Although if he has a kid , how do they get around?!? Looks like you need more dates to find out 🙄

Although if he has a kid , how do they get around?!? Bus, train, coach, bike, walk, taxi. My sons grown now but ever since he's been little I've not had a car, never stopped us going anywhere. Been all over the place/country.

I'd explore more on a second date and see how you get on. I'd prefer a guy to drive but if he was lovely I'd overlook it.

Ffs shag him first, worry about the car later!

Far easier to teach someone to drive than to kiss.......

wherearemymarbles *YOU are the reason I love Mumsnet Can always count on you guys

Not driving isn't too much of an issue...I've dumped someone that had a driving licence and drove a car, but was such a hideously useless driver (as in couldn't master the clutch despite years of driving)!

Deal breaker for me but has I known I wouldn't have gone on the date. But that's me I'm not you op or anyone else

A couple of my exes couldn't drive and I found it a real issue as it was always me driving to them, drinking Coke while they had pints and in the end it just felt like me making all the effort. My now husband had an ex who didn't drive too, and he said the same thing. To me, it created an imbalance that eventually tires me out as I'd finish work and then have to drive, then drop them off at home, then drive back (these were established relationships, I didn't play taxi driver for anyone and everyone!). But if that is the only stumbling block, I'd run with it and see what happens.

*tired me out.

I can't drive have no depth perception due to a lazy eye.
I'm shocked by how others view non drivers
I'm very independent in every aspect of my life but because I can't drive am I viewed as a lesser individual?
Some people are just hopeless drivers others maybe just cannot afford it there are many reasons why someone might not drive as another poster said it's not compulsory is it?

I tried to learn to drive when i was 17. That was 27 years ago and i stopped because i was too nervous behind the wheel.

Do people really want nervous drivers on the roads?

It wouldn't bother me, unless he started treating me like a taxi or I always had to meet up close to his place.

Loads of people get by just fine without cars.

It would be a deal breaker for me too. Learning to drive has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It took me 7 attempts before I passed me test and cost me hundreds of pounds in the process. I think it's an essential life skill and not being able to drive would put me off a potential partner. My stepfather doesn't drive and my DM suffers from ill health, I've seen the problems this has caused her when she has had to ask neighbours for lifts to hospital appointments etc. We all have different ideas when it comes to what is acceptable/unacceptable to us. It's not quite up there as definite no's such as having tattoos, voting Tory/Brexit, being racist and homophobic though but still a factor.

why is it a life skill when you have public transport which is on your doorstep especially in city's like London.

I always swore I'd never be with a man that couldn't drive.. then I met my DP, who can't drive, and I liked him to much for it to be an issue :)

I live close to a large city and wouldn't describe the public transport here as being reliable in any way. I had to take my daughter to A&E during the last bank holiday weekend, there was no public transport at that time and I know from others I spoke to in the waiting room that there was at least an hour wait for all local taxi companies. If I hadn't been able to drive it would have been a nightmare to get my daughter to hospital.

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me but I would be wary. Always being the designated driver whenever going out anywhere (especially with poor public transport) gets tiresome. Same with going out drinking. So unless a date was prepared to share driving - me drive one time, they pay for a taxi the next - then it wouldn't work. Would a non-driver be prepared to fork out for a taxi every-other time? Not sure when dating long term. I'd suggest see him again and get a sense of how he deals with it.