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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

child maintenance when re marry?

26 replies

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 11:38

My ex has just rang me telling me he knows i am getting married this year. he has said he doesn't have to pay me as much child maintenance when i am married?

is this true? we have a family based agreement and he sees the kids for 3 hours every 6 weeks (his decision). i dont fully know if he has been paying me the correct amount as it is?

im really pissed off as i feel money is more important to him than the kids!

Surely it is his responsibility to pay for his kids and not my new partners?

If he re marries will that mean he has to pay more?

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 17/05/2017 11:46

You re-marrying does not reduce your EXs obligation to pay maintenance. You might be better starting a CMS claim, they will ensure he is assessed for the correct amount, though it may be less than he's currently paying.

OdinsLoveChild · 17/05/2017 11:46

No that's not true, at least I don't believe it is.

Once I married my DH our household income was looked at to make sure we didn't drop below the poverty line by paying for DH's other children. In reality it actually meant we paid a lot more because my money became 'family money' so we were considerably worse off as a result of getting married. This was 20+ years ago and I'm sure it wont be too different now.

If your new DH officially adopts your children then your ex doesn't have to pay any more for them. Maybe that's where he is getting confused.

I'm sure theres a calculator online that gives you a rough figure of how much he should be paying as a minimum. If hes being an arse get an official agreement in place. You will have to pay for it but he cant stop paying or reduce the amount just because he feels like it.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 17/05/2017 11:50

He is still the df therefore pays the same.
Tell him nice try though!!
If your new dh has dc his would go down if he was responsible for your dc on a day to day.

TheNaze73 · 17/05/2017 11:58

I echo others thoughts on this. Use the online calculator. He may be confusing any spousal maintenance that may have been agreed?

hellsbellsmelons · 17/05/2017 12:04

He's talking bollox
Check HERE
Do you know his monthly income before tax?
Or at least a rough idea?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 12:09

The CM will be the same. If he is paying more than the CMS amount then he may mean he is going to drop it that way.

If you are getting any sort of spousal maintenance however then that is different.

Quartz2208 · 17/05/2017 12:12

spousal maintenance ceases on remarrying (so if it includes that it will stop)

Child maintenance is unaffected by you remarrying (although will be impacted if he has another child)

How much does he actually pay you at the moment

Original poster

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 12:12

thank you i told him he was incorrect but it threw me. he could either be thinking its spousal maintenance or possibly if my fiance adopts which isnt happening! My fiance helps with the kids on a daily basis dropping them at clubs and cooking meals basically doing his job and he's now trying to pass the buck with paying for them too!

i am so angry, he brought up the 52 days overnight also changes the maintenance which i know but he has never had them overnight!

i stayed calm and told him if it was correct then thats fine as i only want what is right.

i dont know if he pays me the right amount as he works for a friend so i didnt want to go through cms incase he wasnt declaring all his income and my payment went down.

Thank you for putting my mind at ease

OP posts:

StillWandering · 17/05/2017 12:15

Maintenance amount is based on ex's income only and number of other children he has to support not based on your marital status.
He is responsible for his children regardless of your new partner.
maintenance is not a hand over the responsibility to new man baton type relay race !!

Original poster

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 12:16

ive done the calculation based on what he tells me he earns, i get £380 a month for 2 kids. he has no other children although i know payment is affected if he does. i doubt he will be paying more that he is supposed to or he would have made me aware of that.

OP posts:

Original poster

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 12:18

ha ha i love the passing the baton relay race idea!

i didnt say anything like that as i try to keep things running smoothly so things dont get more awkward although there is alot i could have said.

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 12:20

How much money do you think he is on though?

JuicyStrawberry · 17/05/2017 12:28

No it doesn't mean he can pay less maintenance. Your Dh's income is irrelevant. It's just the same as if he remarried he wouldn't be obliged to pay you more because of his wife's income.

StillWandering · 17/05/2017 13:02

How ridiculous is he trying to dodge providing for own kids.
Imagine if you op did same. ' I've decided to provide less for kids cos you've a new wife now so she can step up...OK good good they need feeding this week !'

TheNaze73 · 17/05/2017 13:05

Are you sure Juicy?

A friend of mine remarried & they took into account his new wives earnings.

Hermonie2016 · 17/05/2017 13:09

Well done on your responses, calm and measured..I suspect he wanted to upset you and make you doubt getting married.

Original poster

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 13:39

Thank you, he pays based on earnings of £28,500, whether this is correct or not i dont know, if not i am happy for him to correct it.

The Naze how did that come about?

OP posts:

LemonSqueezy0 · 17/05/2017 13:44

On the old CSA system marriage impacted on the payment due but that's not true under the CMS scheme that's in place for new claims now.

If he's not declaring his full earnings, you might be worse off so that's the gamble unfortunately. Perhaps ask if he thinks you should go to the cms as it'd reassure him, and you, that the payment is correct.. Then try to gauge his reaction..

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 14:51

Perhaps ask if he thinks you should go to the cms as it'd reassure him, and you, that the payment is correct.. Then try to gauge his reaction

Going by the figure the OP has given he is paying roughly the right amount though.

Original poster

aibu1983 · 17/05/2017 15:34

he hasnt questioned it being incorrect based on his earnings, he is only questioning with me getting married if he has to pay less. As long as the kids are not missing out on hundreds im happy with what he is paying so wouldnt need to go to cms.

OP posts:

EC22 · 17/05/2017 20:01

So this is a casual arrangement?
Will he not just reduce payments as he sees fit once you marry?

Poxornox · 17/05/2017 20:06

If the arrangement hasn't been through CMS then he may well drop the payment. You can then apply through CMS but it will be based on his declared earnings/tax returns so you want we'll end up with less. If it went to court they do take into account "family" money which would include new husband's income. I know this because I'm the "new" wife who had to be included in the calculations done by the court.

Oldraver · 17/05/2017 20:38

I think you said the right thing..If he continues just say if he doesn't think it fair you could pass it on the CMA to decide

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/05/2017 07:53

Maybe I'm cynical, but what I meant was if he's 'happy to pay' but also happy to drop the payment in this situation, I'd be concerned that he's not paying the full amount. If you don't know how much he is on, ie don't see regular payslips or p60 how do you know he's paying the right amount? But In any case, In a private arrangement you have no comeback or protection if he does decide to drop the payments as he sees fit.

Original poster

aibu1983 · 18/05/2017 08:37

its not official but it has been worked out based on the csa calculator, he certainly doesnt pay any extra, if anything he doesnt pay enough but i'm happy so thats not an issue.

its not about money anyway, i just think its a bloody cheek to expect my new partner to pick up the slack with paying for his kids as well as everything else my new partner does for his kids.

im not sure how your family income has been taken into account through the court poxornox? everything i have read says this is unlikely to happen except in extreme circumstances. Again i could be wrong but my fiance earns a average wage, very similar to my ex so its not like were rolling in it. We dont live a more affluent life than him.

OP posts:

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