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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just need advice

44 replies

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 12:51

Myself and my husband got into an argument last night, drink was involved, just for clarity, however regardless of that he hit me, a few times.

I really hurt and no idea where to go from here.

I know I should pack his bag and leave it outside. But my instinct is to wait, find a place as far away as possible and then just up and leave, we have a child.

This has come out the blue, he has never been violent before, so I am still reeling from it.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 14/05/2017 12:53

Sorry this has happened op.

From experience my advice would be to leave a bag outside.

Hassled · 14/05/2017 12:56

Why do you think you should wait? What's the advantage to waiting? The danger of carrying on for a while (how long?) is that he will manage to convince you it will never happen again, a total one-off, all the fault of the alcohol etc etc - so you'll stay, and then it will happen again. Might be easier to make the break while it's still horribly fresh, IYSWIM. I'm sorry - you must feel terrible.

PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 12:56

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Are you currently safe, away from him? I would pack him a bag and leave it outside. If you wait until a suitable time for you to go he could have done it again or much worse by then.

notapizzaeater · 14/05/2017 13:00

Have you someone in rl you can speak/go to ?

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:10

He is at work, so I have a few hours to decide what to do. I have no one in real life. No family on either side.

My instinct to waiting is to get my son away from him long term, however as pp are posting it could happen again and be much worse, leaving my son in a household where there is DV is not going to happen either.

I suppose I am just scared of going it alone, and need reasons to justify it to myself, but know that if I let him back in, and wait I might not leave because he could convince me.

Sorry just writing my thoughts which are not exactly very clear at the moment

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 14/05/2017 13:13

Yeah. . Wait.

Police removing you in a body bag will save you the trouble of leaving. .
Harsh but a possibility. .

PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 13:15

If he has done it to you, he could do it to your child too. Take this opportunity whilst he is out; call the Police and report him.

ImperialBlether · 14/05/2017 13:16

You need to tell the police, to get it logged. It's much easier to do something now, while he's so clearly in the wrong. If you let him come back, he will minimise it and then turn it into your fault.

Gallavich · 14/05/2017 13:18

Police will arrest him and bail him not to return to the address hopefully. Do you have marks?

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:22

Justmadeperfectflapjacks

While I get what you are saying its not really what I want to hear, I posted in relationships rather than in AIBU to get a more sympathetic view and advice rather than be slammed right up in the face of reality but cheers.

I called the non emergency number this morning and am waiting for someone to ring me back

OP posts:
Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:23

No no marks, but I hurt a lot, so I am guessing some will come up

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 13:25

Well done for taking the first step. Remember he has caused this not you. You are quite rightly feeling vulnerable at the moment but telling the Police is the best thing.

Gallavich · 14/05/2017 13:27

Well done, you're being very brace

Gallavich · 14/05/2017 13:27

Brave

LIZS · 14/05/2017 13:29

Do you need to be physically checked over?

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:32

Really not being brave but thank you

No I dont think so, I think I am just going to be a mess of bruises once they show through.

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 13:33

You've said you haven't any family but do you have a friend who can come and be with you?

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:39

No pastysprincess, no one near to me, I dont want to drip feed, but I suffer from anxiety.

Which is probably why I just want to move away, fight or flight instinct mine is to flight.

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 13:49

Theres no reason why you can't get away, you just need to be safe whilst you organise it. Keep him out of the house, get your affairs in order and then go. Is he your childs father? If so he will have parental rights. By going to the police you can get the evidence to keep him out of your lives.

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 13:51

He is my son's father.

We are both on the rental agreement, does that change anything about keeping him out?

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 14/05/2017 13:51

OP please call Women's Aid while you're waiting for the police (08082000247) they will be able to help you put a plan together for what to do next. They get really busy so be prepared to be persistent but do keep trying.

If you're still going to be there when he gets home and there's any chance he has access to your devices don't forget to clear your browser history so he doesn't find this thread or any searches you've done to find help.

I'm so sorry he's done this to you, we're here to support you so please don't feel you're alone Flowers

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 14:08

Thank you, I hadn't thought to call women's aid and yes I will be here when he gets home. I have no where else to go (neither as he, but that is his problem)

My main aim at the moment, is to shield my son from this, dealing with anything is going to be easier tomorrow when my son is at school, but I know I need to certain things now.

for information bruises have started to come up or at least I have noticed them

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 14:18

If your both on the rental agreement neither has the right to kick the other out ordinarily, but with a situation such as yours you can apply for an occupation order. Theres lots of information at the link and the Police should help you.
m.england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/domestic_abuse/staying_at_home

Original poster
user501985674 · 14/05/2017 14:21

Thank you PastysPrincess, still waiting for the police. Have called non emergency again.

Was hoping to get this over and done with before he got home

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 14:32

What time is he due back from work?

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