Almost 1 year anniversary of our Engagememt and...

[gillybeandramaqueen]

...not ONE discussion since then about marriage generally or weddings or anything related.......

IS THIS WEIRD?????????

Very. Have you not broached it?

Yes. Why is that? Didn't you discuss dates/timescales when you decided to get married?

Yes. Why haven't you set a date when you got engaged? Have you had a discussion about dates? Was the engagement after you had mentioned marriage a few times? I would wonder if it was just a watts buy time...

Yes, it's weird. Your poor fiancé must be thinking it's really odd that you haven't said anything to him.

Er well yeah that is weird. Presumably when you got engaged (a concept I don't quite understand but each to their own) you discussed it then?
When you say not one discussion have you brought it up and he avoids getting into it? Or are you waiting for him to bring it up - and if so, why?

Er, why haven't you mentioned it?

I don't think it's wierd, my husband and I were engaged for 7 years before we got married 2 years ago! Have you tried to initiate the wedding conversation? Why don't you start by mentioning a nice venue you've seen or who you will choose to be bridesmaids just to start it off...see his reaction.

He brought it up after 4 years together and 2 kids and no discussion up to that point. He proposed. I said yes. Nothing for 2 months. Then I brought it up but he was too tired after work one night to chat about it and jumped down my throat. Now almost one year (next week).... and nothing since. No idea when or how or if it will actually happen. It feels like he just proposed without any thought or intention behind it or consideration for what would or should happen post-proposal.....

It's a bit odd to wait two months isn't it? When you discuss the prospect of getting married with your partner, and agree that yes you'd like to do that, don't you at that point talk about possible dates, or at least vague timescale?

I don't get why keep waiting for him to take the lead on this. Start a conversation.

How did you get engaged and not talk about it for two months? I don't get it.

Could it be something like, money that prevents him discussing it? Is he worried about the financial side of planning a wedding? I know that's the reason we waited so long! I think you need to ask him outright, are we getting bloody married or not?! Xx

Very weird. His heart's not in it.

When your man wants to get married, you know it. I promise.

'I said yes. Nothing for 2 months.'
Were you in a coma? Or in prison, was he on a submarine, overwintering in Alaska?

Op you need to think about whether the communication between you and your partner is actually working. I'm guessing you don't find it very easy to talk to him?

Do you want to get married? Do you have trouble communicating. Sounds like a bit of a game to you waiting to see when he'll raise it. If it's important to you, tell him & give some options as to what you'd like to do

We had a lot going on at that time and were coming out of a bad year... I think I was a wee bit scared to jump right into the nitty gritty details with him... but then that's why I eventually brought it up 2 months later... like... ok so we got engaged a few months ago what's the plan? But it wasn't well received..... yeah I do kinda feel his heart can't be in it.....

The closest we got was a few weeks ago when I went to a family friend's wedding and he asked me if it had given me an idea for our venue to which I was surprised and replied that no I hadn't been thinking about it at all because he and I had never had any discussions about it...

Yes it's weird.

Why did he jump down your throat about talking about a wedding?

So last time he brought it up you said you hadn't been thinking about it?!

You need to decide what you want. I don't get when people act like this. You're clearly unhappy but you want to him to guess why and you've told him you weren't thinking about it when you were. Why is starting wedding discussion all his responsibility?

He said he was really tired from work that day and I was 'busting his nut' about it..... (I hand on heart wasn't... I was only asking him if he had thought about a timescale when he had proposed)...

It's true that I have never given wedding venues a direct thought... and it's not all his responsibility to bring it up... I did one time and it wasn't well received so I feel it's his turn to bring it up when he's ready... but how long do I wait?

He did bring it up a few weeks ago and you shut him down.

Sometimes it is easier to be loaded off at someone for not doing something you having told them you want them to do than to be a grown up and talk to them.

So you brought it up 2 months later and he was an arse about it and then ignored it for another 10 months

Why would you marry someone you can't talk to?

Oh dear, you two are crap at communication aren't you. I completely understand that you were annoyed and upset at his reaction when you tried to raise the subject before. He was being an arse. But then to not mention it for 10 months because it was his turn to raise the subject is bizarre.

So he's now raised the subject by mentioning wedding venues and you gave him a stroppy reply. Do you think he'll now sulk for the next 10 months like you did?

You are never going to get married (and probably shouldn't), if you can't even plan your wedding like normal adults.

Do you want to marry him? If you do, start researching venues now and stop being so pathetic.

Hmmm, you don't sound that eager to get married. Start a hood with sections of ideas for venue, budget, food, guests etc & jot down your ideas then ask if he wants to look at it & add his. Encourage him to say what he wants even if they're wildly different to yours & you'll work it out together