As the title says, my husband has just been diagnosed with ADHD. At first I was so happy that there was an explanation for his bizarre, often selfish and sometimes dangerous behaviour. Our marriage has been in crisis for some time. We have very young children and no support at all. I could go on for hours about some of the things he's done; substance abuse, running up huge debts, speeding, losing job after job, being messy and chaotic, and just being wrapped up in his own little world, ignoring me and my needs.
Since the initial burst of happiness and hope I got with his diagnosis, I just feel like I've been plunged into this pit of despair because things will never get better. He'll be like this forever. He is resistant to taking medication, and his psychiatrist said he can't start therapy until he is on meds as his brain isn't calm enough. I just don't think I can cope with his behaviour for the rest of my life. I know it's not his fault but I am so stressed and angry about having to do everything, remember everything, organize everything. Even the tiny things I ask him to do he can't seem to manage. For instance, this morning I was taking the kids out for the day, I'd organized everyone, fed them, got them dressed, sorted the house out while he slept, then I asked him to watch the baby for a few minutes while I showered. Came out of the shower and the baby was in the cot screaming and my husband was in the garden on the phone. This kind of thing happens all the time. I know it isn't deliberate but how can I live like this? I can't trust him to do anything. We are fighting all the time, we've had a few big fights in front of the kids and I just feel so helpless. I'm on edge all the time. Is there anybody out there who can give me any advice? I don't want to break up my family but I'm really struggling to cope right now.