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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband (stepdad)and daughter do not get on

48 replies

Princessofessex · 22/05/2017 21:35

My first time in here,please be gentle!
So, been with my dh for 10 years (married for 3) I have dd (14)
We constantly row over her disapline he thinks I'm too soft on her but I think he's to harsh.
they never do anything together, he
Never really has good things to say to her, only bad things as in telling her off etc.
I'm always in the middle & treading on eggshells!
Tonight was prime example..at the dinner table, Dd was explaining something that happens at school today and was using the word "like" a million times! Dh shouted at her to stop saying "like" she then retaliated by shouting back at him, he then storms off into the lounge slamming the door and then goes on to give us both the silent treatment! (Big fucking baby)
Sorry for rant, I'm at the end of my tether, as it's like this almost every day

OP posts:

inlectorecumbit · 22/05/2017 21:45

Poor DD
That is teenage language.
Treading on eggshells around them is not good and the atmosphere is not good for your DD.
In this case you have to prioritise your DD and get him gone before your relationship with her is damaged.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 22/05/2017 21:47

As someone who grew up with a stepfather that hated my siblings and I, I implore you to put her first. We were all treated terribly and though we love our mother, still resent her for it and it has been a long journey even at our middle age

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 22/05/2017 21:48

Unless something has happened recently, she's seen you put him first for ten years. That's most of her childhood.

What do you plan to fo before you lose her for good?

RebornSlippy · 22/05/2017 21:49

You said it, OP. Big fucking baby. He needs to shape up or ship out.

AgentProvocateur · 22/05/2017 21:50

Poor girl. Living with someone who hates her will affect the rest of her life. He's an adult - I'd be showing him the door and putting my daughter first.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 22/05/2017 21:51

Have you challenged him about it? I wouldn't tollerate bad step parenting.

SandyY2K · 22/05/2017 21:53

He could have corrected her in a much more constructive way and storming off was just childish.

The problem is that you've allowed it for so long.

stitchglitched · 22/05/2017 21:55

How long has this been going on? Presumably less than 3 years since surely you wouldn't have married him if this was going on back then?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/05/2017 21:55

Does your 'd'h not have any biological children of his own? He sounds quite clueless about teenagers, sadly.

Original poster

Princessofessex · 22/05/2017 21:55

myself & dd are very close, she is open with me and always talks to me about school,boys etc etc.
She doesn't hate dh but she they hardly communicate if I'm being honest. She would never ask Dh anything Like is it ok do to something (is have a sleepover etc) as she thinks he will always say no, She sees him as the bad cop if you like. We have had a few issue's with dd but to me it's just being a teenager! Dh see's it as her misbehaving

OP posts:

FaFoutis · 22/05/2017 21:56

'do not get on' suggests a relationship between equals. They are not equal, he has all the power. Think about it from her point of view.

Paperdoll16 · 22/05/2017 21:58

Your poor DD. The over usage of the word 'like' is normal to any high school pupil. It's like said before every like word. My dd's do it too! Yes it's like annoying but it's what they do!

It must be awful to be piggy in the middle but you have a choice. She doesn't. It's out of order for him to shout at her and slam doors, ignoring her for such a teenage thing!

Goodness, I thought you were going to say she was swearing or talking about inappropriate things at the dinner table (like 13 reasons in front of little ones for example! 🙄).

Original poster

Princessofessex · 22/05/2017 21:59

He has 3 children from previous marriage (all grown up now & working) but tbh, their mother brought them up because he was always at work. Although his daughters x2 said he was fairly strict with them, but there is being strict & being too strict ???

OP posts:

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 22/05/2017 22:03

Oh your poor poor daughter. I feel terribly sorry for her, imagine trying to talk about your day and being shouted at simply for the way you speak. QHat a nasty piece of work your DH is.
You'll lose your DD if you continue to allow him to ride roughshod over her and her feelings. You need to be tough here OP for your daughters sake. He needs to get his act together and behave like a decent, caring human being or he can fuck off.

Lunar1 · 22/05/2017 22:05

Another childhood wasted, stuck with a stepdad who doesn't like her and living on egg shells in her own home.

user1472582572 · 22/05/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ledkr · 22/05/2017 22:12

My dd has given my dh hell over the years but he's always been kind and patient with her and has said numerous times how sad he'd have been at her age to be in the same situation.
He has stuck with her, loves her dearly and now at 15 she finally realises what a great step dad he is. She has been subjected to some awful bullying and it's him who has fought her corner tirelessly and is now home educating her.
He's the adult.

endofthelinefinally · 22/05/2017 22:14

Your poor dd.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/05/2017 22:21

Don't kid yourself - you're going to lose her. Never, ever put a man first.

He's not strict. He's unfair.

Show her you are on her side before it's too late.

Original poster

Princessofessex · 22/05/2017 22:27

Thank you all for your feedback.
I know what I have to do.
My dd is my world!

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 22/05/2017 22:30

He sounds like a really unpleasant, immature man.

MrsGPie1974 · 22/05/2017 22:35

Please don't rule out counselling for him. Your daughter is just being a teenager. You need to stay calm with them and not get into screaming matches. If he loves you, he'll want to make this work.

Moanyoldcow · 22/05/2017 22:36

I had a shitty stepdad. I'll never really forgive my mum for staying with him. I don't understand how you could knowingly marry someone who had a bad relationship with your child.

PippaFawcett · 22/05/2017 22:37

What Fluffy said word for word. My stomach still churns when I think about how I used to feel as a trapped child/teenager in a house with my awful stepfather.

PippaFawcett · 22/05/2017 22:37

Moany

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