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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 6 months pregnant and my husband has just left me

44 replies

blondebabeuk78 · 13/05/2017 00:41

Went to my midwifes appointment this afternoon and when I got back the joint car had gone and my husbands things and even some of the furniture. I've been really ill with this pregnancy and don't work because he didn't want me to and now he has left me. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I can't face eating anything and I can't stay still long enough to relax let alone sleep. We moved to a new area for his job so I have no friends or family near by and I feel so scared and alone.

OP posts:
MrsChopper · 13/05/2017 00:45

Wow, that must be such a shock! Have you spoken to him since?

Maybe have a sugary tea and a biscuit to keep you going. Obviously I don't know your back story but you can do this and everything will turn out ok!

sandgrown · 13/05/2017 00:50

So sorry to hear this. Can you go and stay with family or a friend tommorow?so you have some support. Have you spoken to DH.Do you know his plans? If you can't sleep gather together all the relevant paperwork you may need. Try to eat and drink something and if possible sleep. If he really has gone you will need to think about claiming benefit after the weekend. I would also see a solicitor as soon as possible.

Asmoto · 13/05/2017 00:54

You say your friends and family aren't nearby - is there anyone you could phone for some support? I can't really advise on your situation in practical terms as I don't have the right knowledge, but it sounds like you need a 'real life' handhold. I am sure you will get through this. Your husband might have walked out but he still has responsibilities to you and your child - I would suggest getting some legal advice as soon as yo can.
Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along and be able to be more useful to you, but in the meantime, try to trust that things will seem better soon Flowers

scoobydoo1971 · 13/05/2017 05:00

Your husband is a coward. I am sure you must be prepared for the fact there may be another woman involved...and she is welcome to him, because no decent person just walks out unannounced. Your midwife can give you lots of help, and once the baby comes you will meet loads of new friends in child-play groups and on the school run. It may seem awful right now but you have to focus on staying calm for the baby. You are entitled to claim benefits right away as a single person.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/05/2017 05:29

Make a solicitor appointment as soon as possible. You need legal advice right away. Be ready to give them an idea of his income and the household expenses. Asset totals too. But if you don't have that information go anyway. You need legal protection.

Do you have access to the bank accounts? If so consider drawing out half the funds and depositing in your name only at a different bank.

Call someone. It doesn't matter how far away they are.

As far as eating, you eat anything that remotely sounds good even if it's junky. Take your pre-natal vitamins.

talllikejerryhall · 13/05/2017 06:17

I am so sorry to hear that. All I can say is I had the worst relationship for a year and half after my DS was born, before I called time, and every minute was tainted by the crap going on between us. I can't pretend it's going to be easy, but it may well be for the best...

EezerGoode · 13/05/2017 06:27

On the bright side,you are married,you get half of everything...also ,what an awful awful thing to do to anyone,never mind your pregnant wife.what a coward..poor you..poor baby to be going through all this upset....but you will come out the other side,you will have your bundle of joy ,that baby will get you through the hard times.it will love you unconditionally....you and baby will be a team together.you don't need a man who behaves like that..no woman needs a man who behaves like that..he's done you a favour.better now than when yr giving birth ,or the babies 6 months or a year...you can do this..you can x

WingsofNylon · 13/05/2017 07:48

How are you feeling this morning blonde ? Did you manage some sleep?

feathermucker · 13/05/2017 07:55

Oh my. Bless you; this must be horrible. Where are your family/friends based? Can you go there?

Sassypants82 · 13/05/2017 09:11

How are you OP? Have you been in touch with your family? Please update us re how you are?

Itsfreetobekind · 13/05/2017 10:56

OP are you OK? Maybe he came back? Either way let us know. Flowers

Original poster
blondebabeuk78 · 13/05/2017 12:01

On managed to get some sleep but still can't face eating. I'm worried about calling my parents as they never liked h as he's 12 years older than me, don't think I can face the "you should have listened to us" or "I told you so's" I'm going to see my gp on Monday, but the weekend is stretching out ahead of me like it's going to be weeks till Monday not days if that makes any sense

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/05/2017 12:11

Your parents may do the I Told You So bit, but you need them, so tell them. They love you and will want to help.

Have you spoken to him? Is the house owned or tenanted? In whose name/s is it in?

Beebeeeight · 13/05/2017 12:23

Just go to your parents.

If they are going to say that stuff anyway better just get it over with now rather than anticipating it.

Itsfreetobekind · 13/05/2017 12:33

Please reach out to your folks. It's hard but seems like you're all alone and that's not good at all.
MN is virtually here for you but you need some real life support too.

MrsBertBibby · 13/05/2017 12:48

Can you get outdoors, take a walk somewhere green? Might help your appetite, and your head a bit.

Have you a solicitor in mind?

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/05/2017 12:49

I had a friend who stayed for years in a very abusive relationship, because she'd been warned off her partner and feared the 'I told you so's. He nearly killed her, and all because she was afraid that people would chastise her for leaving.

When she did, of course, they did no such thing and were totally supportive. Call your parents, OP. Even an 'I told you so' is better than suffering. And will show your bastard of a husband that he can no longer call the shots where you are concerned.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/05/2017 14:49

Oh lovely, 'I told you so' only lasts a few minutes. That's nothing compared to days of standing alone, let alone a lifetime in an unhappy relationship.

Call your parents. They will be so overjoyed that he is gone that I expect the 'I told you sos' won't be as bad as you think. I know that them being relieved or happy sounds cruel but they obviously see things in him that you don't see. You'll have to tell them eventually, it may as well be early on so you can get the help/support you need.

Original poster
blondebabeuk78 · 13/05/2017 15:31

Thank you for all your messages and support it been such a comfort. I called my mum and she's driving over tomorrow to stay with me for a while. She's going to help me see if I can claim any benefits and find a family solicitor. I feel so lost but at least my mum will be here tomorrow.

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 13/05/2017 15:35

Really pleased to see your mum is coming over tomorrow to support you. This is about you and your baby now.

Has he made any contact with you at all? Do you know his whereabouts?

Towelallinone · 13/05/2017 15:36

Have you spoken to him? So sorry such a shit thing to happen.

MrsBertBibby · 13/05/2017 15:37

Find Family specialists using this site

www.resolution.org.uk/memberSearch.asp

MrsBertBibby · 13/05/2017 15:39

www.resolution.org.uk/memberSearch.asp?page_id=45

Try again!

AcrossthePond55 · 13/05/2017 15:39

Oh, I'm so glad your mum is on her way. Lean on her, it's what she's there for.

At this point, honestly, I don't think you should speak to your H. You're too vulnerable and upset. Wait until you've spoken to a solicitor, or at least until your mum is there to give you 'back up' and to help you see what's best for you and your baby.

Itsfreetobekind · 13/05/2017 18:01

That's great news! Well done OP. I agree with AcrossthePond55's sage advice. Good luck.