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Original poster

Text to the ex

40 replies

Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 01:30

I was looking up something on DP's phone (with his permission) and double clicked the home button to close the browser.

The next window open was messages. He had text his ex to say "be nice to see you"

They have been split up about 2 and a half years and we have been together for 2. They don't talk much that I know of or see each other apart from sorting the house out that they owned together. He is in the process of buying her out.

I didn't read the rest of the messages because I got freaked out the fact that I obviously wasn't supposed to see this. I don't think it's a big deal but I feel a bit uncomfortable for some reason...no reason not to trust him though.

What would you think? Should I say something?

OP posts:
taraer · 10/06/2017 01:43

Fucking right you should say something.
Hugs by the way
Not nice to see
And there was previous messages and replies you haven't read ?
Xx

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 01:45

Thank you xx at least I feel normal for feeling angry!

Yeah I didn't read anything else I just freaked out... I'm too crap to go through his phone I wouldn't have the chance and if I did I would just be shitting myself and accidentally text her or something lol.

How can I say something without starting an argument? Or is that the only way to have it out?

OP posts:
jemmstar1980 · 10/06/2017 01:46

This is when the it absolutely doesn't matter if you was on snoop patrol you have the right to bring it up clause applies

jemmstar1980 · 10/06/2017 01:48

On a rational note if he really had something to hide he wouldn't let you within a mile of your phone :)

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 01:50

Jem that's what I was thinking! He actually passed me his phone and said here look it up on mine. He told me the (correct) passcode and everything. Erghhh

OP posts:
taraer · 10/06/2017 01:53

Just be honest and say you closed the windows and it popped up ?
At the end of the day he can't say anything because he's in the wrong for one and he also allowed you to go on his phone.

It's the whole ex thing that gets me it's awful to text a random but not someone with previous history
Try not to be angry which I know is hard at this point xx

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 10/06/2017 01:58

Seems like a pretty polite thing to say?

She says: "We need to sign these papers on Tuesday. See you then." He says: "Be nice to see you."

He did not say, "be nice to sleep with you", or "nice tits, love", or "is the hotel booked?"

Calm down. I think if you snoop in his phone you'll see it's totally innocent. Probably better for your relationship to do that than fess up and have him think you don't trust him.

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 01:58

Thank you, the fact you think he's in the wrong have made me realise I have every right to question it. In the calmest way possible! I bet I know what he will say though "just trying to be friendly" etc etc blah blah. We'll see.

OP posts:
jemmstar1980 · 10/06/2017 01:59

you have a few choices

  1. Carry out a full snoop patrol on the texts as soon as he leaves his phone alone.
  2. Decide you trust him and doesn't matter what's in the text exchange and forget about it
  3. Explain you saw the text and asks him what he means and explain it's hurt your feelings
  4. Explain you've seen the text and your cut his dick off if he even thinks it will be nice to see his ex, and tell her your post her head to her mum first class if she thinks about messing with your man?
Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 02:00

Iwasjustabouttosaythat You are right, but I just want to say that I saw it. I will be calm but if there's anything he wants to say that's the opportunity to say it.

OP posts:
taraer · 10/06/2017 02:02

Yeah it's true could of been polite but still not nice to see being his current gf xx

taraer · 10/06/2017 02:05

He might just show you and it might be innocent and nothing maybe don't got all guns blazing lol xx which to be honest you don't sound like that type anyway and he obviously doesn't mind you using his phone and in the first post you put there's been nothing prior to this xx

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 02:05

Jem haha I think you have summed up all m emotions starting with 4 and after a deep breath going with 3!

I do trust him but if there's something I need to know then he can tell me..or lie.

Thank you for all your advice, we will see.. He is actually amazing so I may end up bottling it but that's why I feel so shit about seeing this.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/06/2017 02:05

I don't think he's wrong to want to catch up with his ex.

As long as he's not cheating or lying about his activities, what's the problem?

taraer · 10/06/2017 02:07

No suppose not but maybe it was just a friendly reply and if so then there nothing to worry about zz

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 02:09

Taraer you have definitely made me feel calmer about the situation. It was just a bit weird to see.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 02:11

Whattodo good point, but I am going to mention I've seen it, just in a very casual way like are you meeting up with X to sort house stuff etc

OP posts:
taraer · 10/06/2017 02:12

Good I'm happy to of helped.
Just get some sleep and see how you feel in the morning he might be able to see you have something on your mind.
You didn't really snoop like most people would of read it all and checked the history so you seem pretty screwed on xx

sobeyondthehills · 10/06/2017 02:19

Just going to say if he is buying her out, its probably best he stays friendly no matter his feelings on it.

jemmstar1980 · 10/06/2017 02:20

i guess you need to decide if it is worth a potential arguement, as you've said he is amazing, you trust him.....and he's not said I can't wait to stick my dick in you or I can't wait to see you. Deep breath.....I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.

Changedname3456 · 10/06/2017 06:47

Fuck me taraer... someone says "be nice to see you" to an ex and it's World War 3? Don't you think that's a touch controlling? Particularly as literally nothing else OP has seen or "feels" backs up the suspicion it's dodgy?

What happened to the normal posters who think it's none of a partner's business about who they talk to? The ones who are still civil with exPs and occasionally talk to them or meet them for coffee?

I'd be careful, OP. What goes around comes around - will he now have the right to vet what you text/say and to whom?

taraer · 10/06/2017 07:42

Read what I wrote yeah it could be normal yet maybe not ?!
All I seen was be nice to see you and it brought back things

Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 07:48

I certainly won't be controlling who he sees or speak to. It was just odd to see because he hasn't mentioned meeting her.

I wasn't actively looking through messages so was just seeing what you would think, so really appreciate your opinion. I think what I needed was to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and like it's been said is it worth mentioning. I'll see!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ermnothanks · 10/06/2017 07:51

On the other hand I wouldn't be saying that to my ex...he cheated on my and I was blindsighted so I might just be overly sensitive now.

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 10/06/2017 10:33

I wouldn't freak out as I think his message is polite.It's the sort of thing a previous ex would text me and that's because we both respect each other but absolutely no feelings involved.

It could actually be a good sign, as my stbxh (I now realise) felt contempt for his ex and guess what...he's doing the same to me.

I think you need to raise it but turn the tables first and think how you would like to be asked that question.