Text to the ex

[Ermnothanks]

I was looking up something on DP's phone (with his permission) and double clicked the home button to close the browser.

The next window open was messages. He had text his ex to say "be nice to see you"

They have been split up about 2 and a half years and we have been together for 2. They don't talk much that I know of or see each other apart from sorting the house out that they owned together. He is in the process of buying her out.

I didn't read the rest of the messages because I got freaked out the fact that I obviously wasn't supposed to see this. I don't think it's a big deal but I feel a bit uncomfortable for some reason...no reason not to trust him though.

What would you think? Should I say something?

Don't drop silly hints like are you meeting her about the paperwork.

Just tell him "I saw 'be nice to see you', obviously I didn't read anything else, but you know what? It surprised me that it shook me a bit"
Then let him respond.

I see my last ex all the time - we're alone in my house all day as he's a builder who still works for me. We chat about our kids, we send infrequent funny links to each other. He still has "his mug" in my house (we didn't live together). It is nice to see him. I like him. My fiancé is fine with it - he knows I only want him. If my fiancé was shaken by a message like that, I'd reassure him.

It's a shame you didn't see the context.

He could show you the conversation and it be normal and just a nice reply younhave said you trust him and he feels the same to let you look through his phone think I've just had a horrible ex years ago which made me respond the way I did
Xx

omg - I think you are crazy! It is such a normal thing to say - I say it to people all the time (but don't usually mean it!)

He is going to think you are crazy if you bring it up.

I'm with 14715

He's done nothing wrong

I think you definitely should ask him about it, however you can't go in all guns blazing - he might not have done anything wrong. It's a big assumption.

He gave you his phone to use and I'm guessing you've never had reason to doubt him before?

Just ask him about it. With accusations.

without accusations*

I don't think he's done anything wrong. It's good that he's civil with his ex. The less drama and the more civilised the better, don't you think?

I'm on good terms with several exes, including exDH. My partner is not really on good terms with his exDW but they still speak and text in a polite way to each other about their children.

He's done absolutely nothing wrong. You're being very unreasonable. He has every right to have a civil, friendly relationship with a woman who, presumably, once was a great friend to him.

I'm still friends with my exDP and my exH. The relationships didn't work out, but that doesn't mean they're terrible people who should be exised from my life. I wouldn't let an insecure boyfriend tell me otherwise; in fact I'd show them the door for this kind of controlling behaviour.

My dp and I both share our phones I trust him completely but I don't think I'd like to see that bit giving the circumstances of the house they once i had he may just be keeping her sweet can be messy all the house thing.
The ex I had years ago was messaging his but they were clearly feeling still involved in that and was horrible to see I never confronted him but we didn't last xx

Like you says he's amazing to you :) so he loves you

Thanks everyone x

I'm not being unreasonable for feeling a certain way lol but thank you for your advice. I'm not crazy because it's not like I threw the phone at the wall screaming. I have been cheated on before so I may be more sensitive to seeing something like this than I would be if I hadn't.

I didn't want to read the context because I didn't feel right snooping because I do trust him and it felt weird to.

Really appreciate all your advice. Had a think and just left it. I couldn't see what it would achieve, because I don't want him to stop texting her and I don't want him to not have a friendship, so I'll just leave it.

Taraer I think we have similar experiences, you've been saying what I'm thinking! X

Ellisandra that summed it up brilliantly :)

You say he's written "it will be nice to see you" and you've posted about it on here. I have never met your husband, but you have a life with him and know how he is around or about the ex. You know the truth already whatever it is. Trust yourself and your instincts. Xx

Sorry, OP, I didn't mean to say your feelings are unreasonable. They are what they are: they're neither reasonable nor unreasonable.

However, it would be unreasonable to demand your DP constructs his life according to your insecurities. I think you've definitely made the right choice in deciding to let it go.

Absolutely agree girly. Itisi you are right, and if other things pop up over time we will see but I'm going to try and let it go and just enjoy our relationship.

Really appreciate everyone's advice x