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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just need advice

44 replies

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 12:51

Myself and my husband got into an argument last night, drink was involved, just for clarity, however regardless of that he hit me, a few times.

I really hurt and no idea where to go from here.

I know I should pack his bag and leave it outside. But my instinct is to wait, find a place as far away as possible and then just up and leave, we have a child.

This has come out the blue, he has never been violent before, so I am still reeling from it.

OP posts:

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 14:37

5.30 or about there.

OP posts:

FeelTheNoise · 14/05/2017 14:40

Call the police again and let them know when you're expecting him home. If they arrive after he gets home they will insist on speaking to you separately and that will be your chance, be brave and take it.
Speaking as someone who left a violent man, take all the police involvement you can get. There's a big difference between a man with unproven allegations against him and a man with a conviction. Be brave, you'll be so grateful later x

heyday · 14/05/2017 15:32

What a wretched situation. Whilst you devise your next course of action (after seeking advice) keep things low key. Be as normal as possible, be careful to clear all your Internet history, don't get into any arguments with him and ensure that there is no booze in the house. This will hopefully keep you safe in the short term. Hopefully you can get some clarity in the next day or so you can see a way forward. Big hug to you.

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 15:37

I am a long term user on here, so being on MNs isn't unusual as long as I change my name back.

I have deleted everything else, but emailed the links to myself, for all I know he might not come back , but he has no where else to go unless he asks a person at his work, I suppose.

OP posts:

QuinoaKeen · 14/05/2017 15:41

OP if you stay it will always be there lurking in your relationship. You will never be able to fully relax ever again and you will have to walk on eggshells. Forever.

Well done for calling the police 💐. You and your son need to be safe.

thethoughtfox · 14/05/2017 16:00

Take pictures of your bruises. This will not be a one off; it is always the start of something. You staying tells him, you will let him do it again. Please be safe.

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 16:03

My son is my main concern in this.

However I am literally at a loss at what to do personally, I just want to curl up under the duvet and process or cry

OP posts:

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 16:07

Have taken photos of the brusies I can see, deleted them off my phone after I emailed them to myself as well

OP posts:

PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 18:28

How are you? Have the Police arrived yet?

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 19:28

No, still no police and still no husband.

OP posts:

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 19:28

Should say I did ring the police back to tell them that he was due home at 5.30 but I wasn;t sure if he was going to appear.

OP posts:

FeelTheNoise · 14/05/2017 20:09

I'm so shocked they still haven't attended

PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 21:36

I'm shocked the Police haven't been either. Do have keys which you could put in the other side if the locks to stop him coming in.

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 22:48

As soon as I posted that they turned up, wish I had said it about 4 hours before.

I am going down there tomorrow for them to do all their stuff. I found it very difficult to talk with my son still up. However I made enough of statement, they seem to take it serious. But I have no idea what is going to happen from here.

Till I decide what the hell I am going to do and sort everything out, I want to preserve my son's image of his father. However he is a smart cookie, and knows something is wrong that daddy didn't come home.

Ribs are starting to hurt now. But I don't remember him touching those

OP posts:

FeelTheNoise · 14/05/2017 22:56

It's wrong that these conversations have to happen in front of our children! Do you know where your H is? I hope you're ok, as well as can be x

Original poster

user501985674 · 14/05/2017 23:47

To be honest I was a bit surprised but thinking about it, not sure what else they could of done. I probably should of said I would go down to the nearest station tomorrow when DS is at school.

It looks like he has booked himself into a premium inn type thing. I checked the bank account and has paid using the card.

I suppose at some point I need to talk to him

OP posts:

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 15/05/2017 00:06

I'm so sorry this has happened to you User. Such a shock to come out of the blue.

I don't think you do have to talk to him, no. He certainly doesn't deserve the opportunity to minimise what he did or even to apologise.
He crossed so far over the line that there's really no going back, so just concentrate on looking after yourself and your DS.

xxx

Slowtrain2dawn · 15/05/2017 07:36

Remember you don't have to talk to H. Hopefully the police will have put you in touch with your local DV service who can help make sure you and your son are safe? You're doing the right thing, hope you are ok this morning. Maybe also think about seeing your GP to get checked over?

PastysPrincess · 16/05/2017 17:36

How are you OP?

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